


Our hearts are headstrong

by MeNemNesa



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/F, Frat Boy Clarke Griffin, Modern Royalty, Serious student Lexa, The Prince and Me AU, but mostly just fun!, planning lots of fluff, with some serious moments, your typical romcom but gayer
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-31
Updated: 2016-12-15
Packaged: 2018-07-28 12:50:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 59,091
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7640914
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MeNemNesa/pseuds/MeNemNesa
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Clarke Griffin is looking for a way to avoid her royal responsibilities, while Lexa Woods is focussed solely on getting into med school. No two people seem less likely to fall in love, but yet they do. Can they overcome the obstacles in their way to happiness?</p><p>Or the 'the prince and me' AU no one but me wanted. Or cliché lovestories are so much better when they're gay.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey everyone,  
> Like it says in the summary I am a strong believer in cliché lovestories/romcoms turned gay.  
> I got the idea after reading the secrets that we keep by australian_heda. (Go read it, So good!!!)  
> This story is going to be so much lighter than countdown (for those of you who have read that). And I'm really excited to go do this with you all.
> 
> I'll probably update once a week/ every two weeks, and it'll be around 15-20 chapters.  
> And as always please let me know what you think.

Lex let herself fall down on her bed face forward, it was way too hot and she felt sweaty and tired. She had only one more box to go, but she just didn’t want to head down the stairs and back to her truck again.

She had turned around, looking up at her ceiling, thinking of nothing in particular, just postponing the inevitable moment that she had to get up, when her phone rang.

“Why haven’t you called me yet, I’ve been worrying. Is everything okay?”

Lexa rolled her eyes as she heard her mom’s worried voice on the phone. She loved her mom, but she was a little overprotective sometimes. “Mom, I’m fine, we agreed I would call sometime today, remember? I’m not even done unloading all my stuff yet.”

“Are you sure? Any baby raccoons around?”

At this Lexa couldn’t help, but laugh. “Seriously? You’re doing a kidnap check, right now? No baby raccoons around, I literally left for school about 5 hours ago.”

“It’s not just for kidnapping,” her mom scolded her, “it’s just to see if you’re okay, but maybe you can’t or don’t want to talk about it and need us. And it’s not a laughing matter, I just want to make sure my baby is okay, is that so wrong?”

“No of course not,” Lexa sighed, “is dad around? Can I speak to him for a bit?”

“Of course,” Lexa pulled her ear away from the phone when her mom called out to her dad on the top of her lungs. “Gus! Gus, it’s Lexa on the phone for you!”

Lexa waited for a few seconds before she heard a gruff mumbling, her dad saying something to her mom.

She grinned widely as soon as she heard his voice, “hey, little heda.”

Lexa groaned, “Dad, please.” She was never quite sure how she felt about the nickname her father called her. When she was little she loved it, most when her dad called her that, having her father, the biggest, strongest, bravest person she knew calling her commander made her feel like a giant. When she was a teenager it angered her to no end, taking it as mockery, which of course meant that her dad and siblings would say it even more.

“Come on, Lex, let your old man think back to that tiny commander bossing everyone around.” Her dad said with such obvious fondness in his voice that she couldn’t even imagine asking him not to.

“Al right fine, I’ll make you a deal, you can call me heda, but you’ll have to make mom stick to the schedule of calling once a week.”

“You drive a hard bargain, and I’ll do my best, but you and I both know that if your mom gets the feeling something is wrong nothing can stop her.”

Lexa could hear her mom argue in the background, and she laughed. “I do, tell mom and the twins I love them, I’ll see you in a few weeks I have that wedding to go to.”

“Of course, I’ll put it on the calendar. And is Raven coming with you?”

“Already done, and Raven won’t be coming with me, why?”

Her dad laughed nervously, “I don’t know, she could have been your plus one.”

“Dad, you know Raven and I are just friends, right?” Lexa rolled her eyes, her parents somehow always refused to believe that she hadn’t been seeing anyone. “I am not looking for a relationship, I…”

“Need to focus on school,” her dad finished with her, “we know, honey, your mom and I just thought that Raven was such a lovely girl, and you two sneaking out at night.”

“We are best friends, that’s it, but I am sure Raven will be delighted to hear this.” Lexa laughed, “Okay, dad, I really have to go now. I still have to get one box and I have to put everything away.”

“Alright, take care, and tell Raven lots of love from me and your mom, and for you too of course.”

Lexa got up walked to her truck, picking up the last box from the back, before heading back to her dorm. She grinned to herself when she saw her best friend lie on the couch. There were definite advantages of being a junior, and being able to request your best friend as your roommate was definitely a big one.

“How and when did you sneak in?” Lexa demanded with a wide smile plastered on her face.

“I noticed you have already confiscated the biggest bedroom.”  Raven grunted, not deeming the question worth answering apparently, before getting up and throwing her arms around Lexa.

Lexa groaned, “Rae, carrying a heavy box filed with books here. Let me set it down so I can hug you properly.” Raven stepped back a bit with a grin on her face. Lexa put down the box, wrapped her arms around her best friend and hugged her tight. “I missed you.”

“Impossible!” Raven exclaimed, returning the hug, “I only left your parents’ 3 weeks ago.”

Lexa shrugged, “it felt a lot longer. Oh and I had to give you a lot of love from my parents. I think you might be their new favourite child. My dad was hoping we were dating.”

“Well in that case, any chance I get the big bedroom?” Raven grinned, “only seems fair that the favourite child has the best bedroom.”

Lexa laughed and shook her head, “definitely not, we agreed first come first served, remember? Plus, I need more room than you because I have more books.”

Raven sighed, “well I can’t argue with facts.” She bent down and grabbed Lexa’s box and put it in her room.

Lexa stared at the other girl, wondering why she did that only to find out seconds later. “Since I helped you with your stuff, you’ll help me with mine, right?”

“What? Raven!” Lexa let out a whine, “I already did all my stuff, I want to put my stuff away.”

“Come on, Lex, the sooner I have all my stuff inside the sooner we can go out to Grounders.”

“Fine, but you’re buying.”

***

Lexa and her friends were sitting at their table at Grounders; technically it wasn’t really _their_ table, but it’s where they would always sit, everyone knew that. Kane always joked that they were part as much a part of this place as the furniture; Lexa’s friends because they spent all their spare time here drinking and having fun, Lexa herself mostly working, though that was fun too most of the time. She really hoped she’d be able to get her job back for this year; the extra money was more than welcome, especially with her plans for volunteering in Africa next summer.

For now, she was catching up with her friends though; listening in amusement about the shenanigans her friends had been up to. When Echo had started telling about how the all-inclusive vacation her and her friend from back home had booked turned out to be for seniors, they all burst out laughing.

But that hadn’t been all, Lexa had just taken a sip of her beer when Echo started telling how they had gone all out, they’d been at the bar non-stop drinking cocktails for days, participating in bingo, playing cards and participating in aqua jogging with the old people. And apparently the old people had loved them for it, some even joined. Lexa had choked on her beer when she heard it, the mental picture of Echo, drunk, in her bathing suit with a bunch of seventy-year-old men and pool noodles was too much. When Echo showed the pictures on her phone tears were streaming down her eyes.

When they had all caught their breath again Raven clapped Echo on her back, “great story, Echo, but wait until you hear what my summer has been like.”

Lexa raised a brow in question, she had spent most of the summer with Raven, or Raven had spent most of her summer with Lexa, since they had spent it at her parents’. She didn’t remember anything particular funny or crazy that had happened really, but Raven seemed to disagree because she started talking animatedly.

“Please notice how I say summer instead of vacation or holiday because I can’t remember I have ever worked this hard in my entire life, I swear. We had to get up at 5 am and work all day. And let me tell you, baby animals are very sweet to look at, but they are a horror to take care of. You don’t want to know how many head-butts those baby goats have given me, or how many hooves have crushed my poor toes.”

Lexa was watching her friend with amusement; the way Raven told it she had had it hard, but Lexa knew better. Raven had had the time of her life on the farm, she had loved the animals, the work and her family. Lexa suspected that her family had been a large part of why Raven had stayed so much longer than she originally had planned to.

Raven had gotten along perfectly with her siblings, both having a love for motor cross and mountain biking, plus the fact that Raven was basically a mechanic that had helped them make their bikes so much better only strengthened their excitement to have Raven around.

And both her parents had doted on her best friend, of course they knew Raven from meeting her a few times on campus, and Lexa’s stories, but Raven Reyes was someone who could only be fully appreciated in real life. And her parents had pretty much made Raven a part of the family, she hadn’t been treated like a guest at all, she had to help on the farm, and was part of the cooking and doing the dishes schedule.

That had meant so much to Raven, not that Lexa would have ever known if it hadn’t been for the nights that they had spent drinking and staring up at the stars. Raven had gotten all teary-eyed one night, confessing that she had never really known how much she had missed having a family until she had experienced what it could be like this summer.

Lexa, who knew some of Raven’s story, about how her dad had left before she had been born and her mom was an alcoholic, could think of nothing to do but hug her best friend tight; telling her she would always have a place in this family. And that was the truth, Raven was definitely a part of Lexa’s family, Lexa had no idea how she would have survived these two years of college without Raven; scratch that she had no idea how she would have survived her first day without Raven.

Lexa had felt so lonely, she hadn’t met a single nice person all day, everyone was making friends except for her, at least that was what it felt like. She kept trying to tell herself that it didn’t matter, she was here to study, to become a doctor, not to make friends; but even in that moment she had known that was something she told herself, which made her feel even more sorry for herself.

She had just been on her second plate of fries at Grounders, trying to stop herself from calling her parents to beg them to come get her when Raven slid in the seat next to her, taking some of her fries. And just like that they had become best friends. They were an odd couple, Lexa knew that, she was focussed on school, always studying or working. And Raven, how would she describe Raven? Raven was best described as one of those crazy inventors, she was always working on one project or another, her room filled with schematics of complicated machines. Despite that though, Raven was one of the most popular people of the entire university, she was easy-going, everybody knew her and almost everybody liked her; she was at every party and was almost always the last to leave. Lexa had no idea how she did it, where she got the time, because her grades were incredible too; Lexa had stopped trying to figure it out a long time ago though, just accepting that Raven was a genius.

Lexa was pulled from her pondering by Echo, who demanded that Lexa tell them that Raven was lying when she told the story about how she convinced her siblings that they could jump over the lake with this ramp they built, only to have them only come half way, much to Raven’s hilarity. Lexa snorted, when she remembered both Anya and Lincoln swimming back to shore absolutely shocked that it hadn’t worked.

“Sorry to disappoint, Echo, it’s 100% true?” Lexa laughed as she saw the stunned amazement on Echo’s face. “You wouldn’t be this surprised if you actually knew Anya and Lincoln, they have done crazier stuff than that even this summer.” Lexa turned to Raven. “Remember when they dared you to ride that bull?”

Raven roared in laughter, “I totally forgot about that. Oh and Echo, before I forget,” she pushed her shot to Echo, “drink up, Bitch!” Raven threw her arms up in victory.

Everyone laughed and then they turned to Lexa, “Lexa, what have you been up to this summer? Besides watching Raven be crazy?” One of her friends asked.

Lexa smiled and started a monologue about how she had helped on the farm, but mostly had been planning her volunteer work next year, and preparing for school. Which had all her friends groaning within seconds.

“Every time you are being far too responsible and boring to be a college senior, you are going to have to drink a shot.” Raven decided, to which all her friends nodded.

Lexa laughed, but shook her head, “I really shouldn’t, I want to get up early tomorrow to make sure I can enrol in all the classes I want.” Which was the exact moment all her friends started chanting “shot shot shot.”

Raven had already jumped up, heading to a bunch of guys a few tables over. She grabbed the round of shots that was lined up at their table, and when they protested Raven just kissed one. Lexa was equal parts amazed and appalled when she heard Raven say “that kiss was worth probably 20 shots, but you’re in luck, I’m feeling generous today.”

Raven swaggered back, handing two shots to Lexa. “Why are you giving me two shots, I only did one thing.” Lexa frowned.

“The second shot is for your face when I kissed that guy,” Raven smirked. Lexa sighed, but accepted both shots, this was going to be a long night.

She had just finished her second shot when Kane came by with a round of drinks. “Hey, Lexa, a round of beers for you and your friends on the house.”

“Oh, thanks Kane,” Lexa smiled, wondering if she should ask about her job now, or if that would seem too pushy. She was saved the trouble though.

“Is your financial situation still the same this year, Lexa?” Kane asked, as he cleared their table of empty glasses. Lexa was fairly sure the round of free drinks was only pretence so he could ask her this question, which definitely made her smile.

“Definitely,” she confirmed.

“So do you want back on the roster?”

“Definitely, when do I start?”

“Can you start tomorrow?”

“Tomorrow evening, sure. Tomorrow in the afternoon I can’t, I need to get my classes sorted out and stuff.”

“Sure, tomorrow evening is fine,” Kane clearly wasn’t listening anymore, he was watching Raven taking one of their free beers to the guys from earlier, planting herself on one of the guys’ laps and feeding him the beer. “And make sure your friends are a little more appreciative of free drinks next time.” He winked at Lexa.

* * *

 

Clarke had her arms wrapped around some pretty blonde as they moved together on the music, their lips locked. The beat was fast, and she could feel her clothes sticking to her skin slightly from a combination of dancing and just the heat produced by all people together on the dancefloor. She was having a great time, the alcohol flowing through her veins made her feel light as air, add that to the sinful way the blonde was grinding against her and Clarke was fairly sure she was on her way to having the night of her life.

“Clarke? Clarke, come on, we have to go.”

Clarke felt a hand come to rest on her shoulder, she moved her lips away from the blonde, keeping her arms wrapped around her as she turned to look at her friend. “Bellamy!” She exclaimed, “meet the new love of my life, uh…” she stared at the girl awkwardly, realising she really couldn’t remember the girl’s name, it had been something with an S she was sure of it, Shannon or Sara or something.

Bellamy was laughing, “clearly you two are soulmates.”

The girl looked vaguely affronted, but when she noticed Clarke was looking at her, she smiled brightly, extending her hand to Bellamy, “I’m Sharon, and-”

“Right, Sharon of course,” Clarke interrupted Sharon, turning back to Bellamy, “now why do you insist we have to go, can’t you see I’m in the middle of something?” She gestured towards the girl with her eyes, which caused Bellamy to roll his.

“Clarke, Indra is close to actually barging in and dragging you out, either that or straight up murder me, so please.” He made his face contort into this ridiculous pouty expression, which somehow always worked on Clarke.

“Alright alright, calm down, I would never let you get murdered, babe.” She pulled one arm from the girl, pulling Bellamy closer and pressing a smacking kiss to his lips, before turning back to the girl. “Sorry Shannon, seems like we’ll have to cut this evening short.” She pulled the girl closer for a bit, kissing her hungrily for one last time before turning around, leaving the girl slightly dazed for a second.

When she was already ten metres away, her hand laces with Bellamy’s, she heard the girl shout, “the name is Sharon, not Shannon!” Which caused Clarke to let out a chuckle.

At the sound Bellamy turned around, his eyes slightly narrowed, “you did that on purpose, didn’t you?”

Clarke shrugged, unable to suppress a grin, “what if I did?”

Bellamy shook his head, tugging on Clarke’s hand as they weaved through the mass of people. “That’s just mean, Clarke.”

Clarke shrugged again, not really caring. Why should she be nice to people who were only interested in her because of what she was instead of who? She’d been around long enough to recognise those people; and if they wanted to use her, she’d just use them right back. “Care to wager? Wanna bet that she’ll come running after me anyway?” Clarke wiggled her eyebrows suggestively.

At that Bellamy laughed, “Clarke, there is no way you’re right, not after not even knowing her name and then ‘forgetting’ it within the span of a two minute conversation.”

“Then why no take the bet?” She extended her hand with a sly grin, but Bellamy shook his head.

“I cannot lose any more money to you, my parents will go crazy. I’m pretty sure I owe you about half my trust fund already.”

At this Clarke rolled her eyes, “money, I’ve got, Bell. I have something better in mind.”

“And what’s that?” Bellamy was looking a little cautious now; he knew that look in Clarke’s eyes, it had led to some of the best nights of his life, but also some of the worst.

“The loser has to kiss your sister.” Clarke grinned smugly, “it’s a win-win, either I win the bet of I get to make out with Octavia.”

“Gross, Clarke! That’s my sister you’re talking about.”

“What?” Clarke said with faux innocence, “scared you’ll like it?”

Bellamy shook his head in amusement, “you have one twisted mind, Griff.”

She grinned, “that wasn’t a no, so… the bet is on.”

“Clarke, no!” Bellamy groaned.

“Clarke, yes!” Clarke called out loudly. They had arrived at the exit of the club, and Bellamy was looking around for the car, while Clarke was focussing on Bellamy. She tugged on his hand, forcing him to face her. She fluttered her lashes, throwing her arms around his shoulders and pulling him so his face was level with hers.

“Clarke, don’t,” Bellamy warned, causing Clarke to pout. They were nose to nose now, trying to stare each other down. Clarke knew she shouldn’t be doing this, she really did, but alcohol made her impulse control even worse than it already was. And it made her horny too; so why not release some of that sexual frustration on Bellamy? It’s not like they haven’t done it before, and with him she at least knew that it wouldn’t be in the tabloids the next day.

“Come on, Bel,” she breathed, “you know you want to, I’m hot as fuck, right?”

“You’re drunk,” Bellamy tried to deadpan, but Clarke wasn’t fooled, she was sure he was considering it, she just needed to sweeten the deal a little.

“So drunk,” she husked, “and you know that means I’m in for all that kinky shit you wish you could try, but are afraid of telling anyone.”

Before Clarke could say anything else she heard the annoyed voice of Octavia beside her, “for god sake, Clarke, can’t you keep it in your pants for one night?”

Clarke turned around immediately, throwing her arms in the air, squealing excitedly, “Octavia!” She wrapped her arms around Octavia, nuzzling into the side of her neck.

“Oh boy,” Octavia laughed, “you just trade one Blake for another, don’t you, Griff?”

“You’re my favourite though,” Clarke murmured, as Octavia was dragging her with her.

“Hey!” She heard Bellamy let out a huff as he nudged her.

“Don’t worry, Bell, you’re my favourite too, you are both my favourite,” She wrapped one of her arms around Bellamy, keeping the other around Octavia. She knew she was really lucky to have such good friends as the Blakes, they always took care of her, they had her back. And Clarke knew how valuable that was, she had learned that the hard way.

She thought back to her first year of college, how she had thought she could just be a normal college kid, away from her family and their reputation, away from people calling her your highness. She had thought her roommate had been her friend, they had partied together, laughed together, skipped classes together, even shared a kiss together. Only to have Clarke outed as bi in the papers, pictures included, within days of said kiss. Her roommate just shrugged, they’d offered her money and it wasn’t like people wouldn’t have found out sooner or later.

That had been the moment Clarke had decided that she wouldn’t care anymore about what other people thought. Which was of course the biggest lie, but as long as she acted like she didn’t she would actually believe that she didn’t care at all, sometimes. She had learned to distract herself with parties and every crazy thing she could think of. Sometimes she would even try to get on the front-page doing something scandalous, just to prove to herself that the media didn’t care about her, they just wanted to make money, who cared if it ruined her?

She knew she should stop her self-destructing behaviour, her parents had told her that, her advisor, Indra, even Bellamy and Octavia had, but Clarke herself knew too. This could only end in two ways, and one was very bad. But she didn’t want to think about the future. Actually stopping and getting serious was something that scared her too much to even seriously consider.

Clarke rolled her eyes at herself, she was angsting again, she definitely needed a distraction. Before she could look around however, she felt someone wrap their hand around her elbow, pinching quite hard, she knew only one person who would. “Ow, Indra,” she whined, “you’re hurting me.”

“I am? My sincere apologies, your royal highness.”

It was clear to Clarke that Indra wasn’t sorry at all; Clarke had to smile at that; for all her formality Indra at least treated her like a normal person, like an annoying person, like a nail on her coffin sure, but Clarke liked it that way.

“Please get in the car, your highness,” Indra opened the door for Clarke, looking around carefully, probably assessing if there were any threats; which Clarke found ridiculous, who would want to harass her out here, everyone here was just out to have a good time. But at the same time she was so used to it, that she hardly took any notice.

She slid in the backseat, Octavia and Bellamy sliding in from the other side, because apparently princess do not scoot over. Clarke could remember her mother scolding her about this like it was yesterday, instead of 18 years ago, when she moved over so Octavia could get on her chair with her.

All this thinking had put a serious damper on her mood, but then she remembered she had been thinking of a distraction, and Bellamy provided one.

“Clarke, I am collecting on that bet you and I made earlier.” Bellamy grinned, and Clarke could only grin back.

“It would be my pleasure.”

Octavia who was looking suspiciously between the two of them. “I don’t like the look on either of your faces.”

“Oh trust me,” Clarke grinned, leaning in, “you’re going to be glad I lost instead of Bellamy.”

Only to be interrupted by a tap on her window, they hadn’t been moving yet, since Indra had been arguing with the driver on where they were headed since Clarke had told the driver a different address than Indra was now saying them.

Before Clarke could roll down the window Indra had already jumped out, about to grip the knocker in some kind of death grip when Clarke managed to roll down the window, smiling her most winning smile when she saw it was in fact Sharon. She leaned out of the window, making sure she talked loud enough for the other occupants of the backseat to hear.

“Well, well, Sharon, fancy seeing you here.” She grinned wider when she heard Bellamy curse inside.

“You know this girl, your highness?”

“Well, I wouldn’t say knowing exactly, but you can let her go Indra. Finish fighting with the driver while I’ll see how I can help my loyal subject here.” She lifted her chin to indicate Sharon, who promptly let out a nervous giggle.

“So Sharon, tell me, how I can I be of service.”

“You know my name,” Clarke inclined her head in agreement, already wondering why she had been kissing this girl in the first place, her smile seemed simpering now in the street light, and she was clearly more interested in if people saw her talking with Clarke than talking to Clarke herself.

“I just wanted to give you my number,” she stepped closer, yanking Clarke’s arm out of the car and writing her number on Clarke’s arm with red lipstick. Okay, Clarke had to admit she liked the girl’s bravado, and since people had probably already seen the exchange and had formed their opinions already why not reward the girl. She leaned further out of the window, wrapping her lipstick covered arm around Sharon’s neck and pulling her close, kissing her fiercely for a second, before pulling back and sitting down, telling the driver to go.

“Bye Sara!” Clarke called as they started driving away, only to start laughing when she heard Sharon call out that her name was Sharon, and replied with a loud, “whatever you say!” As she waved her hand out of the window one last time before closing it.

Leaning back in her seat she turned to look at both Blakes with a grin, “what?” she asked innocently.

Octavia just rolls her eyes, “she was cute.”

“You think?” Clarke shrugged, “you can have her number if you want.” She extended her arm towards Octavia.

Octavia shook her head, “no thanks, I don’t need your sloppy seconds.”

“Speaking of sloppy seconds,” Clarke looked at Bellamy with a suggestive grin.

“Seriously, you use that as your segway?” Bellamy looked both affronted and a little sick. “Fine!” He quickly pecked Octavia on the cheek.

“What the fuck, Bellamy?” Octavia laughed as she whipped her cheek, “what was that for?”

“We had a bet that the loser had to kiss you,” Clarke explained, “but that was not the kind of kiss we were talking about.” Clarke glared at Bellamy, who looked back stony-faced.

“We never specified,” he simply shrugged.

“Ugh, you two are such assholes,” Octavia groaned, but she also couldn’t help but laugh as she punched both Bellamy and Clarke in the shoulder.

***

“Your highness, I have your mother on the line,” Indra called over just as Clarke was putting on her sunglasses, leaning against her bike.

“Tell her I’m indisposed at the moment.”

Clarke sighed loudly when she heard Indra reply, “she says it had better have been because you actually were at the ambassador’s house for that garden party like you were supposed to and that she would talk to you tonight.”

“Oh joy,” Clarke muttered under her breath, maybe she could convince Octavia and Bellamy to let her crash with them for another night.

“What’s up?” Octavia said as she walked up to her, “if you were a cartoon character you’d have a thundercloud floating above you right now.”

“Queen b-“

“Your highness!”

 

Clarke heard the indignation in Indra’s voice and it amused her to no end.

“Yes, Indra?” She asked with an innocent smile. At that Indra said nothing, because what could she say, really? “Don’t worry, I was going to call my mother a bitch, I was going to say queen bee. So the fact that you thought that says more about how you see my mother than me.” She sent Indra a sickly sweet smile before turning back to Octavia.

“Like I said, queen bee called, she demands a chat.”

Octavia moved so she was next to Clarke, leaning against her bike, enjoying the sun. “You think it’s about not coming home last night?”

“Probably, and the photos I’m guessing.”

“Photo’s,”

“Photo’s,” Clarke confirmed, “someone posted a picture of me leaning out of the window kissing that girl and one of me and Bellamy talking, but apparently it looks like we’re about to kiss.” Clarke said dryly.

“For fuck sake, do people have no sense of propriety?” Octavia glowered, “and you,” she smacked Clarke’s shoulder, “why are you so blasé about this? You never even seem to care.”

“What do you want me to do, Octavia?” Clarke shrugged, “people will think what they will no matter what I do. They think I get wasted and hook up with someone different every day no matter what I do. So why not just give the people what they want and have a little fun in the process?”

“But maybe if you tried-“

“Stop,” Clarke turned to face Octavia, her voice far sharper than before, “I have tried, and you know that. After my roommate, I did everything those stupid media advisors told me to do, but I only had to laugh with someone or I was dating someone new, being princess Casanova, and if I dared to yawn I apparently _could barely keep my eyes open in class and stank of the party I had been to the night before._ So don’t tell me I should try, don’t you dare.”

Clarke turned around, grabbing her helmet and putting it on. She had just swung her leg over her bike when she felt Octavia’s hand on her arm. “Clarke, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean-”

Clarke shook Octavia’s hand from her shoulder, “I know exactly what you meant.” She wasn’t being fair to Octavia, she knew that, but she couldn’t help it. Octavia’s words were just too close to what her mother would tell her over and over again, with much harsher sentiment.”

Octavia moved in front of Clarke’s bike, her hands on her hips, “Clarke, stop, I know you have tried, can’t we talk about this, I really didn’t mean it like that.”

It was Octavia’s face more than her words that softened Clarke up, “I know, O, I just, I need to blow off some steam, I’ll just take a short drive and then I’ll come by tonight. We’ll have a girl’s night, stay in, watch a movie, that kind of stuff, okay?”

Octavia nodded as she moved towards the side so she could hug Clarke, “I know you’re just trying to avoid Abby, but I am still glad you’re coming, I’ll get your favourite ice cream. Please be careful.”

Clarke smiled, feeling her heart warm with the care Octavia seemed to have for her; never one to really express that kind of thing though, she laughed. “I can’t deny that not seeing my mother is part of the motivation, but the biggest factor is that you’ll make your famous noodles, right?”

Octavia laughed, shaking her head “are you actually making demands after inviting yourself over?”

“Hey,” Clarke teased back, “serving dinner to royalty is a privilege.”

“Well excuse me, your highness,” Octavia mocked as she curtsied, “but you’re a royal pain in my ass.”

Clarke gasped, clutching her heart. “You could get arrested for that in some countries, you know.”

“I can see the headlines no: ‘ _Party princess has best friend arrested for telling the truth_.’ Abby and Jake would love that.” Octavia smiled, tapping softly on Clarke’s helmet. “Now go and ride, and get back in one piece please.”

“Alright, doll.” Clarke grinned as she revved her engine, “see ya!”

Racing off, Clarke laughed to herself as she heard Indra slam her car door shut, imagining the woman cursing her as she got the motor of the car running.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke continues to go about life with reckless abandon, while Lexa comes to realise she is more alone than she thought.

Clarke tried to suppress a yawn as she looked around the room. It was filled with politicians, one even older and stuffier than the other, and all old wrinkly males. It always surprised Clarke that for a country that prided itself on gender equality, how little female leaders there were in politics; not that she cared much about it, because she didn’t, but still.

She had a headache, felt tired and was bored out of her mind. She knew she probably would have felt better if she hadn’t ended up drinking margaritas at Octavia’s last night and went to bed at a more reasonable hour. But how could she have known that the head of parliament would offer the resignation of all of parliament and want new elections? Probably if she had bothered to answer any of her parents’ calls, but she thought they had just wanted to yell at her for the pictures, and really what was the point in that.

So instead she had been dragged out of bed this morning at 7 am by a very annoyed Indra, and been told that there was a crisis meeting with the different political parties in parliament and that her father wanted her there. So here she was, next to her father, listening to old men wine about how they felt insulted and what not. How could these men take themselves seriously? Her little brother was more mature than these idiots.

Clarke resigned to the fact that she might be here a while, so she did her best to make it look like she was listening, while making a sketch in her notebook of herself surrounded by wrinkly basset hounds that if you looked closely looked like all the men at the table with her.

She had been so focussed on getting the details of the dogs right that she hadn’t realised her father had asked her something; at least not until someone cleared their throat. She looked up and saw everybody staring at her. She turned to look at her father, but he just sighed and shook his head; he didn’t even repeat the question anymore.

Clarke swallowed, looking around and listening, trying to see if there was anything she could add, but she knew there wasn’t she had no idea what they were even talking about anymore. She wished she could crawl away into nothingness and become invisible; her father had looked so disappointed just now. Usually she only got that look from her mother, she was used to seeing it there, her father usually took her side however, but she had the feeling that would no longer be the case. She would pay more attention from now on, show her father that she did try, anything to keep that particular look off his face.

And she tried, she really did, but the end of the meeting still came as a surprise, as did the fact that it was almost dinnertime already. She watched as everybody got up and left, bowing to her father and her before heading out, muttering their thanks to their king for his help.

Clarke heard her father letting out a sigh before turning to her. “Clarke,” he started. But before he could continue Clarke got up; she could hear the disappointment in his voice, and she didn’t want to hear him say it. The thought that her father was probably disappointed in her was still somewhat manageable, but if he would confirm it, that wouldn’t be good.

“I really have to go, father.” Clarke quickly got up and was at the door in seconds. She froze however when she heard her father’s voice; it was the loudest she had ever heard it.

“Clarecia, stop right there and come back.”

Clarke slowly turned around, looking at her father guiltily as he gestured for him to come back to where he was standing. Him saying her full first name was definitely a bad sign, so she made her way back to him, dreading what was to come.

“Please sit, Clarecia.” She did as her father said, unable to look him in the eye. “Please, can you explain to me why you even came today?”

The words forced Clarke to shift from feeling guilty to feeling annoyed. “It’s Clarke!” She huffed, “and it’s not like I wanted to come, Indra forced me out of bed this morning.” She winced at the disappointment that dripped from her father’s voice.

“I asked her to, I wanted you here because this will be your job at some point. I hoped that if you saw how important it is, how big of a difference you can make you’d care a bit more. But I was wrong.”

“Come on, that’s not fair!” Clarke exclaimed, “these men are so whiny and boring. How can I take anything they say seriously, or even pay attention to what they say?”

“You have to take them seriously, they are parliament Clarke, they have Arkadia’s future in their hands. Parliament resigning and new elections could throw us back in a recession.” She saw her father pinching the bridge of his nose. “Plus, you had more than enough attention to draw caricatures of them, though.” Her father replied, trying to sound strict, but she could detect a certain fondness in his voice.

“Did you like it?” She couldn’t help but grin, “did you see I put you there too?”

“No,” her father looked at her with an amused smile, “show me.”

Clarke grabbed her notebook and started flipping pages until she found her sketch again. “Look, you’re behind the wheel. I drew you with your crown on, and your reading glasses, because they make you look smart.”

Her father laughed, “I’ll remember that, and you know that crown is so heavy, I hate that thing.”

“You do?” Clarke looked up at her father, surprised, she thought her father loved everything about being a king.

“Yes,” he nodded solemnly, “but there is a reason it is that heavy. Did I ever tell you?” Clarke shook her head. “When I was about Aden’s age, I asked my father if I could wear his crown one time, and he let me, where no one could see of course, I mean could you imagine?” He chuckled to himself, “anyway, he put it on my head and it was so heavy, I almost toppled over. So I asked him why it was that heavy. He told me it was to remind the king, or queen, that leading the country is a very hard job and that you never should be 100% comfortable with it.”

Clarke smiled at the story, “that definitely sounds like something grandfather would say.” She acknowledged and her father nodded.

“Definitely, but I want you to remember that. Because it’s not only for kings and queens, Clarke. It is for you too, because you will one day be the queen.”

“Come on, father, that won’t be for the longest time.”

“You never know what will happen.” Clarke looked up at her father with suspicion at the tone of his voice.

“Father?” She asked, but after looking doubtful for a second he shook his head dismissively.

“Don’t mind me, I’m just feeling sentimental. Which reminds me, your mother wondered if you’d join us for dinner. We miss you, we haven’t seen you in forever.”

Clarke snorted, “right, I’m sure mother wants nothing more than to have a nice family dinner.”

“Clarke,” her father scolded, “your mother loves you very much, you know that.”

“I really can’t join you for dinner though, I agreed to dinner with Finn Collins.”

“Clarke, we really need to talk as a family.” Her father started.

“I know, we will, but we really can’t, mother set this up months ago.” For the first time in forever she was thankful that her mother had forced her to meet up with Finn Collins. “As a matter of fact I’m almost late already.” She quickly pressed a kiss to his father’s cheek. “Give mother my love, and give Aden a cuddle from me.”

“Clarke…” But she had no idea what her father said after that because she was out the door already, where Indra was diligently waiting on her.

“We need to go by Octavia’s to pick up my bike and then I’ll head into the city to meet with Finn. You really don’t have to come with.”

“But I do, her majesty the queen requested that I would.”

“Right,” Clarke sighed, “of course.”

* * *

 

Lexa knew she had to go soon, but she just needed to finish this last page of her paper, she was finally getting into some sort of flow and if she stopped now she would never get it back. Why anyone who wanted to be a doctor needed to have a liberal arts credit was beyond her, but here she was taking art appreciation. How you could even be taught to appreciate art Lexa had no idea, because sure she’d like some paintings and some not, but the science behind that eluded her completely, it was completely subjective.

Just as she was adding one of her final sentences she felt something ice cold slide down her back and she let out a loud scream, “Raven what the fuck!?!” She jumped up from her chair to find her best friend grinning.

“What? I called you three times already. You said you wanted to leave about half an hour ago at the latest.”

“Wait, what?” Lexa had been preoccupied with trying to get out the ice cubes Raven had pushed down her shirt. “What time is it?” Lexa looked at her computer. “Fuck! It’s that late already? Why didn’t you call me?” she accused Raven, “I still need to get my dress on.”

“I did call you,” Raven pointed out, “multiple times in fact, but you were in the zone or something.”

Lexa sighed as she started to undress, “it’s stupid art appreciation. It’s the worst subject in the world.”

Raven laughed, “I’d pay good money to just observe you in those classes.”

“Don’t mock me!” Lexa swatted Raven’s arm, “do something useful instead and help me zip up my dress.” Lexa turned around, waiting for Raven to zip her dress up.

When Raven had done she turned around, asking with a grimace, “how do I look?”

“Like you’re sitting on a chair made of glass shards that are now sinking deeply into your skin,” Raven responded with a smile.

“Wow thanks for that gross image,” Lexa rolled her eyes, “but I meant the dress. Does the dress look good; do I look good?”

“Lex, listen, you have a lot of different ‘I’m in agony’ faces, and we need detailed descriptions of all of them to keep track. For instance, right now you’re having the ‘oh my god Raven is giving me a migraine, but she is also my best friend so I can’t say anything’ face, that really is a classic.” Raven sniggered to herself, “and about the dress, it looks like the icing of a cupcake, but of course because you are just too damn beautiful it works. You look great.” Raven reassured her.

“Yeah?” Lexa smiled, “good, I’d hate to look bad at this wedding. Can you believe another one of my high school friends is getting married? What is wrong with them?”

Raven laughed, “not everyone is as focussed on their careers as you, Lex.”

“I know that,” Lexa turned around from the mirror, her eyeliner in her hand, “you’re not, but I don’t see you getting married.”

“That’s because I am a free spirit, live and let live, love and let love, that kind of stuff. Anyway I am going to leave you be, and don’t overdo it on the eyeliner or you’ll look ridiculous.” With those parting words Raven left her room.

“What are you talking about, I never mess up- damn,” Lexa sighed as she looked in the mirror, seeing she had accidentally put way too much on. “Fantastic,” she muttered trying to fix it.

***

Lexa leaned her elbows on the table and rested her chin in her hands, looking at the bride and groom enjoying their first dance. They looked so happy, and Lexa was so happy for them, but it felt weird to be surrounded by so many married friends. It wasn’t that she thought they were too young, though in her opinion they might be, it was just that they had chosen to settle their lives, move back to their tiny hometown and stay at home or doing a job that was so beneath them. They seemed to sacrifice all the plans that they had spent their entire school career dreaming about.

“They look so happy don’t they?”

Lexa was pulled out of her judgemental reveries by a voice that always brought a smile to her face. “They sure do.” She turned around, grinning at the girl who had interrupted her thoughts, leaning forward and wrapping her arms around the other girl’s shoulders, “hi Cos.”

“Hi Lexa,” the other girl responded, also wrapping her arms around Lexa, hugging her tightly, “it’s been a while since I’ve seen you.”

“I know,” Lexa admitted, “I’m sorry, I was almost late to the wedding so I couldn’t sit with you. And then I was home almost all summer, but you were away,” she teased.

“I know, I know,” Costia pretended to hang her head in shame and grinned when she heard Lexa laugh.

“I have to give it to you though, teaching orphans in rural Vietnam is probably the best excuse to not hang out with your friends there is.” Lexa smiled, “How was it?”

Lexa was glad Costia was at this wedding too, from all her school friends she and Costia were probably closest. They had always been the most driven, both knowing exactly what they wanted, Lexa to be a doctor with doctors without borders and Costia to be a teacher and spend her time teaching English in foreign countries. They had even dated for a while in high school, before both deciding they were better as friends than lovers.

“Oh, Lex, it was great!” Costia gushed, “you would have loved it too,” she assured. “The kids were all so motivated, and so sweet, and I got to travel a bit afterwards, it really is a beautiful country. You have to join me next time!”

Lexa had to laugh at Costia’s enthusiasm, “I’m not that much of a kid’s person, or that great of a teacher for that matter.” Lexa laughed, “besides I’m saving up to do volunteer work in Africa next summer.”

“Oh of course, that’s right, I totally forgot. No idea how I could do, after all it’s The Dream. Well maybe I’ll join you, and Luna too if I can get her to come.” Costia laughed, “but me for sure. Did I tell you how she went back after four days in Vietnam?”

Lexa laughed, and shook her head, “no, why did she go back? Did you guys have a fight? I didn’t see her around anywhere.”

“Oh no, nothing like that,” Costia shook her head with a smile, “she couldn’t handle the fact that there were no normal toilets and bathrooms.”

“Oh boy,” Lexa laughed, “then Africa won’t be for here either I think; not the places where I plan to go anyway.”

“Well then it’ll be just the two of us.” Costia, put her hand over Lexa’s and gave it a gentle squeeze.

“You think Luna would be okay with that?” Lexa wondered.

“Sure, why not? I mean we can both do our own thing,” Costia shrugged, “come on, let’s dance, Lex.” Costia got up and took a hold of Lexa’s hand, pulling her up.

“Cos no,” Lexa groaned, “I hate dancing, and I suck at it.”

“Come on, for old time’s sake.”

“No, go dance with Luna, her you can force, or offer some perks.”

“No can do, though it is true that I can make her do almost anything if I promise her mind-blowing sex after. But I can’t because she isn’t here tonight. She is in the city, interning at this big law firm, so you’ll just have to entertain me, or I’ll tell her you were mean and she will kick your ass.”

“Fine,” Lexa rolled her eyes, “we can’t have Luna beating me up.”

“Sure can’t,” Costia added as she tugged Lexa to the dancefloor.

 

They’d been dancing for a bit when the announcer called that it was time for the bouquet toss and that all the unmarried/single ladies had to go to the podium.

Lexa, who had been feeling awkward the entire time they were dancing, sighed with relief, heading back to her and Costia’s table. She was definitely not going to join the insanity that was already erupting close to the stage.

“Can you believe them?” Lexa whispered to Costia, who snorted, “no,” she admitted.

“I just don’t understand; everyone is getting married. What are they even thinking? What about the rest of their lives, their plans, right? I mean I know they are in love and happy, but it just seems like so much wasted potential. Look at Ontari, she wanted to work on Wall Street, make the big bugs, and now she manages the grocery store in town.” Lexa felt relieved that she wasn’t the only one who saw how ridiculous this was. It wasn’t that she looked down on the job Ontari or any of her other friends did, it was just that they gave up what they wanted to be. She saw on Costia’s face that she wanted to say something but just then one of their friends hurried over to them.

“Come on, Lex, you have to go to the front.”

“No way,” Lexa shook her head, “I’m not going there, those bridesmaids look ready to kill someone and I bet their nails are very long and sharp.”

“You have to! It’s tradition.” Her friend demanded.

“Why are you only badgering me? Costia isn’t married yet either!”

“You don’t,” her friend looked at Costia, “You didn’t tell her yet?” Costia’s skin reddened slightly, shaking her head.

“I wanted to, but not yet.”

Lexa felt annoyed, she hated being out of the loop and their words, combined with their looks definitely proved that she was. “Hello, guys. I’m sitting right here!” She exclaimed, waving her hand up between the two to break their eye contact.

“I, well…” Costia lifted her hand so Lexa could see her engagement ring. Lexa stared at it with an open mouth, feeling like the biggest tool.

“Oh fuck, Cos, I’m so sorry!” She exclaimed, quickly getting up and hugging her friend. “Why didn’t you say anything? You let me go on about all that stuff.”

“Do you hate me now?” Costia asked quietly.

“What? No, Cos, of course not. I don’t hate you.” She pulled back a little to look in Costia’s eyes. “Why would I hate you? Oh and shit I totally forgot to say congratulations, or do you say best wishes to the bride? Do you say that to both when there are two brides?”

“Lexa, you’re rambling,” Costia laughed, “you don’t have to feel so embarrassed, it’s okay. And I think you can say either, and thank you.”

“So how did it happen?” Lexa smiled, trying to show that she was interested to make up for her probably hurtful words. She sighed to herself though, because now she was the last one of their friends left, just her.

***

“Lexa, honey, do you need help getting out of your dress? Because I’m about to do a new load of laundry. Oh honey, what’s wrong?” Lexa’s mom stepped into her bedroom at her parents’ house, where Lexa had thrown herself when she got home, tired, but mostly just annoyed with herself, and somewhere deep down maybe even a little with Costia.

She felt her mother sit down on the edge of her bed, looking at her with a worried expression, brushing some of the hairs from her face. “Nothing is wrong persé, except that your daughter is a rude idiot.” Lexa sighed, “Costia is getting married, and right before she told me I was giving a passionate speech about how all our friends are ruining their lives and the two of us were the only sane ones.”

“Oh honey, I’m sorry.” Lexa could feel her mother rubbing her back soothingly, “Costia knows you though, she knows you didn’t mean it to hurt her, right?”

“Yeah,” Lexa moved to sit upright, “she said it was fine, but still it made me feel like a jerk.”

“I understand, do you want me to call Costia’s mom and explain?”

Lexa laughed, “you mean like in first grade when I told her dresses were dumb and she wouldn’t talk to me for a week?”

“Something like that, yes.”

“Thanks, mom, but no.” Lexa got up, pressing a kiss to her mother’s cheek, before turning around. “You could help me get out of this dress though.”

“Your father will be disappointed to hear Costia is getting married though,” Lexa’s mom sighed as she moved the zipper down.

“Why?” Lexa turned her head to look at her mother in confusion.

“You know, he always hoped you and her would get back together.”

Lexa groaned in exasperation, “what is wrong with him? Me and Costia are just friends!”

“I know, I know,” her mom lifted her hands in defence, “you know how your father is.”

“But why?” Lexa complained, “it is getting ridiculous, he wants me to be with Raven, to be with Costia. I don’t want a girlfriend; I want to focus on school.”

“I know, sweetie,” her mom stroked her hair to placate her. “He just wants grandchildren.”

“Well, why does he keep pestering me? It’s not like I can have them so easily with a girlfriend. We’d need to adopt, and with my job with doctors beyond borders that will just be very unlikely. Make Lincoln or Anya have kids. Just poke a needle through some of their condoms and you’ll have two grandchildren within the year!”

“Lexa,” admonished her mother, “to even suggest something like that. Besides you know you’re our favourite child.”

At that Lexa smirked, “mom, you say that to all of us.”

“And it’s always true,” her mother told her as she picked up her dress and headed out of her room.

* * *

 

“Come on, just a little harder,” Clarke was muttering to herself as she forced her bike to go faster, zigzagging, weaving herself through traffic, must faster than was technically allowed. But who cared about that? She knew what she was doing, no one was in danger, and she had to beat Finn. She could see him, just a few cars ahead, she was gaining on him and she still had a bit of time to catch up.

She allowed herself a few moments of just relishing in the freedom she felt on her bike; the wind rushing past her, the speed, the way the entire world around blurred, that’s what she liked best. She imagined that’s what she was to them as well, just a blur, a person like any other going way too fast on her bike. She knew that wasn’t entirely true, after all some of the roads were closed just for her, to make sure it wasn’t too dangerous, but no one knew for sure who she was. She loved it, people honking and yelling, they wouldn’t do that if she showed her face. It was as close to a normal person she could be.

Octavia and Bellamy both thought she was insane, she’d be caught at one point, get in the papers and ruin her image even further, or even worse that she’d get herself or someone else seriously hurt. Clarke appreciated that her friends cared about her, but they were wrong, they worried too much; she wasn’t going to self-destruct like they warned her sometimes, she just needed these moments to feel alive, to feel free for just a few minutes.

She got more and more excited the closer she got, until she saw the finish line ahead, fuck she wasn’t going to make it. No! This couldn’t happen, she had to try. Running a light that was orange to Clarke, but technically was red already she tried, but she already knew she would lose. That is until suddenly she passed Finn and only just made it to the finish line sooner than him. At first she grinned, but within seconds she realised what had happened.

She jumped off her bike, tossing it to the ground; stomping towards Finn, who had his hand extended. “Congratulations, Princess,” he smiled pleasantly.

Clarke smacked his hand away. “You let me win,” she glared at him. “You’re such an asshole.”

“And you have a very foul mouth for a princess,” Finn smirked, putting his arm around her shoulder, leading her away from their bikes. “And I wouldn’t dream of letting you win, that was purely god given talent, princess.”

Clarke rolled her eyes, she didn’t believe him for a second, but if he didn’t want to admit it then fine. “Stop calling me princess, it’s Clarke. And if you lost fair and square you’re paying tonight. But I should probably call Indra and let her know where I am.” Clarke looked around over her shoulder to see if she could see her anywhere.

“Don’t call Indra, she’ll just ruin our fun. And of course I’ll pay that’s what the guy does on a date, right?”

Clarke was about to tell Finn off for talking about Indra like that, only she could do that. But then he kept talking and she snorted, trying to move out of his grip to look at him. “Finn, this is not a date, we are not dating. How often do I have to tell you?”

“I keep telling people you say that, but then the papers say we are, you see how we all can get confused, right?” He grinned and nudged her. Which made Clarke let out a growl of frustration.

“You _really_ are such an asshole, Collins.” She smacked the back of his head.

“I’ll buy you all the tequila you want.”

“Okay, maybe not that much of an asshole,” she allowed, laughing.

***

Clarke groaned as she woke up, her throat was so dry, and her head hurt about as if people had been drilling holes into her brain through the night; she needed water and some pain relief. That’s when she realised that her surroundings weren’t familiar, she looked to the side and let out another frustrated groan. “What am I doing?” She muttered to herself.

Next to her lay Finn Collins, sleeping soundly, the covers only covering him from the hips down, his floppy hair hung over his eyes and one arm was outstretched to her. Clarke desperately tried to piece the previous night together as she stalked through Finn’s home as quiet as possible, in search of aspirin and water.

When she found it she quickly swallowed the pills and sipped her glass as she slowly made her way back. She remembered that they had raced and after that they had gone drinking. She had been trying to get Finn to confess he had let her win the entire night, but he hadn’t budged, not until the end of the night, but at that time she had been too inebriated to be outraged when Finn suggested they make up through angry make up sex.

Ugh, she slept with Finn Collins, not that there was necessarily something wrong with Finn, there wasn’t, not really. He was nice enough, a bit of an arrogant playboy, but all those extremely wealthy kids had some of that; she herself had that too she knew. But sleeping within that certain circle of people that Finn belonged to would definitely end in trouble, which Clarke knew, and that’s why she had avoided it so far. The only upside to this is that if her mother would find out she would be furious. Clarke smirked slightly as she imagined her mother’s face.

Since she couldn’t fall asleep anymore she settled back in the bed and turned on Fin’s tv, only to let out a loud squeal of surprise and then burst into laughter when she was bombarded with the visual and loud groaning that accompanied porn. Finn woke up with a start, and as soon as Clarke saw his alarmed face she started laughing even harder. Finn who slowly realised what was going on just muttered something, turned the sound lower and went back to sleep, or at least pretended to, because Clarke could see the tension in the muscles of his back. She kind of felt bad, but it was just too funny. She leaned over, her hand on his shoulder, whispering, “don’t worry, Finny, we all get lonely sometimes.”

“Shut up, princess, go to sleep.” He growled, moving a little further away from her, pulling all the covers with him, which caused Clarke to roll her eyes; another reason she didn’t hang out with the likes of Finn much, they are insulted far too easily. She shrugged, turning back to the tv. After a few seconds she started switching channels though, wondering what other kind of channels Finn had on his tv.

Eventually she settled on a program that was called _college girls gone wild: Polis U edition,_ which basically consisted of female students lifting their shirts to show their boobs to the camera when asked; though Clarke did wonder why none of these girls seemed to wear bras, she could hardly deny it was a bad visual. Why didn’t they have this in Arkadia, that would have been great.

Clarke was half dozing off when her phone rang, she was so close to falling asleep that she answered without checking to see who it was, groaning when she realised it was Indra.

“Your highness, you need to come down, you have a breakfast meeting with your family that you can’t miss.”

Clarke rubbed her face, trying to remember if she really had a breakfast meeting, “Indra what are you talking about, my father didn’t mention anything yesterday. Plus, what do you mean come down?”

“I’m in the car, in front of Mr. Collins’ house.” Indra informed her.

“What?!?” Finn started to stir, which caused Clarke to lower her voice as she jumped out the bed and started to get dressed. “What do you mean, you’re in front of Finn’s house? How did you even know I was here? Do I have like some sort of chip?!? That’s illegal you know.”

“Clarke, stop playing around, and get down here.” And with those words Indra hung up the phone. That was how Clarke knew this was serious, Indra had only called her Clarke one other time before and shit had been bad then too. Clarke froze for a second, as images of Indra hovering over her, whispering her name as she lifted her up in her arms; but there was no time to think about that now. Clarke forced those thoughts away in favour of finding her clothes.

As soon as she humanly could Clarke was in front of Finn’s house, where as she had said Indra was waiting for her. She got in the car and looked at Indra. “Care to tell me what’s going on?”

Apparently Indra had managed to cool down some, because though she was still a little short with Clarke her answer was a lot less biting. “Your parents need to talk to you, your highness.”

“Why?” Clarke asked, she knew that couldn’t be the reason Indra was actually here, her parents wanted to talk to her every day.

“You know why,” Indra said. “Did you really think that stunt wouldn’t have any consequences?”

Clarke didn’t feel any less confused, but she was starting to get annoyed. “What are you talking about, Indra? Please just say it, I am still recovering from the mistakes I made last night and I have a killer hangover.”

“That’s what I am talking about, your highness. Or doesn’t sending nudes of yourself fit that category for you?”

Clarke stared at Indra, stunned. “Indra, you know I’d never do that! I know I have done some stupid shit in the past, but-“

Clarke was interrupted as Indra shoved her phone to Clarke, showing a picture of Clarke and Finn in bed, both their chests exposed, Finn was grinning towards the camera and Clarke seemed to be sleeping, captioned _“Nailed it! Are we dating NOW???”_ And apparently that was not it because under that picture was a short video.

_The quality was grainy, but you could still tell it was Clarke and Finn. Finn’s voice was clear and teasing, while Clarke’s was mumbly and difficult to understand, clearly still half asleep._

_Finn looked into the camera with a grin, “guess who just had sex with the princess and future queen of Arkadia.”_

_To which Clarke mumbled, “Who are you talking to?”_

_“Oh just the entire world.”_

_“Finn,” Clarke let out a yawn, “you are the definition of asshole. And no one will believe you.”_

_“Not even if I post it on the internet?” But Clarke had already fallen asleep again._

Clarke continued to stare at the screen even after the video had ended, trying to comprehend what she had just seen. She felt sick if she was honest, sure she had thought about her mother finding out she had slept with Finn, but that had never constituted the public knowing.

“Who has seen this?” Clarke managed to whisper, almost flinching as she felt a hand on her arm. She looked at Indra, trying to swallow back her tears. She wasn’t going to cry, she had promised herself that a long time ago, but that promise was especially hard to keep right now.

“You didn’t know,” The tone of Indra’s voice was so gentle, but also surprised, and Clarke wasn’t sure which of those two hurt more.

“Of course not!” She shouted. Anger started to boil inside of her, and she wasn’t sure if it was at the people who posted it everywhere, at Indra and her parents for thinking this was done with her consent, or Finn. But as soon as she thought that she knew; it was definitely Finn. So before she could even consider her actions she jumped out the car and sprinted towards the door.

She rang the doorbell and started banging and yelling, not even caring who heard. And as soon as the door opened and she saw that face she smacked it.

“Clarke, OW what the fuck?!?” Finn jumped back, putting a hand on his cheek. “Are you insane?!?”

“I don’t know, I fucking might be!” Clarke bit back, “because how else could I trust you. Why would you post that?!? Are you that desperate for attention?” Clarke tried to stay angry, but she couldn’t. She was still angry of course, but more than anything, standing there asking Finn those questions she realised that she somehow had believed he was different than most other people. Not as cool with everything as Bellamy and Octavia for example, but she had thought that he at least wasn’t looking to take advantage of her, but she had been wrong, her mother had been wrong to introduce them. And maybe that hurt most of all, that she was proven again that people didn’t care about her, they didn’t care about who she was, just what she was, and that she could help them to their fifteen minutes of fame.

“Clarke what are you talking about?!?” Finn tried to deny it, but Clarke had sunken too far back in her sadness to really respond, luckily Indra was there shoving her phone in Finn’s face. “This!”

Finn started laughing as soon as he saw it, which at least helped Clarke find her anger again. “This is funny to you?!”

Come on, Clarke, it’s just a joke. I sent it to some of my friends, it’s harmless!”

“Harmless!?!” She bellowed, “you took pictures of me, naked, without my permission and you sent them on snapchat where everyone can see it who follows you and screenshot it! Plus, you implied that I was cool with this all! And then your fucking fuckboys of friends put it all over the internet! How do you even dare to say this is a harmless joke between friends?!?”

Clarke balled her fists, angry tears threatening to spill, and when she opened her eyes she saw Finn looking at her, this lost look in his eyes, and she almost felt guilty for yelling at him. She almost wanted to apologise even though she knew she shouldn’t. But maybe she had overreacted a little? She wasn’t sure, she had been known to that. But even if that was true, she was definitely not the one out of the two of them who should apologise. And to be fair Finn did try, even if it was weakly, to apologise.

“Clarke, I’m sorry, I didn’t think…” And Clarke didn’t know what to say, she wanted to say it was alright, but it wasn’t and he didn’t even have the decency to finish his apology. But before Clarke could think of what to do Indra had stepped in.

“That’s right, mister Collins, you didn’t think. And that’s exactly your problem. Please do not contact the princess again, and sometime today her lawyers will contact you. Do not talk to the media or anyone for that matter about this. If you do you will only make it harder for yourself. Goodnight.”

Indra turned around, taking Clarke’s arm she guided her away, “come along, your highness,” she said quietly. And Clarke let herself get taken away, looking back to Finn, strangely relieved that she hadn’t had to be the one to finish that conversation, but also strangely empty. This was her life, she couldn’t live it, other people lived it for her, and you can never relax.

She settled into the car, staring out of the window as the city streets rushed by. It was still dark, the people of Arkadia were still asleep for the most part, which also meant that most of them didn’t know about it yet, these were the last moments of her life where only people who she wanted to see her naked had. The thought made her feel sick, she couldn’t handle it, she couldn’t be here, she had to go. But where would she go? And just like that the answer came, Polis, she’d go and spend a semester at Polis university; a different country, on a different continent no less, no one would know who she was.

Just like that Clarke had a new direction, she had a new adventure, and a solution to not face most of the fall out of this scandal, she felt calmer already. Plus, if that tv-program was right, she’d get to see a lot of boobs too, which was always nice.

***

Clarke swallowed nervously, standing in front of the family room of the Griffin palace, on the other side of the room were her parents, and Aden probably, having breakfast. As soon as she would enter this room it’d be real. Clarke had wanted to go to the airport straight away, just going without packing, she’d buy clothes when she was actually there, but Indra had refused, and since she had also refused to let Clarke get out, and Clarke didn’t feel like she was up to the whole jumping out of a moving vehicle routine she arrived here.

Indra nudged her gently, “the longer you’ll wait the harder it will be.” Indra said quietly.

Clarke nodded, “you’ll go in with me?”

“Of course, your highness, I’ll be there the entire time.”

Clarke nodded again, smiled weakly at Indra before taking a deep breath, opening the doors and heading in.

“Clarke!” Aden jumped up from his seat and ran to his big sister, who caught him with a grin and tossed him over her shoulder and turning him around so he could cling to her like a koala. “I missed you,” he said quietly, hiding his face into Clarke’s blonde curls.

Clarke immediately felt bad, she missed her younger brother too. He really was a sweet kid, but before she could wonder why she didn’t make more of an effort to see him more she heard her mother’s voice.

“Clarke, put Aden down. We need to talk.”

Clarke, didn’t look her mother in the eye, but slowly put Aden to the ground, her hand gently ruffling his copper hair.

“Aden, please go to your room, your father and I have to talk with Clarke.”

Aden immediately, moved to stand in front of Clarke as if protecting her, “that’s not fair,” he piped up, “I’m a part of this family too.”

“This is a conversation between adults,”

“I’m almost an adult, I’m already ten, that’s a teenager,” Aden demanded.

“Aden…” The queen’s look and tone of voice was enough to make both her kids cower a little. Clarke knew her brother well enough to know that he wouldn’t give in that easily so she stepped in.

“It’s alright, squirt. You just go to your room for a bit and I’ll come visit you after and you can tell me all about school and your crush on Jenny.”

“Clarke,” he whined, but she just smiled, lifted him up, nuzzling his cheek one last time as she brought him to the door. “I missed you, squirt, I’ll be right up,” she whispered quietly, as she put him down.

“Thank you, Aden.” Her mother said. “And Indra if you would be so kind to escort the prince to his room to make sure he actually stays there, then that would be very much appreciated.”

“Of course, your majesty,” Indra said with a bow. “Come on, little prince.” She said as she opened the door, shrugging apologetically when Clarke sent her a panicked look.

“So, Clarke, now that we are alone… What were you thinking?!? Your father and I both know you don’t care much about your reputation or ours for that matter, but I have to admit I thought even you cared at least a little. What have we done that you hate us this much? We have done nothing, but love and support you.”

Though Clarke had told herself over and over that she wouldn’t take the bait, that she wouldn’t be pulled into this fight, she would just calmly explain what had happened, her mother had gotten a rise out of her within a few seconds.

“What have you done to me?” Clarke honed, “What do you think about suffocating me, deciding my every move? I can’t even decide when or where I go, who I have to meet or like, or who my friends are.”

“If we really did decide all that you say, none of this would have happened, Clarecia. We have let you do whatever you wanted, hoping your rebellious streak would end, but you’re 20 now and it’s time for you to grow up.”

“Is that really what you believe? That if I had been a good girl and done what you asked none of this would have happened? Because I went to see Finn because you wanted me to,” Clarke accused, “and he was the one to post those things, none of my other…”

“Let’s not forget about that darling roommate of yours.” Her mother interjected angrily, her voice rising steadily.

“Abigail,” Clarke’s father tried to be the sound of reason somehow.

“No, Jake, no!” Abby said loudly, slapping her hand on the table, “you are not going to protect her this time. This has gone on long enough. She is a part of this family, she _is_ the future queen and she is going to act like it. She has to take responsibility for her actions.”

Clarke bit the inside of her cheek, to keep herself from yelling at her mother or to stop herself from crying, she wasn’t sure. “I am planning to do just that, _mother,_ ” Clarke tried to throw as much venom as she could into it, “I think it’s best if I was out of the public eye for a little while, just until all of this dies down and legally things with mister Collins have been settled. I applied to a small university in the United States, Polis, it’s called. I’ll just do some general courses, some science some political subjects, just for a semester or so.”

Clarke was impressed with her own calm, and both her parents seemed to be taken aback by this as well, but her mother wouldn’t go down that easily.

“Absolutely not, you have to face consequences, you are going to help us clean up this mess!”

“I’m not, I am going to Polis, and since I am 20 as you pointed out, I neither require your approval nor your permission.” Clarke stared her mother down and turned around.

“You need our money; I’ll freeze all your accounts!”

“Good, I’d rather live on the streets than take your money anyhow,” Clarke yelled before she slammed the door shut. As soon as she had the tears that had been threatening to spill since she had seen the video spilled over. She ran up to her room, slamming that door shut too.

She had been crying on her bed for a while, and obviously fallen asleep afterwards, because when she woke up she was wrapped around her little brother, who was stroking her hair quietly.

“You didn’t come to my room,” he said quietly as an explanation.

“I know, squirt, I’m sorry,” Clarke rubbed her eyes.

“Father said you’re leaving for a long while, it’s not true is it?” Aden looked at Clarke with big sad eyes and she almost just halted her entire plan right then, but she couldn’t, the thought of having to read what people said about her in the media was too hard.

So selfishly she told her brother the truth, “I’m going, for a semester, maximum of a year.”

“No!” Aden called out, moving from her bed.

“Aden, please, let me explain.”

“No, nonono, mother is right. You don’t care about us; all you care about is yourself!” And with that Aden ran out of her room. She wanted to run after him, making him understand, but he was right. What would she tell him? I got drunk, had sex with someone and they ended up telling people? It was her own dumb fault.

She had quickly packed her stuff, and was heading out, deciding to say goodbye to her parents at least when she heard them talking with someone.

“Abigail, I think we should consider supporting her decision. Isn’t it a good thing that she wants to go to university this time? It was her own idea, and she needs to stay out of the papers until this dies down.”

Clarke couldn’t help but feel a surge of fondness for her father.

“Fine,” her mother replied in a clipped voice, “but I was serious about the money, and Indra you’ll go with her, make sure she keeps out of trouble.”

“Me, your majesty, I don’t think… surely someone else is more capable…”

“Not another word, Indra. She listens to you…sometimes at least, and I trust you. Now go.”

And with that Indra was dismissed and before Clarke had a chance to hide Indra opened the door sullenly.

“I guess I’ll be joining you, your highness.”

“I guess you will.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys liked it.  
> As always please let me know what you think. I love to hear your thoughts.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke arrives at Polis U and ends up at the bar where Lexa is working. Clarke thinks she is being charming, while Lexa's conclusion is that she is just straight-up annoying.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love the enthusiasm you guys have been showing! It makes me smile and try even harder to get this story right.  
> Here it is the much anticipated first interaction. I hope you enjoy!  
> And as always let me know what you think. (:

“Your highness?” Clarke heard Indra’s voice, but she felt nowhere near capable of opening her eyes and waking up. She had no idea what she had been doing the night before, but she felt like actual trash.

“Five more minutes, Indra.” She tried to turn around only to find that it wasn’t possible; so with a dramatic sigh she opened her eyes.

“Your highness, we’ve arrived at Polis University.” Indra stated.

Clarke nodded, the sight of the university building and the students walking around woke her up more effectively than Indra’s words. She turned around to her bodyguard, “Okay first rule, none of that your highness stuff. The point of being here is that no one actually knows that I am a princess. Just call me Clarke. And that also means don’t treat me like a princess, I’m just Clarke your college roommate.”

“I don’t think the queen would-“

“I don’t care what _the queen_ would or would not approve of. She isn’t here and I am, besides you don’t want the media here do you?”

“Of course not, your high-“ Clarke glared at Indra, so the woman finished with a muttered, “I mean Clarke.” To which Clarke nodded with a smile.

“Good now that we have agreed on that, let’s go see where we sleep.”

“Wait, we’re sleeping at the university, in a dorm?” Indra’s face clearly indicated that she was not amused by this at all.

“Yes of course, what did you think? I want the true college experience.” Clarke grinned and got out of the car. The movement made her realise how stiff she was; she stretched and cracked her neck. “God, I never realised being poor was so exhausting and uncomfortable.” She muttered to herself as she tried to get the blood flowing through her limbs again.

Clarke turned to face Indra when she heard a derisive snort, she felt amused that Indra was apparently already feeling a lot freer with her. “Yes? You have something to say, Indra?”

“I do, because you claiming you know what it’s like to be poor is ridiculous, if you don’t mind me saying, your… Clarke.” Indra stated with a hint of anger as she opened up the trunk and started unloading their bags. “To you poor is flying first class instead of in the private jet. That’s not poor, that’s being filthy rich and claiming that it is, is quite obnoxious, not to mention privileged and just plain wrong. Being poor is not to even being able to go on a trip let alone a plane to some far-off destination; it’s having to eat pasta and ketchup for a week because you had to buy new shoes; it’s wearing 4 sweaters in winter and lying in bed so you don’t have to put the heat on. That’s what being poor is really like.”

Clarke looked at Indra, who was very focussed on their bags, and she felt ashamed. The way Indra talked about it made Clarke suspect that Indra knew from first-hand experience what it was like. Plus, Indra had always been one to tell Clarke what she thought or if she disagreed, but it was usually in a detached way and it was almost never as a reaction to what Clarke said in conversation with Indra, but rather her plans.

That was also the moment that Clarke realised that she almost never really had a conversation with Indra, not one where they really talked. This was the first one that came close and it was clear that Indra didn’t think much of her; and why would she? Clarke knew nothing of Indra, she didn’t even know if she had children, siblings, a partner.

“I’m sorry, Indra, you’re right. It was a stupid thing to say; I was making a joke, but it wasn’t funny. I clearly know nothing about what it’s like to struggle financially. I, you…” Clarke looked at Indra, completely out of her debt, she wanted to ask Indra if she was okay, if she had lived through something like that, or even about her family, but she didn’t. She was afraid it would look like she didn’t really care, that she just asked because she felt guilty. Which she did, she felt guilty, guilty that she hadn’t ever really considered that Indra was more than just her bodyguard, Indra was a real human being, who had her own home, her own life. But the guilt wasn’t the only reason she wanted to know these things, with the realisation that Indra had her own life it made Clarke curious about it.

Indra must have seen the nerves on Clarke’s face however because she muttered a “don’t worry about it,” as she bent down to grab most of their luggage.

Clarke grinned, slipping back into the role she felt most at ease with, slipping on her sunglasses, and without looking back she headed towards the building. “Let’s go see our room.”

As soon as she opened the door and saw bunkbeds Clarke let out a laugh, “I call top bunk!” She yelled out, immediately climbing on it. She took out her phone and called Octavia.

“Guess what, O!” She yelled excitedly into her phone as soon as Octavia answered. She heard a loud yelp and stared to her phone for a second in surprise, “O?” She asked, “why are you yelling?”

“Why am I yelling? Why are you? It’s the middle of the night here, Clarke.”

“You’re grouchy,” Clarke stated with a grin.

“I need my beauty sleep.”

“Bullshit, you’re beautiful already.”  Clarke said, “anyway that’s not why I called-“

“No?” Octavia sassed, “you didn’t call me to tell me I’m beautiful. You’re a horrible best friend.”

Clarke laughed, “it wasn’t the _only_ reason I called, so if you just be quiet for a second I can tell you. I am at my dorm, and we have bunkbeds! How amazing is that?”

Octavia laughed, “your ultimate childhood dream, finally realised when you’ve been ostracised by your family.”

“I’ve not been ostracised, O. This was my plan, remember.”

“No, actually I don’t remember,” Octavia yawned, “because you only told me about it on your way to the airport.”

Clarke could hear the annoyance in her friend’s voice. “I know, I’m sorry, it was just really sudden.” She tried to explain as she heard someone knocking on the door. “Indra, will you get that?” She said distractedly as she tried to continue her conversation with Octavia, but the knocking only grew more insistent.

“Indra, please?” She looked around the room in annoyance, only to realise that Indra wasn’t there. “Uhm, O, I’ve got to go.”

“What, why?” Octavia sounded suspicious.

“I think I may have lost Indra.”

“Wait, what? What are you talking-“ but before Octavia could finish her question Clarke had hung up on her.

Jumping down from the bunkbed she headed to the door, but once she stood in front of it she wasn’t sure what to do. She wasn’t really sure what protocol was now, she usually never was allowed to open the door, but now that she was alone she really didn’t have a choice. It was such a small thing, such a stupid thing, but this more than anything drove home the fact that she really hadn’t been on her own too much, and that she might not be as self-sufficient as she thought. She had been so annoyed to hear that Indra had to come with her, but right in that moment she was so thankful that the woman had come.

Relief and happiness surged through her when she saw it was in fact Indra. “Oh thank god, Indra!” Clarke was so happy to see the woman that she threw her arms around her and hugged her tight. “I wasn’t sure what to do, I mean you usually never let me open the door, but there was no one else, and I got a little nervous, but then it was just you!”

“Uhm, Clarke, that’s all great, and I’m _so proud_ that you were able to open a door by yourself,” Indra deadpanned, “but I’m still carrying all our luggage and maybe instead of hugging me to show gratitude you could actually help.”

“Oh right, of course, I’m sorry, that’s what roommates do, right?” Clarke pulled away from the hug, smiling a little awkwardly at Indra, who simply nodded.

“Okay then,” Clarke bent down to pick up a bag and drag it in. She started unpacking her clothes and stuff, looking around. It was weird to have all her stuff in just a few bags and suitcases, to have no one tell her what her itinerary was for this trip, she could decide that all for herself. It was weird, but it was everything Clarke had ever wanted, everything her parents had always reminded her was not possible. The thought of her parents reminded her.

“Indra, have you heard from mother or father? I texted them at the airport, to let them know we landed. Normally they always call, no matter how late.”

“No, I haven’t had contact with either of them” Indra said distractedly, as she was unpacking her own stuff, “but I don’t think they would contact me in any case, maybe you just don’t have mobile service here yet. After all I don’t know if they’ve been able to fix that yet.”

Clarke felt a knot form in her stomach, “yeah, that must be it,” she muttered, but she knew that it was a lie. She took her phone out, maybe the message just hadn’t sent, but as she looked at the small notification that indicated that her mother had read the message she realised. This was the first time ever that her mother hadn’t called her after a plane ride, she didn’t care how her daughter was doing. The thought was almost enough to make her second-guess the entire plan and just go back. But the thought of heading back with her tail between her legs and the face her mother would make was enough to fire her defiance and anger.

“Indra, we need to go to a bar tonight, get a taste of the college life, my treat.” This was going to be great, she could just feel it.

* * *

 

It had been such a long day, she was exhausted; it was only the first week of classes, but already they were so much harder than last year and so much more demanding. All she wanted to do was go home and go to bed, but instead she was at her job. The only thing she was thankful for was that Kane had given her the evening bar shifts this week which meant the grill was already off and all she had to do was stand behind the bar and get people their drinks.

Raven always joked how she really wasn’t nice enough to have a job where your wage mainly consisted of tips, and honestly sometimes Lexa wondered if it was true, but she had long since learned to put on a smile on her face, talk with the drunks, flirt a little and she knew she looked good which helped so much more than she had been willing to believe when she started this job.

She glanced down at her watch, it was eleven; only two more hours and then she could kick everyone out and hopefully be in bed an hour later. But when she looked up there was once second where she forgot how to calculate how many minutes she’d be able to sleep before her alarm would go off the next morning.

She felt her phone vibrate and quickly looked around if there weren’t any customers needing help before sliding out her phone and answering. “Raven, I’m working.”

“I know, but you left me alone and now I’m bored.”

Lexa let out a sigh, but smiled nonetheless, “don’t you have coursework to do?”

“Nah, I’m done with most of it.”

“Remind me again why we are friends? It’s not fair that you are this much of a genius.”

“Probably because besides a genius, I’m also funny, charming, and just all around amazing.”

“Yeah…. that must be it.” Lexa muttered but she was paying very little attention to the conversation anymore.

“Lex? Lexa! What’s happening?”

A beautiful girl walked into the bar, one Lexa had never seen before even though she looked vaguely familiar. But Lexa was sure they had never met, she would have remembered this girl, with her blonde curls, winning smile and enthusiastic gestures as she was explaining something to the woman she was with. Then Lexa’s attention was being drawn to someone who wanted to order and she quickly hung up her phone after a quick bye to Raven. She almost forgot about the girl, except when her gaze happened to sweep over her a lot during her shift.

It had been quiet for a little while and Lexa was cleaning some glasses her back to the bar when she heard someone clear their throat only to see a pair of sparkling blue eyes look at her with a grin. “Hi, I’m new here, I’m Clarke Gr…- just Clarke.”

Lexa raised a brow in confusion, why was this girl introducing herself to her? “Uhm hi, just Clarke, I’m just your bartender for the evening.” She tried to smile and sound as confident as the blonde in front of her, but it was hard, especially when the blonde’s grin only widened at Lexa’s words.

“Can I order a pair of burgers?”

Lexa shook her head, “it’s after nine,” she pointed towards the sign that had the schedule on it.

“Not even if I flutter my lashes at you,” Lexa stared at the girl as she indeed fluttered her lashes. She wasn’t sure if she felt more flustered or outraged at the move. No she knew, definitely more outraged, especially after what the blonde said next. “It’s been known to be quite effective.”

“Well, it doesn’t work on me.” Lexa said brusquely, cleaning the glass in her hand with a lot more force than before. “The kitchen is closed, so if you don’t want anything else, I have a lot of work to do.”

“Clearly,” Clarke said as she looked around the half empty bar. Which only caused Lexa to grow more agitated; who did this girl think she was? She turned around grabbing a box of empty bottles, deciding she definitely needed to take a breath in the back before she could come back and put her customer face back on. But of course this girl didn’t know how to stop.

“Wait! Look I’m sorry, that was pretty awful of me, I’m sorry…” The blonde looked at her questioningly, but Lexa was definitely not going to tell her her name.

“Apology accepted,” she said tersely.

“It doesn’t sound like it,” the blonde laughed, “but I’ll take what I can get. So since burgers are out, then can I get something to drink from my favourite bartender?”

Lexa rolled her eyes and put the box of bottles down, “I’m he only bartender tonight.”

“Exactly, so I have to make sure I stay somewhat in your good graces, right? Anything you’d recommend?”

Lexa smiled a little, feeling more comfortable now that the girl seemed to act a little more like an actual person instead of some kind of fuckboy character. And talking about drinks, that was something Lexa could do and was a lot more comfortable with.

She leaned a little over the bar with a smile. “Well, it all depends on what you want, we have beer, wine, stronger liquor.

“Why don’t we start with two beers.” Lexa raised a brow, “don’t worry,” the blonde laughed, “the other one is not for you, I actually came here with someone.” Lexa looked over her shoulder right into the impassive stare of the woman the blonde had come in with. She felt weird, the way the woman was staring at her, Lexa felt like she was being analysed or something. This entire set-up made her feel uncomfortable she decided and it was all to this blonde in front of her, Clarke.

“Right of course, well what kind of beer can I get you?” She asked, trying to think of a way to get her away from her bar as soon as possible

“Which one is your favourite?”

“I don’t really drink beer.”

“Well, what’s your recommendation?”

“I don’t know, you can try the Kogelvanger, it’s brewed by a local brewery and you can totally taste that extra fifty cents.” Lexa said sarcastically, but Clarke didn’t seem to notice.

“We’ll start with those then, thanks.” She grinned and turned around.

“Wait,” Lexa called out, “you have to pay, and I am not bringing them to you.”

“We’ll drink more than one drink, can’t you put it on my tab?”

“You don’t have a tab here, and no.”

“Alright, I’ll be right back,” the blonde simply smiled as she almost skipped back to her table. When they were there they seemed to be discussing and almost arguing before the blonde headed back and Lexa quickly tried to look busy.”

“So, I’m guessing you guys don’t take credit cards or foreign bills, right?”

And as Lexa had come to expect when she looked back up she was staring into a wide grin. “That would be an accurate guess,” Lexa replied.

“Lucky for me I planned ahead,” the blonde moved her hand to her pocket and started fumbling with the bills, at this Lexa had to laugh, because she had seen the blonde’s partner giving her the money with an eye roll.

“You’re such a liar, I saw your girlfriend give you the money.” Lexa teased as she poured the drinks.

At that Clarke let out a loud laugh and shuddered. “Indra? My girlfriend? No!” she quickly assured Lexa, “I’ve known Indra my whole life, she’s basically a second mother for me,” that’s when Clarke’s expression got a little darker and she seemed to mutter darkly, more to herself than to Lexa, “sometimes even more of a first.” But as soon as the darkened expression had come that is how quickly it was gone, though the easy going Clarke of before didn’t came back, instead it was the smug grin the girl had worn in the beginning. “Plus, I’d kind of hoped you’d be my girlfriend.”

“Ugh here,” Lexa laughed as she rolled her eyes, “your drinks, now leave me alone and go bother someone else, Indra, she looks like she is used to it.” With a final laugh Lexa took the money and turned around to put it in the register.

***

Yo, barkeep!” Lexa turned her head away from the customer she was currently helping, to look at the maker of the noise, who was currently banging her shot glass down on the table.

“Calm down, Clarke, I’m with a customer right now. I’ll get to you in a bit.”

“But I’m a customer,” Clarke whined loudly as she headed over to Lexa.

“Well, so is he, so sit down and I’ll be with you in a second.” Lexa rolled her eyes at the huff Clarke made when she sank down on a barstool, moving back to finish the guy’s order.

When she finished, she headed back to Clarke. “We’re almost closing, you know?”

“Are you trying to get me to come home with you?” Clarke grinned that smug smile that had already started to irritate Lexa. How could a girl have two such different sides to her, she wondered.

“What? No!” Lexa exclaimed with annoyance, “I am just saying that I am close to throwing you out.”

“But can I still have a drink?”

“Don’t you think you had enough?” Lexa asked as she saw Clarke sway slightly in her seat.

Clarke huffed, “you’re not my mother!”

“No, but the person who is according to you like a second mom has been glaring at you for most of the night.”

“Who cares? Why can’t I ever have fun? Everybody can do what they want, but not me. Oh no, when I want to have fun, I need to get it passed a committee of public relations experts and bribe people.”

Lexa stared at Clarke in confusion for a second, before deciding this girl was obviously even drunker than she looked. “Fine, one final drink, what will it be?”

“I don’t know,” Clarke grinned as her head lolled slightly, “what’s the drink that will get me to see your boobs?”

“Excuse me?!?”

“You know,” Clarke made to lift her shirt a little, “Polis university girls gone wild!” She leaned in closer, clearly not noticing how angry Lexa looked, “I’ll show you mine if you show me yours.” But before Clarke had finished her final sentence she was yelping at the cold shower she felt.

Lexa felt a little satisfied when she saw the blonde completely drenched, mascara dripping down her cheeks. “Who do you even think you are?” Lexa bellowed and pointed her finger to the door. “Get out!”

“Come on, Clarke.” Lexa startled slightly when she heard another voice, she hadn’t realised Indra had been that close. “I think we overstayed our welcome.” Clarke was just muttering unintelligibly as she leaned against Indra. Then Indra turned towards Lexa, putting some extra money on the bar.

“Don’t worry, she already paid,” Lexa rushed to reassure her. She felt a little embarrassed about what she had done in front of the other woman, not because Clarke hadn’t deserved it, but because Indra seemed so nonplussed about it.

“Oh I know; this is just a tip for having to deal with her all night. She’s not… well she isn’t _always_ like this.” Indra wrapped an arm around Clarke’s waist and dragged her out.

Since Clarke and Indra were the last customers Lexa decided to just close for the night, after all she had a big spill to mop up. While she was cleaning the mess he made she couldn’t find it in herself to regret it though; it had felt oddly satisfying. She had never felt the need to do something like this before, but somehow Clarke made her blood boil when she was using her fuckboy tricks on her. Clarke was beautiful and Lexa had appreciated something to look at, but she hoped with all her heart that it would be a while before she had to look at that beautiful blonde face again.

***

“Good morning, sunshine.”

Lexa groaned at Raven’s chipper voice. “Coffee?”

Raven chuckled and handed Lexa a mug, pointing towards their machine.

“Thanks,” Lexa sipped from her coffee and let out an appreciative hum, she felt more awake and ready to start the day already.

“So…”

Lexa looked up at Raven in confusion, “so?”

“Who was she?”

“Who was who?”

“The girl that caught your eye when we were on the phone last night.” Raven raised an eyebrow as if to tell her she couldn’t deny it.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Lexa muttered, quickly heading to a cabinet to make herself some toast before she had to leave.

“Right, that’s why your face is turning red, come on tell me.” Raven hopped on the counter next to her, a ridiculously eager expression on my face. “She must have been a beauty to distract the little heda from her work.”

Lexa closed her eyes and let out a pained groan, “I will kill Anya for telling you that nickname.”

“Don’t,” Raven laughed, “before she had your dad had already told me.”

“That’s just great,” Lexa muttered, jamming two slices of bread in their toaster with more force than strictly necessary.

“Come on, Lex, just tell me, you know you’ll do so in the end. If you start right now you just prevent me from getting on your nerves.”

“Raven, it’s too early for this. I still need to eat breakfast, shower and get dressed and my next class starts in forty-five minutes.” Lexa was trying everything she could to prevent talking about that blonde. Especially because she knew Raven would make it a bigger deal than it was, and all Lexa really wanted to do was just forget about last night and focus on today, for instance her anatomy lab. She was looking forward to the class a lot, it was something that came close to what she would have to learn in med school.

“Tell me and it will all go a lot faster. I’ll butter your toast even while you gather your stuff.”

“Fine,” Lexa rolled her eyes, heading to her room to grab her books, leaving the door open so Raven could hear. “There really isn’t much to tell. She was cute, beautiful really, like wow, but that all changed when she opened her mouth. She is just another one of those people who only come to uni to party.”

“Nothing wrong with wanting to have a good time though,” Raven said as she was chewing.

“That better be your own toast,” Lexa demanded, only to get a grin from Raven as she got offered the other piece. “Of course there is nothing wrong with wanting to have a good time,” Lexa explained, “but you should have seen and heard her, Raven, hitting on me with those awful false suave comments. I mean sometimes she seemed nice, there was even this moment…”

But before Lexa could really finish that thought she was stopped by an overeager Raven, whose face was nearly squished against Lexa’s own, “yes?” she urged.

Lexa laughed, “I don’t know, never mind. It’s not important. I need to go shower and head over to anatomy. We’ll eat dinner here? You can choose what to order.”

“Lexa, come on, don’t leave me hanging!” Raven exclaimed.

“There is nothing more to tell.” And with that Lexa turned around heading to their shower.

***

She had no idea how she had done it, but Lexa was early; she was the first one waiting in front of the classroom door. She was glad though, this would mean she could choose the best seat. She peered through the window, her eye immediately falling on the white coats. She knew these were just lab coats, not like the coats doctors wore, but still it made her smile.

As soon as the professor opened the classroom Lexa stepped in, looking around she chose one of the tables close to the front to set down her stuff on. There were more students now and slowly but surely the class started to fill up. There were a few people Lexa knew, they were pre-med as well so they took a lot of the same classes. They stopped by for a quick hello or waved while they got their seats too.

Soon enough the professor closed the door and introduced himself. He was just handing Lexa a seating chart when the door opened again. Lexa, always annoyed with late-comers looked up frustrated only to let out a small groan. Of course Clarke and Indra were in this class too. But apparently Lexa was not the only person who didn’t appreciate latecomers.

“My class started five minutes ago. So maybe if you manage to be on time next time you will be able to join us.”

“Oh sir, we apologise,” Clarke started, and Lexa’s mouth dropped at how well the blonde could pull off sincerity. “I had to visit with the dean to get my classes approved since we’re foreign exchange students.” Clarke walked to the front confidently, handing the professor a note.

To Lexa’s frustration the professor nodded, “fine, but I’m sorry I only have one spot left in this class.”

“But sir,” this was the first time Indra spoke in class, she was still standing by the door.

“No, I’m sorry, no exceptions, I don’t care if you’re engaged, or can’t live without each other.” The professor had already bent over his desk, ruffling in his paper, barely paying attention anymore. “Please close the door on your way out.”

“I’ll be fine, Indra, I’ll see you after class,” Clarke smiled, and Indra nodded, turning around.

“So we meet again,” was the next thing Lexa heard, too close to her. She turned around to look again in those familiar blue eyes. She quickly looked around if there was no other spot for Clarke to sit. Before she could suggest a trade or something the professor started talking again.

“Look to the person sharing a table with you, this will be your lab partner for the entire semester.”

Lexa groaned, her hand immediately shooting up in the sky, but the professor answered her unspoken question. “No possibility to trade, now miss,” he looked at Lexa, “if you’d be so kind as to fill your name on the seating chart and pass it along then we can get started.”

Lexa nodded lamely and wrote her name down. “This is going to be fun, right? You and me.” She heard a voice whisper next to her, and she knew she couldn’t postpone talking to Clarke any longer.”

“Clarke, please I’m trying to pay attention.” She said quietly. “He is explaining things we need to know for our first lab and I don’t want to miss anything.”

“Oh please, you seem smart enough to be able to pay attention and talk a little.”

“How are you even up right now? I’d have expected you to still be in bed with a hangover.”

“Oh I would have been if it hadn’t been for Indra, but she makes a mean hangover cure, and she can be really mean too,” Clarke chuckled a little.

“Who is Indra even? Why did she come here with you?”

“We just came to uni together.”

“She is too old to be a student.”

“That’s ageist.”

“Shut up, I’m trying to focus.” Lexa got annoyed with herself because she couldn’t stop herself from cracking a smile, and got even more annoyed when she saw Clarke’s smirk from the corner of her eyes. “And stop smirking.”

Clarke let her be for a while after that, she had even taken out a notebook and was writing things down diligently. Lexa was starting to wonder if maybe she had just Clarke too harshly, after all Raven and a few of her other friends enjoyed partying as well, but they still got good grades and worked for it.

When she glanced at Clarke’s paper the next time though she saw that though Clarke’s pencil was still moving furiously across the paper she had long since given up writing things down. Instead she was creating intricate patterns on the margins of her page; Lexa couldn’t stop looking away for a minute or so, every time she tried there was another small detail that caught her eye.

“I thought you were trying to pay attention? That’s what I’m counting on right now, you know.”

Lexa let out a quiet huff as she saw Clarke grinning, not taking her eyes off the page and diligently continuing her artwork.

“Why aren’t you taking notes anymore?”

Clarke shrugged, “I got bored.”

“Bored?!?” Lexa hissed in exasperation, “Clarke, we still have an entire course load to go. You have to at least try to-”

“I like the way you say my name.”

“I’m sorry, what?” Lexa finally managed to stop staring at the art thanks to Clarke’s words, instead looking at the girl with incredulous eyes. “Stop joking around, I’m being serious.”

“I know, so was I,” Lexa wasn’t sure, but she thought she saw a slight blush on Clarke’s cheeks, though you’ve been about as annoyed with me as my mother. Yikes confessing mommy issues before the first date, big mistake.” Clarke’s tone of voice was sarcastic and joking, but a part of Lexa got the idea there was some sort of truth hidden in there somewhere.

“I’m only annoyed with you when you’re being annoying,” Lexa offered, only to realise, “which has been most of the time, really.”

Clarke let out a snort, and Lexa smiled.

“I’ll tell you what,” Clarke turned on her seat, finally looking away from her drawing. “I’ll pay attention, stop my lame attempts at doodling and take notes the rest of the class, if and only if you tell me your name.”

“That sounds fair, I’m Lexa,” Lexa said quietly, and after hesitating for a second she added, “and I don’t think your doodling attempt is lame, it’s pretty.”

“Well lucky me, Lexa,” Clarke looked up, boring her blue eyes into Lexa’s, trapping the brunette in her gaze, and all Lexa could think was how she liked the wat Clarke said _her_ name too, “pretty was exactly what I was going for.”

“If the ladies on the front row will pay attention as well,” the professor called, causing Lexa to flush in embarrassment, quickly muttering an apology.

Lexa started scribbling furiously, trying to make up for the time Clarke had been distracting her. This girl was the worst thing that could have happened to Lexa in her final year, she decided. She was just going to focus on her schoolwork and ignore the annoying, distracting, unmotivated blonde as much as possible. Because she was the worst, the absolute worst; and the part of Lexa that carefully tried to disagree got squashed down hard.

***

Lexa was rushing to get to her art appreciation class in time. She had no idea how all of this was even possible, Clarke hadn’t been here a day and already everything Lexa had worked for seemed to be falling apart; she had never been scolded by a teacher before, and she had never been late for a class before.

She hadn’t had another choice though, because Clarke had turned to her as soon as the professor told her class was over and started to talk again about hanging out or something, and Lexa was about to say that Clarke should just leave her alone when the back of Clarke’s hand brushed the skin of Lexa’s arm ever so slightly and she simply hadn’t been able to open her mouth, she just felt these goose bumps erupt and this kind of electric jolt.

She had no idea what had been going on, things like that didn’t happen to her, they were for those stupid romantic novels where people actually liked each other, she did not even _like_ Clarke. So he got up and bolted, just straight up ran out of the door, past Indra and to the bathrooms.

Lexa had settled herself there for a few seconds catching her breath, trying to analyse what was going on. Normally she would get Raven’s input, but with this morning, she knew what Raven was going to say; and since she also knew that Raven was wrong, there was no point in getting her input. In the end Lexa decided that it was just that she was too appalled by Clarke’s attitude, and that she was a little, just a little flustered by her beauty, but that was totally outshone by her behaviour.

Luckily she was still on time when she arrived at the classroom, even if she wasn’t the first. She quickly rushed to sit down in a seat, any seat really, wanting to draw as little attention to herself as possible. This was one of the few classes she wasn’t looking forward to; part of that was that she was required to follow one course in the liberal arts area, which frustrated her a lot; another part was that she just wasn’t that interested in it.

When Lexa looked at a painting, she saw a painting that was it, she didn’t understand how people could go on and on abut deeper meaning. Sure sometimes she could understand that there was symbolism involved, but usually if she looked at a painting and thought  _I like it, or I don’t_. And now here she was, with a few heavy books, feeling completely out of her depth, without anyone she knew.

When the professor started his lecture she soon found herself making notes as she always did. He was explaining key characteristics of different art style, and she enjoyed the fact that these were concrete things she could look for; it made art much more another kind of science instead of that vague wishy washy subject she had always taken it for.

However even though she was slowly losing some of her nerves she found herself unable to pay full attention the entire time, her eyes kept flitting to the door, afraid to see a certain blonde appear and distract her from her work even more.

***

“Today has been the worst day,” Lexa stormed into her dorm and threw herself face first onto the couch.

“Well, hello to you too,” Raven piped up from the floor, where she was working on some kind of device. “Tell auntie Raven why today has been so bad.”

“I got scolded in anatomy lab for one thing, my lab partner is annoying, and I couldn’t focus during art appreciation, which already is so far beyond me, I just don’t understand-“

“Yeah yeah,” Raven nudged Lexa to move so she could squish herself onto the couch as well, “I am all too familiar with your art appreciation rants. I want to know about the scolding! Because Lexa Woods getting a scolding, in a subject she actually likes, I thought I’d never see the day.”

“It wasn’t my fault; my lab partner was distracting me.” Lexa muttered, now that she had uttered her frustration she was regretting telling Raven. There was no way she was going to let it go.

“Who is this lab partner? Because I have to congratulate them.”

Lexa huffed, let out a deep sigh, hugged a pillow and didn’t look at Raven when she muttered mulishly, “it was the girl from last night, Clarke.”

“Oh my god!” Raven flung herself at Lexa, squishing Lexa’s cheeks between her hands, “oh my god! You like her!”

“Ugh Raven, stop!” Lexa pushed Raven off of her in annoyance, “I’m not six years old. She bugs me, she is annoying and she made me look bad in class. Sometimes she seems nice, but she is nothing but trouble. I don’t want trouble, I want to study, get good grades and graduate.”

“Come on, Lex you can have fun and get good grades.”

“I have fun,” Raven snorted and Lexa looked offended. “What?!? I do!” She exclaimed.

Raven patted Lexa’s cheek. “I know, honey,” she said soothingly, “but you have to admit that there are times that you lose track of fun and just keep working. There is nothing wrong with that, but everyone needs to let loose a little now and then, and Clarke sounds like she does that.”

“A little too much,” Lexa muttered, “I don’t want to talk about it anymore. Tell me about what you’re making.” And as soon as Lexa had said that Raven started talking passionately about circuits and Lexa knew they wouldn’t be talking about this particular blonde any time soon.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa has had enough, and Clarke gets a wake-up call, literally.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, here it is, just in time before this sunday will turn into a monday.  
> I'm loving all the comments and kudos everyone is giving, truly it makes me so happy! (I know I say this every time, but it's just because it's true and I'm just overwelmed by it).
> 
> I also want to say that I hear the concern a lot of you have over Clarke and her more 'frattboy' tendencies. let's call them that for now. And I want you to know that I hear them, and I understand and I don't always like it myself, but I think that it's her way of coping and trying to control something when she didn't have the power in her life to control anyhting else.
> 
> Anyway that being said, this is the chapter from where we will see the true change come I think.
> 
> I hope you guys like it, and as always let me know what you think. Enjoy!

It had been about three weeks now since the start of the semester and so far, it hadn’t been the worst, Lexa had to admit to her own surprise. Not that she had spent a lot of her energy thinking about Clarke, or anatomy lab, or art appreciation; she didn’t do things like that; at least that’s what she told herself.

Clarke had been at every class so far, even though she still came in a little late sometimes and she clearly wasn’t as interested or as motivated as Lexa, Lexa hadn’t expected her too. She had been paired with other students before and they almost never were as driven as she was, that was just the way it was. But Clarke did the work that Lexa told her to, even if Clarke was in the habit of demanding things in return, weird things. There was the week that Clarke had wanted to know about her family, her high school friends, etc.

Lexa had o idea what that was about, she thought it a little strange, but she answered some of the girl’s questions, even though Clarke never spoke about her family.  Part of Lexa hoped that Clarke might notice that she didn’t press Clarke for answers and that might Clarke do the same, but that didn’t happen. And Lexa didn’t tell Clarke to stop asking questions because she enjoyed this fragile equilibrium they had created, though she did shush her sometimes, determined not to be scolded by the teacher anymore.

And there was one big advantage to having Clarke as her partner that she hadn’t anticipated, and that was the fact that Clarke was somewhat of an artist. The first part of the semester they focussed on cell-structure; they had to use microscopes, draw the cells and name every aspect of it, and Clarke did so almost to perfection. Lexa thought Clarke even might like it, she did have a grin on her face when they got their assignment back and received an Excellent.

And art appreciation was hard, Lexa couldn’t deny that, she didn’t understand what most of the other students meant talking about paintings and she herself luckily hadn’t been asked in class before. But she was getting all the different periods down and the most important characteristics of the different painting styles, and really wasn’t that the most important thing anyway? That was what was going to be asked on exams and assignments anyway, because how could you grade someone on whether or not they liked a painting or other piece of art?

So all in all it hadn’t been as bad as Lexa had worried after that initial day of classes after Clarke arrived, but when asked about it by Raven she simply shrugged. And when asked by Clarke if they could hang out she always said no. The fact that Clarke wasn’t as bad as she had feared hadn’t made her forget how Clarke had acted in the beginning, and still acted at times.

Because even though Clarke was making an effort in this class she also wasn’t shy about telling when she was bored, which was a lot, was easily distracted by other people. Plus, the fact that Lexa had seen her at Grounders a few more times, and though Clarke always made the effort to come and talk to her, with minimal annoying pickup lines and flirting before drinking, a little more after; her attention was always pulled by someone else each night. Not that that particularly bothered Lexa, she just didn’t feel like she needed friends like that, they were lab partners, nothing more. It did leave Indra sitting at the bar, looking at Clarke as she was engrossed in dancing with a random boy or girl.

Which was something that was really starting to get on her nerves, again as she had told Raven what felt like a thousand times not the dancing, but the fact that she still did not understand one bit of Clarke’s and Indra’s relationship. Because if Clarke was tight-lipped about her family and home life, then Indra was positively mute. She made some polite small talk with Lexa at the bar, asked a bit about her classes, but that was it really. And watching the interactions didn’t tell Lexa anything, they made it weirder in fact. Because somehow Indra seemed to be distant towards Clarke while caring a lot, and she was condescending, but at the same time being dutiful and sometimes even subservient, leaving most choices with Clarke, not even offering her own opinion. Plus, the fact that Indra always held on to Clarke’s coat and helped her in it at the end of the night was plain weird.

But she seemed the only person who thought this was interesting. Raven had agreed with her that it was weird, but had also made very clear, after Lexa brought it up again that she didn’t care, and that she didn’t understand why Lexa cared. Which was something that baffled Lexa herself, she really couldn’t explain it

***

“Hey sexy Lexi,” Clarke grinned as she leaned across the bar.

Lexa rolled her eyes, “I’ve told you a hundred times, don’t call me that.”

“I know, I’m sorry,” Clarke tried to look repentant, but failed due to her grin, “but I like teasing you, when you crease your brows like that, your lips make this little pout and it’s kind of adorable. Plus, it’s our thing.”

“Our thing?”

“Yeah,” Clarke nodded vehemently, “I say something dumb, and you roll your eyes and pretend you don’t like it, and then we both laugh.”

Lexa crossed her arms, “I’m not laughing.”

“Well not right now,” Clarke laughed, “but you do sometimes, and then it’s the best.” Clarke smiled and let out a wistful sigh, only to turn bright red when she actually realised what she had said and done. “Uhm… I mean… I should probably shut up right now.” Clarke looked away from Lexa, gripping the back of her neck with her hand and letting out an awkward laugh. “What I meant to say was can you make two of your famous burgers? Mine with everything you’ve got and Indra’s just normal, whatever that means.”

“Clarke…” Lexa frowns a little, it’s clear Clarke is feeling very uncomfortable, and she wasn’t sure what she could do about it.

“I forgot to bring my wallet, it’s still at the table, I’ll be right back.”

And just like that, confused as to what was happening, Lexa watched Clarke bolt. She shrugged and started working on those burgers, that was something she could understand and do well at least; Clarke was too confusing.

* * *

 

The burgers were almost done when Clarke returned, having decided to just act like what happened before hadn’t happened at all. She didn’t even know why she would say something so lame and felt so awkward about it after, that wasn’t at all like her. She never cared what others thought of what she said, she was known to be very candid, but apparently not as much as she thought. There were moments where she wondered if coming here had been the right idea, because it only made her feel more confused. “How much do I owe you, barkeep?”

“I’m not behind the bar today.”

“Right… grill master?” Clarke wondered, but her face immediately frowned in distaste, and both she and Lexa laughed when they uttered “definitely not,” at the same time.

“Anyway, how much is it?” Clarke grabbed a bunch of bills from her wallet, trying to avoid Lexa’s gaze. She couldn’t decide whether she liked it or not. Hell, she couldn’t even decide if she liked Lexa or not. Sure Lexa was beautiful, and smart, and sometimes funny, but she was very serious and she hardly seemed to enjoy anything; which was pretty much the opposite of Clarke’s vision for life. Still there was something about the beautiful brunette that made Clarke a lot more invested than she dared to admit.

“Clarke,” Lexa started, and Clarke could feel herself panicking, Lexa was definitely going to start talking about what she said earlier, and she definitely didn’t want to talk about that, she didn’t even want to think about it.

“Did you know it’s my birthday today?” Clarke asked, setting herself down on a barstool. Why did she tell Lexa? She had been trying to avoid thinking about this all day. And now she used one horrible thing about today to block another. She wished she was back in Arkadia, there she didn’t need to tell strangers horrible things to shut them up, she could just kiss them and it was just as effective. But Lexa had made it very clear that that was not happening here, at least not with Lexa.

“Congratulations?”

Clarke smiled at Lexa’s doubtful tone. “It’s true and thanks, you know you’re the second person to congratulate me, Indra was the first this morning.”

“That can’t be right,” Lexa frowned. “What about your family?”

Clarke shook her head, shrugging before resting her head in her hands. “They’re very busy people. Can I get a beer?”

“Uhm sure, and the burgers are 14 dollars. The beer is on the house, birthday girl.”

Clarke didn’t even lift her head, just nodding, all of a sudden she wasn’t hungry anymore, but she put some of the bills on the bar for the burger. Only looking up when a big glass of beer was put in front of her with three umbrellas in it. Clarke laughed, picking one up and tucking it behind her ear.

“I’m glad the umbrellas worked, I was a little worried you’d think it was lame.” Lexa admitted, “but you looked so sad, and my mom always used to put it in the little cups of cough syrup to get me and my siblings to drink it when we were sick. So I figured it was worth a try.”

“Thanks, Lexa,” Clarke smiled widely, and Lexa smiled back and all of a sudden Clarke didn’t think her birthday was the worst day anymore, actually maybe it could be kind of nice. She took a sip from her beer with a grin when her phone went. She was about to ignore the call when she saw Aden’s name and photo flashing. She almost choked on her beer and coughed. “I have to take this, bring the burgers to Indra, I’ll come pick up my beer later.” And with that and a quick “Aden,” to Indra Clarke rushed out.

“Aden,” Clarke breathed into her phone, a big smile on her face. Aden hadn’t contacted her since he had run out of her room, and he hadn’t answered any of her texts or calls. She knew he was angry, and she understood why, so she let it be, but it had made her sad.

“Hey, Clarke,” his voice was soft, and still a little bitter. “Happy belated birthday.”

“Belated?” Clarke frowned, “it’s still my birthday, you called right on time.”

“Oh shit, of course time difference.” Aden groaned, then he added a little grumpy, “my plan was to call you just after midnight, I stayed up all night just to make sure I’d call you a little too late. You know, as revenge.”

Clarke smiled, “sounds like a truly diabolical plan, I’m sorry the fact that the earth spins ruined it.”

“Yeah well,” Aden huffed, staying quiet for a second before adding, “how is it there?”

“It’s pretty nice, actually. It’s quiet, no one knows who I am, I’m just Clarke to them.”

“Isn’t that weird?”

“A little, but it’s nice. If I want to eat a burger I do and no one cares, and people actually talk to me. Just today this barkeeper saw I was sad and cheered me up, and told me her mom did the same for her.”

“Wow,” Aden’s voice was filled with awe, “they really talk to you like you’re a normal person?”

“I am a normal person here, Aden.” Clarke wondered if maybe they needed to do something like this for Aden as well when he’d go to secondary school, put him in a boarding school where he could just be a boy.

They were quiet again for a little while before Clarke started talking again, saying quietly, “Aden, I’m really sorry for just leaving like that.”

“I know,” the boy replied back quietly as well, “I got your ten thousand voice mails and text messages, and also the puppy with sorry on his bow.”

“Well you weren’t answering, how else was I going to make sure how horrible I felt?” Clarke defended herself.

“Mom was really angry about it too, but I did get to keep it, his name is fish.”

“Fish, Aden? Are you serious, I get you the cutest puppy in all the land and you name him Fish?”

“It’s a cool name, it’s irony, Clarke,” her little brother told her condescendingly. “And how do you know he is so cute? Have you seen him? Did he come from America?” Aden’s voice got louder and louder the more excited he got.

“No, I didn’t send a puppy from America, I just told the people who delivered him to you to make sure he was the cutest. But by the sound of your voice he really is cute.”

“He is; do you want to hear him? I can wake him up?”

“Mother lets you keep him in your room?” Clarke asked in disbelief.

“Well… not exactly,” Aden said as she heard him move.

“Aden,” she sighed.

“You never listen to them!” Aden accused, and there was nothing Clarke could say and when she heard soft yaps and grumbles her heart melted.

“He sounds really cute, Aden.” Clarke assured her little brother.

Before Aden could respond the siblings heard a voice that made them both freeze up. “Aden Jacob Griffin, why are you still awake? And I told you that dog couldn’t stay in your room!”

“I know, mother, I’m sorry.”

“Who are you talking with on the phone?”

“I… No one,”

“Don’t lie to me, bring me the phone.”

“Shit,” Clarke muttered to herself as she heard Aden slowly walk over to her mother, “shit, shit, shit.” She could hang up of course, but her mother would just check the call history. “Fuck,” she muttered one last time, trying to mentally prepare herself.

“How eloquently put, Clarecia,” her mother’s voice rushed over Clarke like a bucket of cold water, “is that what they teach you at that back alley university?”

“Mother, I… no, I mean good evening,” Clarke turned her head, pressing her forehead to the cold bricks, there was nothing like a conversation with her mother to make her feel stupid.

“I think you mean goodnight, it’s been after midnight here. Which brings me back to why are you calling Aden at this hour?”

“I didn’t, called me, he-“ but before Clarke could explain why Aden had called her mother interrupted again.

“Then you should have told him to hang up and go to bed, you’re the oldest you should be the more responsible one, though why would I expect any different. I mean a puppy, Clarke, what were you thinking?”

“I hadn’t spoken to Aden in weeks, but you’re right the puppy was not the best idea.”

“Not the best, it has been a disaster, and of course I have to be the bad guy and telling them no. Is that why you did this? To put me in a bad light, even more than I already was?”

“No!” Clarke exclaimed, she was doing her best to stay calm, to stay apologetic, she didn’t want to fight with her mother, not over the phone, not on her birthday. “I missed talking to Aden, that’s the only reason.”

“Well, it’s your own fault you haven’t been talking. You had to go to another continent to avoid your responsibilities.”

“Mother, please-“

“I don’t want to hear it, Clarecia, it’s time to forget this foolishness and come home.”

“Mother, please listen, I know you don’t believe me, but this isn’t me bailing and going somewhere partying. I’m attending classes, people treat me like a normal college student, I’m making friends and I don’t have to wonder if they just want to be near me because of my title or money. If someone shows an interest now it’s because of me.”

“Do you have any idea how foolish you sound? You will never be a normal girl, Clarke,” her mother sounded tired Clarke realised, like she was tired of fighting and that almost stung more than when her mother got angry. “I expect you on the first flight home, there will be two places on the next plane. Your accounts are frozen until you’re back in Arkadia, that includes the trust that will become available when you’ll turn 21.”

“That’s today,” Clarke whispered, trying to fight her tears.

“Is it? I hadn’t realised,” but she could tell her mother was lying, "happy birthay, Clarke.” And with that she hung up.

Clarke pulled the phone from her ear, seeing the visual confirmation that the call indeed had ended. She let out a quiet sob, putting her hand over her mouth to muffle the sound. She and her mother bumped heads and argued a lot, especially since Clarke had gotten to her teenage years. But she would have never have thought that her mother would be so cold. She didn’t seem to care at all, that hurt. But if her mother didn’t care, she didn’t either; she’d show the queen how little she cared, she’d have the best time, who needed parental approval anyway.

Clarke heard her phone ring and answered without paying attention to who it was, muttering a quiet “hello?” while she sniffled.

“Clarke?”

“Aden?” Clarke started wiping the tears from her eyes furiously, as if he could see them. “What are you doing calling, shouldn’t you be in bed, buddy?” Even Clarke had to cringe at her own fake cheeriness.

“What happened? I heard mother scream and she just tossed my phone to the ground before walking away.”

“We just had a disagreement, squirt, don’t worry about it. But you need to go to bed and sleep, it’s late.”

“Did I get you in trouble?” Clarke could hear the worry in his voice, and knew it was her job to take those worries away.

“No, silly, of course not. You know me, I always cause my own trouble.”

“If you say so,” he sounded very doubtful, but he gave her the benefit of the doubt it seemed, “I’d better get to bed.”

“Sure thing, squirt, next time we’ll talk about you and Jenny, okay?”

“Jenny is ancient history,” she could practically hear his eye roll, “girls are dumb anyway, I live for sports now. I’m going to be a football player when I grow up, like Ronaldo.”

“A royal football player? Sounds like a solid plan,” she smiled, an actual genuine smile as she imagined a small Aden running through the gardens with a football. “Sweet dreams, squirt. I love you.”

“Bye, Clarke, enjoy your birthday.”

“I will,” Clarke muttered to a dead line, and she would, she’d have the best damn time anyone had ever had on this continent, damn her mother.

Clarke headed back, rushing past Indra towards the bar, ordering a beer and two shots of tequila. She tossed one back and dropped the other one in her beer before draining that as well and ordering another.

“Hey, Clarke you’re forgetting your burger.” Lexa’s voice sounded careful, maybe even with a little concern. But truly, concern was the last thing Clarke needed right now, hurt was still brewing too close to the surface and the right prod would let that all burst free.

“Did you know that I can drink about ten servings of alcohol and have ingested the same number of calories, I think that’s a little more festive, wouldn’t you agree?” Clarke grinned, she could tell her grin was a little off, but she hardly cared.

“Clarke…” for a second Clarke worried that Lexa was going to actually try and talk to her, but it seemed that halfway through saying Clarke’s name Lexa gave up. “Whatever you say,” the brunette simply stated. “My shift is actually finished, so I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Sure sure,” Clarke waved her off, draining her next drink.

Right when Clarke thought she was going to be left to drink in peace Indra showed up at her side. “Clarke, I think we need to talk.”

Clarke however disagreed, offering Indra a shot of tequila, “hell no, Indra. I have a new motto, let thinking, more drinking, and that’s exactly what I am planning to do.”

* * *

 

Lexa was anxiously staring at the clock, Clarke had two more minutes or she wouldn’t be allowed in the class anymore and then Lexa would have to do this lab alone. She cursed herself for not having exchanged numbers with Clarke when she had the chance. Clarke had offered, but Lexa hadn’t seen the need, plus Lexa had wanted to keep as much distance to this possible distraction as possible.

“Miss Woods, you haven’t started yet? If you don’t start soon you won’t be able to finish, and that means I’ll have to give you and your partner an incomplete.”

Lexa startled slightly at the voice of her teacher, “right professor, I know, but you see Clarke isn’t here yet.”

“And…” the professor turned his eye to the clock, “she won’t be coming anymore either, you know the rules, more than five minutes late and you’re not allowed in this class anymore. You’ll have to do it by yourself, so I suggest you hurry up, because this really is supposed to be a two=man job.”

Lexa felt herself nodding, she could feel her annoyance grow, and disappointment; Clarke had just not showed up, she had never done that before. Part of her told her that she shouldn’t be surprised; Clarke had showed herself to be unreliable from the start. Another part was worried though, maybe something had happened, Clarke had been fairly reliable the past few weeks and Lexa had clearly noticed that something was off with Clarke. At the time she had tossed it on missing her family or friends from home, with whom Lexa had assumed Clarke had been talking to on the phone, but maybe it had been more? Or maybe she had just decided to celebrate her birthday getting drunk, that wouldn’t surprise Lexa either.

The whole situation was confusing and frustrated Lexa to no end, she didn’t like not knowing, especially if it made her feel guilty. And the fact that she felt guilty made her even more annoyed with Clarke, because here Lexa was feeling guilty, why she wasn’t the one who had done anything wrong. She was here, right where she was supposed to, Clarke was the one who wasn’t.

During the lab itself Lexa only got more and more frustrated and angry, because it was too much work to do on her own, and she could have really used Clarke’s eye for detail and excellent drawing skills. Identifying blood cells was fairly easy in the books, they all had their very distinctive markings, but while Lexa was peering at her own blood she wondered if maybe there was just something wrong with her; that her cells weren’t quite right.

By the time time was up, Lexa hadn’t even managed to get halfway through the assignment booklet and she was so wound up the smallest flame would have her combust. As soon as the class was over she flew out of her seat, tossing away the revered lab coat carelessly and leaving half her stuff in class.

Who did Clarke even think she was? Maybe she could just fail her classes or be average, but Lexa didn’t have that option, she needed perfect grades if she wanted her 5-year plan to succeed. And the fact that Clarke didn’t seem to care about that at all made her even angrier, even though she couldn’t explain why.

She stormed into Clarke’s dorm room without knocking, letting out a frustrated cry when she saw a foot sticking out from under the covers from the top bunk. The shapeless blob underneath the covers, shifted slightly, but otherwise gave no indication that she noticed, which only caused Lexa to feel more enraged. She grabbed a pillow from the bottom bed and started whacking the shapeless blob above.

She heard groans coming from the shape, but beside that and a muttered “go away Indra” there was no other activity which caused Lexa’s anger and frustration to boil over. How could this girl care so little? It felt like Clarke was laughing in her face, ridiculing what she worked so hard for and the fact that she worked so hard for it. She pulled off the blankets, tossed them to the floor, and whacked down the pillows one last time.

“Clarke, where were you?!?” As soon as she said Clarke’s name though the blonde shot upright, staring at Lexa with wide eyes before groaning and squinting.

“Lexa?” Clarke asked bewildered as she cleared her throat, “what are you doing here?”

“What am I doing here? _What am I doing here_?!?” Lexa ha thought she couldn’t get any angrier before, but she had been wrong because she definitely was angrier than she had ever been right now. “I am coming to see why the fuck you abandoned me in anatomy lab! I had to do an entire lab by myself and I didn’t finish.” Lexa started to pace back and forth. “And then part of me actually worried that something might be wrong, because you were so weird yesterday with the… you know and the phone call, but of course not.” Lexa let out a derisive laugh. “You have just been celebrating your birthday too much and you’re in bed with a fucking hangover.”

Clarke who had at first looked unsure of what was happening, glared at Lexa’s last words. “You don’t know a thing about me!” She growled.

She turned to Clarke again and glared, pointing an angry finger in her direction. “Save it, Clarke, I don’t care. You might not care about your education, but I do. I need to get good grades, I need this class. I need top grades to get into medical school and I am not letting you ruin that for me. So you better be there next class and every class after and be the perfect lab partner, or you will quit this class and leave me alone.”

Lexa turned around, still angry, but feeling she had spent more words than she cared to on Clarke, but then she saw Indra and all the frustrations that she had had seemed to just tumble out of her because of her anger. “And you,” she accused, “ _who_ are you, and what do you do all day? And” Lexa blinked as she saw what Indra was holding, “are you actually making homemade doughnuts, fucking sugared doughnuts, in a dorm room?”

Indra simply nodded, offering Lexa one in a fabric napkin, “yes, miss Woods, do you want one?”

Lexa was so stunned that she just accepted it, muttering a quick thanks and heading out. In the doorway she turned around to glare at Clarke again, whose slight smile immediately got wiped off her face. “If you’re not there five minutes before class next time, you’re quitting.” And with that and a loud slam of the door Lexa left the room.

* * *

 

Clarke winced as the door slammed and kept staring at it for a few moments after. She had an awful feeling in her stomach that had nothing to do with the drinks she had the night before, it was all guilt and shame that she had let Lexa down.

“Do you think she’s right?” She asked Indra, looking down and playing with hem of her shirt, hoping that Indra’s soothing lies would make her feel better.

But Indra seemed to have other plans. “Yes.”

“Yes?” Clarke looked up to Indra in disbelief.

Indra nodded, “yes,” she repeated as she handed Clarke a doughnut.

“You didn’t even ask me which part I meant,” Clarke sulked as she picked at the doughnut.

“I didn’t need to, she was right about all of it, and you know it too, which is why you want me to lie, but I won’t. She is right, Clarke, and it’s time you faced the consequences.”

Clarke glared, “what do you think I have been doing all my life?”

“Doing reckless things and shrugging them off like you don’t care about the outcome is not facing the consequences, it’s the exact opposite. I know the things the press says hurt you,” Indra’s voice softened slightly, “I know the things the queen says hurt you.”

Clarke looked away, unable to bear the care that exuded from Indra, “but lashing out only hurts you and the people you care about even more.”

Clarke shook her head, swallowing thickly, “Indra, stop, that’s enough. I’m going to take a shower.” She climbed out of bed, but Indra barred the way.

“You wanted to be treated like a real person, Clarke. That’s what Lexa’s doing. Can’t you see that the fact she is so hurt and disappointed means she actually expected you to be there for her, that she relied on you and thought you could do this?”

Indra, I said stop!” Clarke yelled, tears threatening to spill. “I don’t want to hear it!”

Indra stepped out of the way and Clarke rushed to the bathroom, jumping under the shower, raising the water temperature to calm her down. She didn’t want to hear or think about what Indra had to say, and yet she did. She didn’t want to hear it, because it hurt, but it was exactly what she needed to hear.

She was finally starting to realise all the time she spent lashing out had only hurt her and the people close to her, instead of the people she was angry at. How had she let everything get so out of hand? She really had no idea, when she looked back at it, it was all just one big mess. She couldn’t really see any correlation except for what the beginning had been and the end, which was right now. Because that much was clear to her, she had to change. It had been why she had come here after all. Clarke just hadn’t realised that it was her that had to see things different, even more so than her surroundings had to change.

She felt a little better after her long shower, she wanted to call Octavia, but she knew that it was much too early. She stepped back in her dorm room and saw Indra patiently reading one of her study books, not even acknowledging her entrance.

“Indra?” She said hesitantly, waiting until Indra looked at her. Clarke swallowed thickly, this whole taking responsibility for your actions was a lot harder in action than in theory. “I’m sorry I yelled at you just now. You were right, I made a mess of things, and I want to fix them.” Indra just gave a nod.

“Alright,” Clarke settled herself down across from Indra. “Okay, I need to fix this with Lexa. Maybe I could go talk to the professor?” Clarke glanced at Indra, unsure of her idea and looking for confirmation, which she got in the shape of another small nod.

Clarke smiled slightly, a little more confident, “all right, so get to the professor, apologise to Lexa, I need to call O, talk about everything, oh” she looked up at Indra, “and we have a slight problem. My accounts are frozen and I think I drank most of the cash we still had, so I assume you don’t want to offer up your wages?” She grinned at Indra to show she was kidding, and Indra shook her head with a roll of her eyes.

“That’s what I thought. Then I will also need to get a job.” Clarke laughed to herself, “who would have thought that I would be broke at some point.”

“I sure did,” Indra mumbled under her breath, but it was so quiet that Clarke wasn’t even sure she actually heard it.

* * *

 

“Why didn’t I just tell her to quit the class? Why did I give her another chance?” Lexa was lying on the couch, her face hidden underneath a pillow.

“Maybe you got one of those zombie moulds, you know that ants get too, the mould takes over their brain and makes them walk around and do stuff, but they’re not actually themselves anymore.”

“What the fuck?” Lexa raised her pillow to look at Raven who was on the floor, tinkering with something again, not even looking at her as she prattled on about zombie ants. “Raven!” Lexa exclaimed, which caused Raven to look up at her innocently.

“Yes?”

“You do know you were suggesting I had become a zombie.”

“Lexa, we have been over this subject about twice a day since you went over there three days ago, that’s about five times more than I wanted to have this conversation. I need to keep it interesting for myself somehow, right?”

“You could have just said so,” Lexa huffed slightly.

“And then you would have stopped?” Raven laughed, “you forget I know you, Lex.” Raven got up, climbing on the couch as well, nestling herself against Lexa so they were huddled together. “I know how you fret and obsess, you need to vent these things, or else you’ll bottle them up, and then what happens?” Raven looked at Lexa expectantly, but Lexa didn’t say anything.

“You yell at people because they are baking delicious treats in the comfort of their own room.” Raven offered helpfully.

“Right,” Lexa muttered, cringing slightly at the memory. “That was a bit embarrassing, I should probably go apologise to Indra at some point.”

“And ask her if she can make any more of these doughnuts, because that was delicious.”

“I’m not doing that, Raven. Go tell her yourself when you see her.”

“When? Don’t you mean if? Or do you forget that I still haven’t seen them. If I didn’t know for sure that you would never pretend to fail an assignment I might have believed you were making the whole thing up.”

“But what do I do about my class? It starts in…” Lexa looked at her watch, “in three hours and I still don’t have a way to handle it if she is actually there. I can’t work with her anymore.”

“Then tell her that.”

“Tell her, right…” Lexa tried to imagine telling Clarke that she had to go, but honestly she couldn’t, or she could imagine herself saying it, but she couldn’t imagine it working, because other than when she got angry nothing she said to Clarke ever seemed to affect the other girl much.

***

It was fifteen minutes till the class started and Lexa knew she was ridiculously early, she hadn’t been this early since her first year, but she just couldn’t stay in her room anymore, or more accurately Raven had kicked her out. She was almost at the door, expecting to find the bench beside it empty, but to her surprise Clarke was actually sitting there, looking at her.

Lexa swallowed and taking a deep breath she went to sit beside the blonde, who offered her a soft, but uncertain ‘hi’. Lexa couldn’t bring herself to answer so she simply nodded to indicate she had heard. Her thoughts were racing, wondering what Clarke was doing here this early, why she had even come, and couldn’t she just have not come that would have made everything so much easier.

Lexa sat there beside Clarke, gathering her courage to tell the girl that this wasn’t going to work, but as she sat there she could feel that the words that she had been practising were even harder to get out than she had expected it to. And when the moment finally came that she did manage to at least start and say Clarke’s name, Clarke did the same with hers.

Clarke blushed and quickly said, “you go first.”

But by this time Lexa had chickened out again and shook her head again. “No you go first.” She insisted.

“Uhm alright,” Clarke kept glancing at Lexa without really looking her in the eye properly. “I just, I wanted to apologise to you about what happened a few days ago. You were completely right to be angry with me, it was irresponsible and awful and there is no excuse. All I can say is that it won’t happen again.”

Lexa raised a brow, unwilling to voice her incredulity because it would seem petty. “I know you don’t have any reason to believe me and I don’t blame you. I guess I’ll just have to show you.” Then Clarke got up, and Lexa looked up at her in confusion, until she added, “shall we go in?”

Lexa managed a faint nod as she followed Clarke into the classroom. She had been dreading this class because of the possibility of seeing Clarke, but also and maybe even more so having to face her incomplete graded assignment. She knew that objectively it wasn’t the end of the world, but it felt like it. Lexa could hardly remember the last time she failed anything, and she dreaded the feeling.

However, when she finally arrived at her table, where Clarke was already taking out her books, she saw that there was no incomplete at all. The assignment was completely finished and had been marked as a P for passed, which though it wasn’t up to Lexa’s usual standard was so much better than a fail. She just kept staring at the booklet, eventually flicking through it, seeing that every single question was answered and everything jotted down and drawn with precision.

She turned to look at Clarke in confusion, who was giving her a shy smile, one of the smiles Lexa actually liked she realised, because she felt like these were moments where the real Clarke shone through. “I visited the professor after you came to see me and kind of explained what happened and he agreed to allow me to finish the assignment after hours for reduced marks.”

“I… thanks, Clarke,” she looked back up and smiled tentatively at the blonde, as she set her book bag down. “Let’s get started on the next one, alright?”


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke is looking for a job.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey lovelies,  
> I know a day late, shame on me :/  
> But it's here. I hope you guys like it.  
> I want you all to know that I read and love your comments and feedback and I do try and use the feedback to improve.  
> That being said I know this story is moving relatively slowly, a lot of words about only a few weeks. I promise I'm going to try and speed it up some from next chapter on.  
> As always let me know what you think, and enjoy!

“Hey, Kane.” Clarke slid on a barstool, smiling at the man behind the bar; she had decided that working at Grounders would be the best move. It was close by, she liked Kane, she liked bars and burgers; it was perfect. And Lexa worked here, and though Clarke was unsure how big of a part it was of why she wanted to work here, she definitely knew it was a part.

“Hey, Clarke,” Kane smiled at her, “ready to boost my sales again?” He was already lifting a glass, but Clarke quickly shook her head.

“Actually no,” she grinned, “but I have an interesting proposition for you.”

“Oh?” Kane leaned on the tap, a brow raised. “Alright, I’m listening.”

“I have noticed that you need an extra hand and I’m offering my services.”

Kane laughed, looking around at the three or four other people in the bar right now. “You’re right, Clarke, it’s so _busy_ right now, I definitely need another person behind the bar.”

“Not right now maybe,” Clarke conceded, “but you could use an extra employee during the busy moments.”

“Maybe I do, but this is a very popular work spot for all the students, why should I hire you?”

“Why wouldn’t you hire me?” Clarke sent Kane her most winning smile.

“Have you ever worked in a bar or restaurant before?” Kane inquired.

“Uhm...” Clarke shook her head, cursing herself, she hadn’t even considered that she might not get the job, but of course Kane would want the best person for the job. She was just going to have to show Kane that that was her. She’d tell him her strong points?”

“Have you ever had any paying job before?” Kane questioned with amusement.

To Clarke’s frustration she had to shake her head again, knowing that this was not making a good impression. “No, but I do speak five languages; English, Dutch, French, German and Spanish.” She told him proudly.

“Well good for you,” Kane laughed, “but how is that going to help me? And before you say exchange students, they all know basic English as well.”

Clarke huffed, thinking deeply, “I really want the job, I _need_ the job.”

“I sympathise, kid,” Kane told her, “but I have a business to run, and there are more that want or need to work here, and I need to think about my business.”

“But no one has a recommendation like me,” Clarke burst out, unsure where she was going with this until the words spilled out of her mouth.

“And who might that be?”

“Lexa, Lexa Woods,” Clarke nodded furiously, “go call her if you want,” Clarke held up her phone in a bluff, which was fairly daring considering she didn’t even have Lexa’s number.

“Lexa told you to ask me?” Kane asked, and Clarke could tell he was considering it so she nodded quickly again, realising all of a sudden that if she would get the job it would mean she could get to work with Lexa.

Her smile widened at the thought. At least there would be someone she knew, of course there were other people, Clarke had spent enough nights in here to get to know a few people, but none of them had really asked about her, wanted to talk to her really, all they’d wanted to do was party. Besides Indra Lexa might be her only friend at this school, and even that was stretching the definition of friendship to and maybe over its limits; that realisation saddened Clarke. Before coming here, she had always wished for the anonymity, for people to want to be her friend for who she was and to just be by herself sometimes, but now she realised that she was kind of lonely here too. She missed her friends, both Octavia and Bellamy, she’d see if they were up for a skype session sometime this week, that would make her feel better.

“If Lexa recommended you, let’s give it a chance,” Kane said, pulling Clarke back to the present.

Clarke grinned widely, leaning over the bar and hugging Kane, “Yay!” She exclaimed, “I won’t disappoint, Kane.”

Kane chuckled, “you better not, kid. How about you start right now, I’ll explain some things before the dinner rush.”

“Yes, of course,” Clarke let go and rushed to get to the other side of the bar, hopping up and swinging her legs over, before jumping down to the ground.

“Okay first lesson,” Kane shook his head in amusement when Clarke nodded eagerly, “we don’t hop over the bar, there is an opening to the side.” He pointed and chuckled when he saw Clarke blushing slightly. “Go get dressed in our company shirt and I’ll see you back here after.”

“You got it!” And Clarke rushed off to the bathrooms to put on the shirts, excitedly texting Bellamy, Octavia and Indra that she had a job.

* * *

 

Lexa was rushing from the library towards Grounders, she had lost track of time. She had been struggling with that stupid art appreciation assignment for too long. She was stuck and she had no idea how to move on. She knew she still had a few weeks before she would have to hand it in, but it frustrated her.

Usually when she really wanted something and worked hard for it she could manage to understand it. Sure it would take a lot of research or a lot of practice, but she’d manage. But this time it seemed impossible, even harder than when Anya had been trying to teach her how to cartwheels when they were little. Sure it had taken her almost a year and she had broken her arm, but she still managed. This subject however seemed to be a lost cause, that frustrated her most because this was supposed to be her easy course, the one that would help give her a break in her stressful schedule and difficult classes.

She rushed into Grounders, waving her arm in the vague direction of the bar before rushing into the dressing room to drop her stuff in her locker and get her shirt on. She quickly splashed some water in her face and practised her smile in the mirror before letting out a sigh and heading in, friendly customer-smile still firmly in place. That is until she saw Clarke standing behind the grill, grin firmly in place waving at her enthusiastically with a spatula.

Lexa rushed to Kane, “You hired, Clarke?” She hissed, she wasn’t even sure why this bothered her. Probably because she was still resentful of Clarke’s behaviour, one class with proper attendance and work ethic did not mean it would stick. Lexa had seen it often enough in Raven and other students. They said they’d really do everything different this semester, they’d start sooner on their essays, be on time etc. but it only took a few weeks tops for those promises to fade. And if Lexa was honest she was no stranger to the same phenomenon, only with her it was usually about seeing her friends, taking a break, talking to her family, having a bit of fun.

Kane nodded with a smile, “she came with the highest recommendation after all.”

“She did? Whose?” Lexa asked, confused, trying to think of whose recommendation Kane would value so much, and wondering how Clarke had managed to get them to recommend them. Then again Clarke could probably get almost anyone to do anything Lexa decided grudgingly as she saw Clarke again give her a little wave and a big smile.

Kane, in the meantime, was staring at her with some concern, “yours, Lexa, you recommended her, remember?”

“Me?!?” Lexa blurted out, before quickly adding, “right, right of course.” She looked back at Clarke whose smile seemed to have faltered a little bit. “I’d better get started.”

“Sure, if you wouldn’t mind showing Clarke how it works behind the grill and everything.”

“But I’m behind the bar tonight,” Lexa demanded indignantly.

“Not tonight, you’re the best at showing the newbies the ropes, you know that.” Kane informed her. And Lexa hung her head a little, she knew there was no point in arguing.

She almost stomped towards Clarke, grabbing her by the arm, “you used me as a recommendation?” She hissed at Clarke.

Clarke who had still been smiling faintly, paled a little. “You were the only one I knew that would impress him, and I really needed this job.” The blonde confessed, she looked like she felt guilty though. “I’ll tell him it’s not true though,” she offered.

“No never mind,” Lexa shrugged, she couldn’t really ask Clarke to do that, she did sound like she really needed that job. “How come you need that job anyway? Just a few days ago you were spending money like water, and you had Indra baking doughnuts for you.”

“I, well me and my family aren’t seeing eye to eye on the moment, so they froze my account.” Clarke admitted, shifting slightly, indicating she didn’t feel comfortable talking about it.

“Oh, that sucks,” Lexa offered, kicking herself that she didn’t have something more helpful to offer, “uhm… so do you know how the grill works?”

“No,” Clarke shook her head, seemingly grateful to have the chance to change the subject.”

***

 “Clarke, what are you doing?” Lexa hoped she managed to keep most of the exasperation out of her voice, but she was certain some leaked through because Clarke turned around looking uncertain.

“I’m getting the meat for the pork burger that that guy just ordered?”

“That’s great, but how do you want to make a pork burger with chicken?” Lexa deadpanned.

“Chicken?” Clarke looked at the meat in her hand, “this is pork.”

“No, it’s not,” Lexa rolled her eyes, she really wasn’t the most patient teacher, and Clarke definitely wasn’t the easiest student. Watching Clarke move behind the counter Lexa wondered how this girl had managed to survive so far. She seemed confused as to how to chop the lettuce, she apparently had never seen a mince maker in her life, and had almost lost her finger at the first attempt at making mince.

“Yes, it is, look,” Clarke held the diagram in front of Lexa’s face, pointing to the spot where she had grabbed the meat, it did say pork there.

“So fine, it says pork there.” Lexa acknowledged, “someone must have put it back on the wrong place, but it’s still chicken.”

“How am I supposed to know?” Clarke protested indignantly.

“You don’t know the difference between pork and chicken mince?” Lexa asked incredulously.

Clarke flushed red, before squaring her shoulders, “so what if I don’t? You can tell me. And people should put things back where they got them too.” She added the last for good measure. In which Lexa had to agree with her, she hated it when stuff wasn’t put back right.

“I agree with you on that last part. And the difference between chicken and pork is amongst others the colour, look” Lexa put on a disposable glove, digging her hand in the pork meat and holding it beside Clarke’s hand. “This is pork, and that’s chicken, you see?”

“Why do we even have to make burgers? Don’t they have readymade burgers?”

“Because those are gross and we are known for our excellent burgers,” Lexa told her. “Now put the chicken back, grab a new glove, some pork meat and make a burger to put on the grill,” Lexa put the pork back and tossed her disposable glove in the trash. “And call me if the grill is on fire, otherwise I’m sure you can manage to assemble by yourself by now.”

“Alright,” Clarke turned around, tossing her glove and taking a new one. Lexa had already been walking towards the bar when she heard Clarke say her name, “Lexa! Thanks for showing me. I know I’m not the fastest student. But I promise before the week is over my burger will be as good as yours.” She offered a grin that made Lexa grin as well, and Lexa had no way to stop it.

“We’ll see about that.”

***

“And we clean this every day?” Clarke asked incredulously as she leaned against her mop, suppressing a yawn.

“Yes,” Lexa laughed and shook her head, “of course we clean this every day, do you see how gross the water for your mop is now? Imagine how it would be if we hadn’t cleaned yesterday.”

She saw Clarke shudder, which made her laugh again. “I know something to soften the burden of all this cleaning,” she handed Clarke a small coin and pointed to the jukebox. “You can pick a song for us to work to.”

Clarke grinned, grabbing the coin and skipping towards the jukebox. She picked a song that caused Lexa’s eyebrow to raise, and caused something that felt close to a thrill of excitement to rush through her, which she definitely didn’t want to acknowledge.

“I kissed a girl and I liked it, seriously?” She turned head looking at Clarke as she came walking back with a grin.

“What? It’s a great song, it’s up beat, dance worthy and so true.”

Lexa shrugged, while she could feel her heart starting to beat a little faster and she was cursing herself. Why was she reacting to this so strongly? First of all, she had already known that Clarke probably liked girls since she asked to see her boobs that first night. And second and most importantly she didn’t care about that.

She tried to ignore her body, its confusing reactions and Clarke, but felt herself drawn back to the girl within seconds because Clarke had started to sing and dance, using the mop as a microphone. Clarke was an okay dancer, but the fact that she was doing so without a care in the world was the thing that made her a thousand times better.

Clarke gestured for Lexa to join her, but Lexa quickly shook her head, pointing to the uncleaned tables, indicating that she had to clean them. Clarke however, simply rolled her eyes and walked towards Lexa, gripping her hand and pulling her along, dancing weird and out of sync with the music, letting Lexa make pirouettes by spinning her arm. In the end Lexa couldn’t help but laugh and join in, trying to keep up. There was no one there anyway, Kane was in his office and the other employees had already gone home.

When the song ended Lexa let out a laugh and stepped back. When she looked at Clarke, Clarke had a shit-eating grin on her face. “I knew you could do it.”

“Do what, dance terribly?” Lexa countered, heading back to the table she had been cleaning.

“No, miss sassy pants, let your hair down, have a little fun.” Clarke replied as she started to clean the floor again.

“I have plenty fun.”

“Oh really? When? All I ever see you do is working here and studying.”

“Well, you don’t see a lot of me, now do you? You don’t see me hanging out with my friends and roommates.” Lexa felt pleased, Clarke didn’t need to know that most of them would probably agree with Clarke.

“Alright, then tell me how do you have fun with them? What was your last time doing anything fun with them?”

“Me and my best friend hang out all the time, and I see my other friends plenty.” Lexa was starting to get a little defensive she realised. She wasn’t even sure why she felt the need to defend herself so much. What did she think what Clarke thought? In the end she decided she didn’t want anyone to think of her as boring, because she wasn’t.

“I take your subtle deflection of my question as a sign to drop it, because you clearly don’t want to talk about it, but at the same time encourage you to join me in yet another dance.” Clarke skipped back to the jukebox and played the same song again, before swaggering back to Lexa and extending her hand, leaving the choice of joining to Lexa.

Lexa rolled her eyes, but as if to prove to Clarke and herself that she could have fun accepted the hand. Lexa hated to admit it, but she did have fun, so much fun in fact that she didn’t even notice Raven and Kane leaning against the bar, watching the both of them acting silly. So when the song was over and they both started clapping Lexa turned to them in surprise, only to see Raven heading to them.

“Raven, what are you doing here?” She asked, silently begging her friend not mention what she had just seen.

“That was quite some dancing, Lex, I didn’t know you had it in you.”

“That makes two of us,” Clarke interrupted their conversation, “trust me, I thought this one,” she nudged a shocked looking Lexa with her shoulder, “didn’t know how to have fun if her life depended on it. But I guess she proved me wrong.”

“I guess she did,” Raven agreed, stretching out her hand, “Raven Rey-“

But before Raven could introduce herself properly and have Clarke introduce herself Lexa decided to take matters in her own hand.

“Raven why are you even here?” And luckily Raven was easily distracted.

“Well apparently someone,” Raven looked at Lexa pointedly, leaving no doubt that she was the someone, “missed their weekly phone call and her phone would go directly to voice mail and I was the last stop before calling the police.”

“Oh no,” Lexa groaned, “my mom?” she asked, quickly pulling her phone out of her pocket and seeing it was dead.

“The one and only Mrs. Woods,” Raven grinned, “now aren’t you glad I gave them my phone number. How embarrassing would it have been to explain to the police that you just had been negligent in charging the battery of your phone?”

“Very embarrassing,” Lexa muttered. “You could have waited for me to come home though.”

“Nah, I promised your mom I’d go see if you were here right away, I let her know that you were alright when I saw you through the window. I would have waited outside, but there was some creepy lady standing there already.” Raven shuddered, “and she looked like she could kick my ass, so I opted for the safer route, which was coming in, seeing you in a delightful dance.” Raven ended with a grin.

“Scary woman?” Lexa asked, frowning, but before she could say anything more Clarke had interrupted again.

“You must have seen Indra, she thought it would be awkward if she was inside while we cleaned up so she is waiting outside.”

“Indra!?!” Raven gaped, and Lexa was about to say something when what Clarke had been saying really sunk in.

“Wait what? Are you trying to tell me that Indra has been waiting outside on you ever since she left here two hours ago?”

“I told her she could stay!” Clarke said indignantly.

“Indra?!?” Raven interrupted again.

Lexa looked back at Raven, eyes begging her to let this go, but Raven seemed to be having an epiphany of the highest order that made her discard all outside stimuli, because her smile slowly changed into one that would have impressed even the cheshire cat. Oh no.

“Uhm, Lexa?” Lexa was pulled from her trying to send Raven psychic messages through staring hard enough by Clarke so she turned to face her. “Why is your friend staring like that? It’s kind of creepy.”

“I have no idea,” Lexa said weakly, though she had every idea, Raven was working out that Clarke was in fact Clarke, which would also mean that she would blow this dancing thing way out of proportion.

“If that was Indra, then you must be Clarke, annoying, assignment-ruining Clarke!” Raven all but squealed.

“Well first of all, I did not ruin that assignment because I made sure we passed,” Clarke huffed, “and second I prefer just Clarke, but I have to admit I can be a little annoying sometimes.” She smiled and stretched out her hand. “It’s a pleasure to meet you, Raven.”

“Oh, none of that,” Raven waved and wrapped her arms around Clarke, hugging her tight, mouthing over her shoulder to Lexa “She is hot!” To which Lexa rolled her eyes.

“I like your enthusiasm, Raven,” Clarke laughed as she hugged back. “I can honestly say no one has ever done that before.”

“No?” Raven pulled away from the hug, “I’m surprised, because you are an excellent hugger.” She also sent a wink Clarke’s way, which caused Clarke to laugh, but Lexa to bristle. She didn’t like Raven winking at Clarke, she had no business doing that. She may not want to think on the why, but the fact that she shouldn’t was clear in her mind.

“I’ll be waiting until you two are done, then we can walk home together, ‘kay Lex?” Raven’s grin as she said that told Lexa that she exactly knew what she had done. Lexa just muttered something and went back to cleaning the tables, a little more aggressive than she had done before.

“She seems nice,” Clarke said as she was cleaning. Lexa looked up at Clarke, wondering why she had was saying that, would Clarke be interested in Raven, was she trying to make friendly conversation?

“She always talks through movies,” Lexa clapped her hand over her mouth, her cheeks flushing a little and her eyes widening in shock at her own behaviour.

“Alright…” Clarke looked up at her in confusion, letting out a soft chuckle when she saw Lexa’s embarrassment, “so don’t go see a movie with her, good tip Lexa, thanks.” Clarke chuckled as she moved to the other side of the room to lean the last part that she hadn’t done yet.

In the meantime, Lexa was berating herself as she cleaned the final tables. Why would she say something like that? She didn’t care if Raven and Clarke would go on a date, right? No she definitely didn’t, Raven and Clarke could date whoever they wanted, Raven was her best friend and she wanted her to be happy, and Clarke was her… well not friend really, but lab partner at least and she could do what she wanted as long as it didn’t affect Lexa too much. It wasn’t like Lexa wanted to date anyway, like she had been telling everyone and herself over and over again, no distractions.

She was cleaning the tables so furiously she didn’t even notice Clarke heading her way until she was standing next to her.

“Lexa, I’m finished with the floors, is there anything else I can do?”

“No, it’s okay, I just need to finish this last table and then hose down the matts and we’ll be done. You go home, get Indra a cup of tea or something. And tell her she can sit inside next time, all right?” Lexa smiled up at Clarke, who grinned back.

“You got it, but I doubt she’ll listen,” Clarke laughed and turned around heading to the changing room to grab her stuff.

Lexa was just done with the last table when Clarke came out again, walking back to Lexa, leaning cockily against the table as she started speaking, “This bud of love, by summer's ripening breath, may prove a beauteous flower when next we meet.”

Lexa looked up at Clarke in confusion at her words, confused as to what she was trying to say and why she was trying to say it. “I’m sorry?”

“The bard said it so much better than I ever will,” Clarke offered, and at that Lexa let out a sigh.

“Love is a smoke, raised with the fumes of sighs,” Clarke offered with a grin.

Lexa rolled her eyes, “more Shakespeare?”

Clarke nodded, with a grin still.

“Why don’t you just say what you mean without trying to make a fool of yourself?” Lexa offered, trying to ignore the fact that the things so far had contained the word love. She could feel her stomach squirm uncomfortably if she thought about it. That plus the fact that she hated Shakespeare, made her feel kind of on edge.

“If thou remember'st not the slightest folly, that ever love did make thee run into, thou hast not loved.” Clarke said cheekily.

“Ugh, seriously? More Shakespeare still?” Lexa said with a shake of her head, “Can’t you just say what you mean? So much easier.”

“Well alright, I’m asking you out on a date.”

“I’m sorry?” Lexa laughed, she knew it was rude, but she couldn’t stop herself. She wasn’t sure how long she laughed, but it felt long. After a while she managed to gasp in between snorts. “You’re asking me on a date by quoting Shakespeare?”

“Yes?” Clarke said uncertainly, clearly regretting ever having started this conversation.

“I’m sorry,” Lexa wiped the tears from her eyes as she taught her breath, “but like I said I hate all that Shakespeare nonsense, so that would literally be the worst way to ask me out.”

“Alright, well what would a better way to ask you out?”

Lexa had to give it to Clarke, she didn’t seem deterred by the slightest, she admired her confidence, and part of her was thrilled that Clarke was asking her out, that anyone was asking her out, she corrected herself quickly. But she couldn’t go and date, she knew that. “I’m sorry Clarke, but I can’t afford any distractions, I need to focus on my studies.”

“So, you’re saying no?” Clarke seemed slightly confused, which confused Lexa.

“Yes, I’m saying no,” Lexa said, “I hope that won’t give problems with our labs,” Lexa said, suddenly worrying.

“No, of course not,” Clarke had the same look in her eyes she got when she tried to understand some kind of weird cell mechanism. “It’s fine, I’ll see you at anatomy lab,”

“Sure, I’ll see you then, and say hi to Indra for me.” And with those words Lexa headed outside to the matts. She leaned against the wall, taking a few deep breaths. She didn’t know what she felt exactly, confusing mostly, confusion at Clarke asking her out, the thrill she asked when Clarke asked her and her declining the offer. But in the end she came to the same conclusion, it had been a while since anyone had asked her out, and it certainly was flattering to be asked, anyone would think that, that was all it had been. Plus, she liked Clarke, Clarke was nice, well the Clarke she had seen the past few days, sans the Shakespeare quotes, that was too much Clarke like she had been in the beginning. That was all it was.

* * *

 

Clarke stepped out the door, seeing Indra out of the corner of her eye, but not really seeing her; she was too focussed on her thoughts. She walked on a bit and didn’t really notice Indra stepping up beside her.

“You’re unusually quiet tonight. Are you tired from work?”

“Yeah a little,” Clarke laughed as she stretched her arms, they were a little sore, “but I asked Lexa on a date, and she said no. I’m not quite sure what that means.”

“Oh boy,” Indra laughed, causing Clarke to look at her in confusion.

“What?”

“Well, Clarke, I believe you just got rejected.”

“Rejected? Huh,” Clarke thought about it, it did seem that that was the case. T was so weird though, it felt foreign to her, and entirely unsatisfying. “I don’t care for it. Can you believe that never happened to me before?”

“Well,” Indra said with a small smirk, “have you ever asked anyone out that didn’t know you were a princess before?”

“Uhm,” Clarke thought about it, and realised she hadn’t, this frustrated her to no end, reinforcing the idea that people only cared for what she was rather than who. And the only people who cared more about the who, had decided she wasn’t interested. “No,” she finished her sentence grumpily.

“I wouldn’t worry too much about it, Clarke, it happens to all of us sometimes. Plus, chances of you and Lexa in an actual relationship are very slim.”

“And why is that?” Clarke had turned around, facing Indra.

“A couple reasons, one being that you have never had a successful relationship before, but another more important one is that so far you to have proven to be of entirely different calibre.”

“Indra!” Clarke looked scandalised, “just because she isn’t royalty, or wealthy doesn’t mean she doesn’t matter.”

“You seem to be misunderstanding, Clarke. The higher calibre I was referring to was Lexa’s.”

“I…oh,” Clarke frowned, feeling offended, “why is that?” She asked indignantly.

“Well, why did you ask her out?”

Clarke shrugged, “why not? She is hot as hell, she was nice, and she seems fun sometimes, I mean I bet she gets really feisty in bed you know, like angry sex or something, I bet that’s good. Well, and she is basically the only one I really know here.”

“There you go,” Indra said, “most of those reasons have nothing to do with Lexa, Clarke. They’re all reasons for the Clarke from back home to go ‘date’ someone, and I use the term date loosely. You came here to get some freedom to find out who you are. Go be the Clarke we both know you can be; do your best in class not just because Lexa yelled at you, but to learn something. And hang out with people not because it might lead to sex, but because they’re fun to hang out with. Maybe then you’ll stand a chance, if you really want to.”

“Wow Indra, harsh,” Clarke muttered.

“I know,” Indra shrugged casually, “but true, and you needed to hear it. And I know you find it hard to believe this, but that’s all your parents want as well.”

Clarke scoffed, “Indra you had me right until that last part. They don’t give a damn about who I am, all they care about is that I’m the future queen.”

“Clarke,” Indra’s voice softened slightly. “You know that’s not true.”

“Yeah, well it feels like that.” Clarke replied mulishly. “Enough talk over my parents. I’ll try and give what you said a try though, because you’re right. I should go and be the real Clarke now that I have the chance. I just never thought it would be so hard to shed that skin.”

“There was a reason you adopted that skin in the first place.”

“Yeah, I guess that’s true.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh and may you feel the need or desire to hang with on tumblr you're very welcome to. My url is [booandleashylookru](booandleashylookru.tumblr.com)


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke expereinces a bit of normal life, which includes hanging out with and taking care of, your friends when tehy're sick. And Lexa isn't even sure what she is thinking and feeling anymore.

“Alright, Lex, I think it’s time you and me had a talk.” Raven had burst in and dropped herself on Lexa’s bed.

Lexa pinched the bridge of her nose, “Raven I’m studying, can’t it wait? I need to finish this essay.”

“No, it can’t wait. You always have another essay or assignment to finish. I’ve let you stomp around for two whole days, I think that shows tremendous patience on my account.” Raven was trying to keep her tone light and airy, but Lexa knew it must be bothering her more than she let on.

“Fine, Raven what’s up?” Lexa inquired with an eye roll.

“I don’t know, you tell me.”

“What is that supposed to mean?”

“Like I said I don’t know. All I know is that since I told you about your mom and I saw Indra and Clarke you have been in a foul mood, refusing to eat dinner with me and you have just been avoiding me in general. We haven’t even had breakfast together in two days; that’s our thing, Lex!”

Lexa looked down at the book in front of her, unwilling to look Raven in the eye. The truth was she had been avoiding Raven, mostly because she was trying to avoid her own feelings. Every time she saw Raven she was reminded about the fact that she had been jealous when Clarke and Raven were hugging; because to that conclusion she had managed to come, she might not want to admit it, but it was true, she had been jealous.

And that was the problem, because Lexa Woods didn’t get jealous, plus there was nothing to get jealous about. There was nothing between Raven and Clarke, or Lexa and Clarke for that matter. And she had shot down any possibility there was of something between her and Clarke. Rightfully so of course, because Clarke was confusing and distracting and Lexa had the distinct impression that if she had said yes Clarke might have changed her mind before she was out the door. She thought that Clarke liked the chase more than the actual catch, and the way she had used lame poetry to woo her only reinforced that opinion.

“Raven, I’m sorry you got the impression-“

“Whoops, nope start again please, there is no impression, it’s a fact.”

“Raven,” Lexa sighed.

“What? It’s true!” Raven demanded.

“Fine, so maybe I have been avoiding you. But it has nothing to do with you, I’ve been extremely busy.”

“Okay,” Raven nodded, “and?”

“And?”

“And what else is there.” Raven was currently giving her a look like she was questioning Lexa’s sanity.

“Nothing.” Lexa huffed.

“Ugh, Lexa seriously, we’re not going to do this. I know there is something else so I’ll keep insisting, and you’re going to keep claiming that there is nothing, and you’ll get angrier and angrier, until you explode and you’ll yell and run away and we’ll both end up right here in a few days, only we are both crying and angry and upset, and then you’ll tell me what’s going on.”

“That’s not-“

“The missing guacamole crisis 2013? Down comforter debacle 2014? The broken alarm clock war of 2014 also?”

“War…” Lexa scoffed, “you’re being dramatic.”

“Lex,” Raven deadpanned in turn, “you didn’t talk to me for three weeks, and only agreed to hang out with me again after I sent you a letter by registered post. I’d say war is almost too friendly a term.”

“You took my alarm clock apart making me miss my most important exam! I was lucky that I was allowed to do extra credit assignments over the summer to make up for it!” Lexa replied indignantly, feeling her anger rise again.

“I apologised, didn’t I? Now tell me what’s up, so I can either yell at you or apologise.”

“Fine,” Lexa muttered mulishly, crossing her arms and ducking her head as if she was trying to disappear. Taking a deep breath, she rushed the next sentence, as if she was hoping that if she said it fast enough Raven might not hear it. “I-told-Clarke-you-talk-during-movies-after-you-two-hugged-and-I-don’t-know-why-and-then-she-asked-me-out-and-I-said-no-and-now-I’m-mad-at-you-for-no-good-reason.”

Raven blinked in surprise a few times, trying to completely follow, before smiling smugly. “I knew you liked her.”

“Raven, haven’t you been listening? She asked me out and I said no.” Lexa bit back. “Plus she asked me out with cheesy Shakespeare quotes she had clearly used a thousand times before, successfully too probably. It was about the chase; she doesn’t care about me.

“So? Just because she is slick as fuck, doesn’t mean she doesn't like you. And the fact that you have weird logic, doesn’t mean you don’t like her.” Raven countered easily, “why else would you be trying to ruin my dating chances?” Raven smirked, clearly very satisfied with her own reasoning, and Lexa didn’t know what to say about it.

“I don’t want to date anyone, no distractions.” Raven said the last part with her.

“Calm down, Lex. I know, I’m not saying you should date her, or anyone for that matter, I’m just saying you like her. That’s fine, it’s great even. I’ll stop bugging you about it, but just try and hang out with her a bit.”

“Raven…” Lexa warned.

“Not as potential date material, just talk to her a bit more at class, at Grounders, I don’t know. She seems fun and easy going, she could be good for you, Lex.”

“Hmpf,” Lexa scoffed, but she couldn’t really go against it, she’d see how the next few weeks went and then if Clarke kept coming to class and doing her job then maybe, _maybe_ they could hang out a little more.

***

Lexa felt anxious glancing at the clock, the class was supposed to start in a few minutes and Clarke wasn’t here yet. It was their first class since Clarke had asked her out, and Lexa was scared Clarke would just bail on her again.

They had worked together again yesterday at Grounders, and it had been okay, but really it had been far too busy for them to really interact in anyway, and since their shifts overlapped rather than start at the same time, Clarke had been long gone by the time Lexa was done.

But before Lexa could feel any disappointment Clarke came rushing through the door, glancing at the clock as well before dumping her back on the table and settling herself in her chair. She turned toward Lexa, cheeks red and her breathing a little fast. “I was almost here when I realised I had left my part of the assignment on my desk. So I ran back to our dorm and then back here. Thank god I made it.”

Lexa watched Clarke rip open her bag, and blinked in surprise as Clarke kept pulling out more books and notebooks and pencils. How did all of this even fit in her bag? But before she could ask Clarke held up a folder victoriously. “Here!”

“Uhm, thanks,” Lexa took the folder. “Honestly, I thought you might not come to class anymore.”

“Why is that?” Clarke looked genuinely confused, as if she couldn’t think of a single reason that Lexa would even make that assumption.

“Well,” Lexa wallowed, she felt awkward, she wasn’t good at these kind of things, “you know, with me turning you down. I thought you might bail.” She shrugged.

“Lexa,” Clarke chided her gently, “you thought I only came to class because I want to get in your pants?”

Lexa looked back up at Clarke, unsure what to do or say, she didn’t know how to answer that question.

“Well, I suppose it’s not a far out assumption,” Clarke amended, “but it’s not the case. I promised you I’d come and work hard and I will.”

“why?”

“Why not? You said no to me, doesn’t mean we’re still not friends, right?”

“Right,” Lexa nodded, still feeling a little confused by the fact that Clarke was actually here, well maybe not exactly confused, more surprised really. She was happy that Clarke was actually here, and not just because of her grades she realised.

“And I have a bet going with my friends back home, who seem to think I am lying when I say I’ve been going to class. So I need to pass all my classes.” Clarke whispered conspiratorially.

Lexa let out a soft laugh, “I can’t imagine why your friends would find that hard to believe,” Lexa said with a little bit of teasing sarcasm.

Clarke joined Lexa’s laughter at that, “I haven’t done much to make them believe I could ever be more than just a party girl, it’s true,” she agreed.

Lexa frowned slightly, the way Clarke had said it was kind of self-deprecating. “Clarke,” she said softly, “you’re more than just a party girl, I know that, and if I know, I’m sure your friends do too.”

Clarke shook her head easily, “don’t worry about it, Lexa, until a few weeks ago I was sure I could never be more than a party girl either, and now I’m still not sure.”

Lexa was about to open her mouth to say something again, but Clarke interrupted, pointing to the chalkboard. “We’re missing the lecture.”

“Right,” Lexa turned around, facing the board. Clarke clearly didn’t want to talk about it, Lexa could respect that, she herself hated it when people (Raven) made her talk about things she didn’t want to talk about. She just hadn’t realised it was really difficult to not talk about it, maybe she owed Raven an apology.

* * *

 

“Hey, O, just a quick call before I head into class. Stop laughing!” Clarke rolled her eyes as she heard her best friend laughing.

“I’m sorry,” Octavia said between hiccups, but she didn’t sound sorry at all, “I’m still getting used to the idea of you saying you’re going to class and it not being a joke.”

“Well, it’s not.” Clarke huffed, “I’ll have you know that on my last assignment for poli-sci I got a G for good, so there.”

“Aw Clarkie, that’s great.” Octavia sounded so genuinely happy for her that Clarke easily forgot the exasperation she felt earlier.

“Yeah well, I didn’t call you just to brag about my grades,” Clarke laughed, remembering the reason she called. “I wanted to call you to say thanks for the care-package and birthday presents, it took a while to get through customs so I only got it yesterday.”

“You’re welcome…” Octavia paused for a second, “did you see-“

Clarke cut her off, “I saw,” she said sharply.

“Clarke,” Octavia said gently, “the whole thing was your mom’s idea. She asked me to assemble it and gave me the card to put in there.”

“I don’t care, O,” Clarke said, feeling annoyed, “why are you taking her side? You know what she said to me.” Clarke’s fists clenched at the thought.

“You know I’m always on your side,” Octavia rushed to reassure her. “What she said was awful, and there is no excuse, I told you that. I’m just saying that it was her idea. She cares.”

“Yeah well, she could have at least called me or told me.”

“She could, she probably should have,” Octavia agreed. “But you forget that you got your stubbornness from her.”

“Yeah, I guess,” Clarke felt a little deflated still, she didn’t want to think of her parents, of that part of her life, she wanted to be Clarke, not Clarecia. “I really ned to go, or I’ll be late.”

“Okay, call me later?” Octavia asked.

“Yeah sure, bye O, give Bell my love okay?” With those words Clarke hung up. She had thought that calling Octavia would make her day better, instead it made it worse. For a second she considered skipping class, but she was trying to be a better person, plus class would distract her from her thoughts.

***

“Hey, Lexa,” Clarke followed Lexa into the changing room at Grounders, “you heading in as well?”

“It would seem so,” Lexa replied with a smile.

“Cool, me too.” Clarke smiled, genuinely happy to be working with Lexa, the other colleagues were nice too, but she knew Lexa, and somehow she didn’t seem as dumb asking Lexa questions. She didn’t know why, Lexa looked at her like she was stupid a lot of the time, before rolling her eyes and explaining. But then it always made Clarke laugh a little and then Lexa would laugh too.

“I’m behind the bar today,” Lexa told her and Clarke frowned, so was she, in fact it would be her first evening shift behind the bar.

“So am I.”

“I know,” Lexa smiled.

“Why aren’t you surprised? It’s a weekday, there never are two people working at the bar then.”

“I know, I asked Kane to put me on as well. I saw you were on and I remembered my first evening behind the bar, I was so stressed and scared and nervous. And I would have loved nothing more for someone just low-key hang around to help out in case I needed it.”

Clarke blinked a few times in surprise. “So basically you’re going to work for free?” She asked, trying to make sure she understood this right.

“Uhm yeah, basically,” Lexa laughed, “I mean if you want to, I didn’t mean for you to think you couldn’t do it,” She rushed to reassure.

“It’s fine, don’t worry,” Clarke grinned as she pulled her shirt over her head and pulled down her work shirt. “If I do need your help you’ll be around to help and if not we get to hang out, win/win, right?” She smiled at Lexa, who was staring at her a little dazed. “Lexa?”

“Yeah?” Lexa shook her head as if to wake herself up. “Right, let’s go in there and see how you handle yourself, shall we?”

***

“Thank you so much for inviting us, Raven.” Clarke smiled at the girl from the couch, watching her and Indra standing in the kitchen as Lexa was next to her.

“You’re welcome though I didn’t technically invite you.” Raven told her, looking away from what Indra was doing for a second.

“Yes you did,” Clarke told her.

“No, I didn’t,” Raven countered, “Lexa said you had to study, so I said you could only come here if Indra taught me how to make those doughnuts.”

“Exactly,” Clarke said, “that’s what I said.”

“I don’t understand,” Raven frowned.

“Lexa and Clarke were going to study in the library, but you invited them here so you could learn how to make doughnuts. Though I am very doubtful you actually want to learn because you have been distracted every 2 minutes.” Indra deadpanned.

“Oh…” Raven looked surprised, “oh well, now you all are here and we get to have doughnuts later! Yay!” Raven wrapped her arms around Indra, hugging her tightly while jumping up and down, but released after a few seconds and a growl. “I know I know, no hugging,” she sighed regretfully. “But I don’t think you understand how good your doughnuts are.”

“Well, _if_ you pay attention they’ll be your doughnuts too soon.”

Clarke smiled as she watched the two women in the tiny sort of kitchen interact, before turning to Lexa. “I never saw Indra getting along with a stranger this well before.”

“This is her getting along?” Lexa asked surprised. “She seems annoyed and irritated.”

Clarke laughed, “trust me, she likes both of you.”

“Alright, well we should get back to our studying.”

“Right of course,” Clarke nodded, but she didn’t really get back to studying right away, instead she just sat looking around the room for a while. This was nice, having people around, not to party with, but just hanging out, studying. She should have done this sooner.

***

“Clarke, what are you doing here?” Clarke frowned slightly, Lexa sounded absolutely dreadful.

“What does it look like, genius?” Clarke rolled her eyes, holding up a bag. “I’m bringing you supplies.”

“Supplies, what for?” Lexa asked with a heavily stuffed nose.

“For you, of course,” Clarke said exasperated.

“Why?” Lexa crossed her arms, her slightly watering eyes looking determined to be fierce and haughty.

“Because you’re sick,” Clarke explained. “I knew we had a shared shift at Grounders, but you didn’t show so I asked Kane and he told me you were sick. And because I know you, I knew it had to be pretty bad, otherwise you would have come to work. So after work I got you ginger ale and crackers, because google said that helps when you’re sick.”

Clarke started putting everything on the coffee table, sitting down on the couch. The pile of blankets on the couch seemed to indicate that Lexa had nestled herself here. “I don’t need you to bring me stuff, I’m not even that sick,” Lexa muttered as she sat down back on the couch, her breathing a little laboured.

“Right, that’s why you’re exhausted from crossing the room.” Clarke had known Lexa would be a difficult patient. She was a hard worker, like her mother, who almost never got sick, but if she did she would be so difficult because she refused to acknowledge that she was sick and just tried to keep going.

“I’m fine, you sound like my mom,” Lexa huffed as she settled down. “Wait, how did you know you were working with me?”

“I always know when I’m working with you. It’s my favourite shift.” Clarke said casually as she was grabbing a glass from a cabinet to put the ginger ale in. “Here, drink this while it’s cold. It will soothe your stomach, and it’s cold so it will help with your sore throat as well.”

Lexa took the glass and gratefully took a sip. “Thanks, that feels nice,” she said with some satisfaction.

“No problem, so what do you need? You name it I can take care of it.”

“I’m fine, Clarke,” Lexa repeated with exasperation, and Clarke couldn’t believe that Lexa was the one exasperated right now. “I should probably take some cough medicine though.”

“Where is it, I’ll get it.”

“In the bathroom cabinet, and thanks.” Lexa rested back onto the couch, burrowing into the blanket pile.

“Got it,” Clarke held up the bottle proudly. “I suppose this will make you drowsy?”

“A little, yeah,” Lexa agreed, “but that’s probably not a bad thing, I haven’t been sleeping all too well thanks to my stuffy nose.”

Clarke nodded, handing Lexa the medicine, watching her eat a spoon full. “You want to watch something silly until you fall asleep. I’ll just be here until Raven gets back.”

“Right, about that,” Lexa swallowed nervously.

“Where is Raven?” Clarke looked around suspiciously.

“Oh she’s gone, staying with one of our friends, Harper.” Lexa didn’t meet Clarke’s eyes, looking down at the blankets on top of her.

“What?!?” Clarke stared at Lexa dumbfounded. Raven would just leave her friend like this? That was so wrong, she had already grabbed her phone, ready to yell at Raven when she realised she didn’t have her number. “Can you give me Raven’s number?” Clarke asked with clenched teeth.

“Why?” Lexa asked her anxiously.

“So I can yell at her,” Clarke confessed.

“No! Don’t yell at her, I kicked her out. No point in us both getting sick.” Lexa was already yawning slightly, it seemed that medicine worked quickly.

“Lex, you need someone to take care of you.”

“I’m fine,” Lexa shrugged. “Besides now I have you.” She smiled sheepishly as she cuddled down further, closing her eyes. Which left Clarke just standing there, staring. Lexa wanted her to help her when she was sick, the thought made Clarke smile widely.

***

Clarke was standing in the arts and crafts store, she had just gotten paid and figured she deserved a little something. She had been drawing a lot lately, doodling in the margins of her notebooks during class, and when she was studying, even when she was relaxing now.

She had never realised how much more time you have when you don’t go out and drink until late in the night and don’t need to sleep off hangovers. That realisation had hit her hard, and she kind of hated it.

Though sometimes now she felt a little too boring, the time she had extra she could use to draw and that made her happy. It had been a long time since she had this much inspiration and just wanted to draw and paint.

She didn’t have much, or really any of her paint supplies here though; they were all back home. And she didn’t have the money to buy everything she wanted. However, she could buy a few things; she decided that she would buy a notebook with some higher quality paper, maybe a few sketching pencils as well. And she’d go see if there was any possibility to do something artsy in any of the extra-curricular at university.

But why? If she had already decided she was only going to by a notebook and pencils was she still lingering with the paints. She kept grabbing different colours, lots of shades of green, yellow, blue and brown and she wondered why. She didn’t have something particular in mind that she wanted to paint, the colours just attracted her.

It wasn’t until she was home and unpacking her bag, when her eyes fell on her notebook and she saw Lexa’s eyes staring back at her from the margins where she had drawn them that she realised. Each and every colour could be used to make up the intricate colours of Lexa’s eyes.

She rolled her eyes at herself, because that was horribly cliché really. She couldn’t deny that she had drawn Lexa’s eyes and features a couple of times, but really if you were drawing a woman, why not draw a beautiful woman? And Lexa was the most beautiful woman she knew really.

She also knew that she couldn’t deny that it meant something, but Lexa had been very clear, they could be friends, but nothing more and Clarke could accept that. She had been on the other side, where she had told someone the same thing, and them being persistent in trying to woo her had been awful. If Lexa only wanted to give friendship, then Clarke would accept that gladly and be grateful.

***

“Guess who!” Clarke called as she knocked on the door.

“Do you have any idea what time it is, doctor gorgeous.” Raven yawned as she opened the door.

“Raven it’s like three in the afternoon.”

“Exactly, we were just doing our afternoon nap. Sick people need their rest.”

“I know, I just brought over some assignments from her classes, and I wanted to make her soup.”

“Well come on in. Don’t mind if I go back to sleep though, and little heda is in hr own room.”

“Little heda?” Clarke asked in confusion, which made Raven freeze in the middle of the room.

“Forget I ever said that!” She hissed before running into her room and slamming the door.

“Okay, that was weird.” Clarke muttered to herself as she moved around unpacking the ingredients she had brought. She was going to try and make chicken soup.

 

After about an hour of trying Clarke was starting to get a little frustrated. She just couldn’t get the taste right; she didn’t understand why though. She had done everything Indra told her, but still it tasted nothing like the one she got at home when she was sick.

She could call her mother to ask, but that would be an awfully big step. She could try Aden, but he would be at school right now, so she’d have to wait until he got home. Maybe she could just call the palace and get patched through to the kitchen, they would know what was missing too probably. After all what were the chances that her mother made that soup herself with all her activities and responsibilities outside the castle, right?

So Clarke pulled out her phone and dialled the number, absolutely shocked when her mother answered the phone. “Mother?”

“Clarke?” Her mother sounded as surprised if not more so to hear from her daughter.

“Why are you answering the phone?” Clarke realised she was being kind of rude, but she just was too surprised.

“I walked past and it rang, so I figured I’d answer,” her mom said, but Clarke realised she would of course have seen her name on the caller id.

“I had a question for you actually,” Clarke started, figuring that now that she had her mother on the phone she might as well get straight to business.

“Remember that chicken soup we always got when Aden and I were sick when we were little?”

“Grandma’s magic chicken noodle?” Her mother asked, voice a little distant and filled with fond memories.

“Yeah,” Clarke told her, “a friend of mine has a cold and I’m trying to make it for her, but it isn’t quite right. Can you help me?”

“You’re making soup?”

“Yes.”

“You’re making soup for a friend?”

“Yes.” Clarke rolled her eyes.

“You’re making soup for a sick friend?”

“Yes mother,” Clarke said exasperatedly. “I’m trying to make grandma’s magic chicken noodle soup for a friend who has a cold. So can you help me?”

“I… yes of course,” her mother rushed to say. “I was just surprised, you never, well you have never asked for my help, not even when you were little, you always wanted to do everything on your own.”

“Yeah, well I tried doing it on my own, and I can’t get it right.” Clarke confessed to her mother.

“Well, I’ll gladly help, tell me what you’ve done so far.”

So Clarke told her mother everything she had done step by step, and her mom gave her some suggestions for minor adjustments. But it still wasn’t right.

“It’s still missing something.” Clarke said annoyed. How complicated could this chicken soup be.

“Must be quite a special friend,” her mom commented carefully, “to make you go do all this.”

“Mother…” Clarke warned, last thing she wanted was to discuss her feelings for Lexa.

“Alright, I’m sorry,” her mother quickly backed down. “All you need now is to add some chopped up chilli pepper, and you’re done.”

“Of course!” Clarke smacked her forehead, “how could I forget the chilli, thanks.”

“You’re welcome,” her mother’s voice was quiet, and soon the silence stretched.

Clarke felt uncomfortable, now that the immediate issue of the soup was taken care of she wanted to hang up, but she didn’t want to seem rude. “Uhm, thanks for the card,” she said lamely in the end.

“You’re welcome, Clarke I…” Her mother was quiet for a bit and Clarke was wondering if she wanted to apologise, it sounded like that almost, but that couldn’t be, her mother never did that. And she was right, her mother didn’t because the next thing she said was: “Octavia told me you’ve been doing fairly well in your classes, I’m glad to hear it.”

“Yeah, okay, uhm I should go, bye.” Clarke replied a little flat and she hung up. She was pretty sure this was one of the friendliest conversations she had had with her mother in recent years, but the end still made her feel a little uncomfortable and sad.

“Hey,” Clarke startled from the soft voice that greeted her from a little bit away. She turned around to see Lexa standing there. “Are you okay? You sounded a little sad.”

“I’m fine, I made you my gran’s magic soup!” Clarke tried to give the brunette her biggest smile and sound as chipper as possible, but Lexa’s face told her she wasn’t fooled.

“You want to talk about it?” Lexa asked as she stepped a little closer, her blankets wrapped around herself like a burrito.

“I’m fine, taste this soup!”

“Alright,” Lexa smiled, leaning in a little to the spoon Clarke was holding up for her. “Hmmm, spicy, I like it.”

“Right?” Clarke grinned, “go sit on the couch, I’ll pour you some, and myself too because this is the best soup I have ever made.”

“Hmmm,” Lexa hummed in agreement, but also seemed to find something funny. “And do tell me, how often have you made soup?”

“Well,” Clarke confessed, “this is the first time… but that makes it all the more impressive, I think.”

At that both girls laughed as they settled themselves on the couch, side by side with a cup of soup, watching tv.

* * *

 

It had been a little over a week since Lexa had gotten sick and she was finally feeling a little better every day. Which she was relieved by, because catching up on a week of work was already more than she wanted to imagine. That was one reason to be happy, the other reason was that her mom would finally stop worrying.

Lexa rolled her eyes, remembering how she eventually in desperation had forced Harper to pretend to be a doctor so her mom wouldn’t worry as much. She had insisted Lexa would go to the hospital and would have been her the day her nose got a little stuffy, if her dad hadn’t stopped her. The calls were a different matter though; she knew there was nothing either her or her dad could do about that. Until she was completely better she would talk to her mother every day, multiple times a day.

There was one thing she would miss probably, and that was Clarke’s visits. The girl had made it a habit to stop by once a day, whether it was to make soup, watch a movie, or just drop off some medicine or something to eat.

At first Lexa had been worried that Clarke might be expecting something in return, but so far Clarke hadn’t hinted at that in any way. They had just been hanging out and Lexa had found, even before she had gotten sick, that she was enjoying the blonde’s company more and more. Clarke was easy-going, funny, and smart. She had known Clarke wasn’t stupid, obviously, otherwise she wouldn’t have come to university, but she had really been surprised when she and Clarke had gotten into a discussion about stem-cell treatment and Clarke had been able to keep up and bring up some valid points.

Lexa was pulled from her thoughts by a knock on her door, so she quickly got up and opened the door, grinning widely when Clarke stood there, holding up what seemed to be wrapped burgers from Grounders.

“Since you’re feeling a little better I figured you were probably sick of soup, crackers and toast, so I have something with a little more substance.” Clarke smiled as she sneaked past Lexa, immediately heading to the cupboards to get plates and everything.

“Clarke, you’re a lifesaver, really.” Lexa exclaimed as she headed back to the couch, because she had been craving something unhealthy like pizza or burgers for a few days now.

“Good to know that this is your reaction to being brought burgers,” Clarke laughed, “so if I ever mess up all I have to do is bring burgers and I’ll be in your good graces again?” Clarke wondered as she settled herself besides Lexa.

“Well, depends what you’ve done really.” Lexa took a big bite and moaned at the taste, “but right now I would pretty much forgive everything.”

“Noted,” Clarke smiled, before grabbing her bag and opening it, pulling out a bunch of papers and notebooks. “That reminds me, I got you some assignments and notes from anatomy lab, I figured once you feel a little better you might like catching up.”

“But you won’t have your notes then,” Lexa frowned, taking a notebook and skimming it. She soon realised it was the wrong notebook however because it was all talk of politics. She quickly grabbed another and opened it, only to let out a gasp; this notebook wasn’t one to write in, it was a sketchbook, and it was filled with beautiful images, forests, lakes, gardens, the night sky, but also Lexa saw herself, on her own, studying, laughing with Raven, just her face staring back at her from the page.

Lexa looked up in Clarke in shock, who hadn’t realised and was still going on about something, but Lexa had no idea what. At a certain moment Clarke looked up, probably wondering why Lexa hadn’t said anything. When she saw Lexa with the sketchbook she flushed slightly, stuttering out an apology. “I… I probably should have asked you if it was okay, but I was practicing my skills and I wanted to draw people and well you’re such beautiful people, I mean person, I mean you’re beautiful.”

Lexa just nodded, closing the sketchbook and handing it back to Clarke, she didn’t really how to respond to something like this. “I liked the drawing you made of the lake surrounded by those trees,” she offered in the end; because it was true and it helped smooth over the situation.

***

Lexa was grumpy, she was tired, it had been her first day back since she had been sick and it had been a sucky sucky day. She hadn’t been able to follow some things happening in her chemistry class, and she had gotten back her art appreciation assignment and it all she got was a pass, and the professor had even put a barely in front of it; she had _barely_ passed, she had never felt more humiliated in her life.

And on top of that, by the time she had started her shift at Grounders she felt exhausted. She would have preferred to go home, take a nap and study her butt off after. But she knew she had to do this, for one if her mom knew she still felt too sick/tired to go to work she’d probably come to campus and force Lexa to the hospital. And she needed the money, she refused to go to her parents for help, they were working hard to keep the farm afloat, Lexa refused to jeopardize that in any way.

She was cleaning some glasses at the bar when Clarke came walking in, and immediately Lexa forgot all about feeling tired or grumpy, because she was guffawing with laughter. Clarke’s white work shirt was covered in pink blotches. Clarke tried to pull off the look, looking all confident and sending Lexa a glare, but it made Lexa just laugh harder.

By the time Clarke had reached the bar, Lexa was trying to wipe the tears from her eyes. “God, thank you for that, Clarke. I really needed something like this today.”

“You’re welcome, I guess,” Clarke muttered as she sat down at the bar. “Can I have a coke? I have about ten minutes before my shift actually starts.”

“Sure,” Lexa moved around to get Clarke her drink. “So tell me what happened?” Lexa gestured towards Clarke’s shirt.

“Laundry,” said Clarke, with a slight frown on her face, “who knew those things they said about not mixing colours with whites is actually true?”

“Everyone does, Clarke,” Lexa deadpanned as she shook her head. Except you, apparently.”

“I just thought it was something they made up for tv purposes.” Clarke defended herself.

Lexa shook her head, laughing quietly to herself, “I can’t believe you actually believed that putting colours with whites in laundry was made up for entertainment, but girls showing their boobs when you say college girls gone wild was real life.”

Clarke let out an awkward laugh, “I can a be a bit of a tool sometimes.”

“Nah,” Lexa said, and when Clarke looked at her with a face that said, you’re lying, she explained, “oh you _act_ like a tool sometimes, but you that doesn’t mean you _are_ a tool, Clarke.”

Clarke smiled brightly. “Thanks, Lexa.” She then took a sip from the cold drink Lexa had put in front of her and hummed with enjoyment, causing Lexa’s mouth to grow a little dry. That noise sounded amazing, she really wanted to hear Clarke make it again, if she was honest. She wanted to be the cause that Clarke made that noise, and she could imagine a few ways to get her there.

“Hey, Lex,” Clarke thankfully pulled Lexa’s attention away from her own thoughts. “I was wondering if you could teach me how to do my laundry properly, so I won’t have another one of these embarrassing mishaps.”

“Me? Why?” Lexa blurted, the thought of spending time alone with Clarke made her feel a little nervous all of a sudden, probably because of her pondering just moments ago.

“You were so sweet and patient with the grill and the dishwasher. I already tried Indra, but she gets irritated with me when I don’t follow.” Clarke pouted and apparently that face was irresistible to Lexa, because she found herself agreeing before she even knew what she was doing.

“Can I do anything in return?” Clarke asked, and Lexa was about to say no, when she remembered her almost failing art appreciation.

‘Well, I have this class, art appreciation...” she couldn’t help but roll her eyes during the last two words.

“And you’re failing?” Clarke asked.

Lexa huffed, “I’m being graded unfairly!” She exclaimed.

“Right,” Clarke laughed a little at Lexa’s clear indignation at the thought of failing anything, even a subject she didn’t like or care about. “And you want me to help?”

“Well yes,” Lexa admitted, feeling almost a little shy all of a sudden, “you used all those dumb Shakespeare quotes on me, and you are amazing at art. I figured maybe you could help me say something smart about these doodles.”

Clarke laughed, “first tip, don’t call paintings, or any type of art doodles, because to most artists their art is their life.”

“Right, good tip.” Lexa laughed with Clarke.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys liked the chapter. We finally get to see a little more interaction and different situations. And Clarke acting like the sweet person we all know she really is.  
> As always let me know what you think, I love your feedback!


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Apparently they can both learn something from each other, and Raven tries to be a matchmaker in the most Raven way possible.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys,  
> First of all, I know, I know! I'm sorry I've been away for so long. Let me just say that it was with good reason. I didn't feel good at all for a few weeks, my head was in the opposite of the right space to write this story, and then after that I went on vacation (to New York OMG! it was amazing!)  
> But you guys don't care about that, you want the story, and here it is!  
> Please let me reassure any worries you might have, even when I was in a bad headspace I knew I was never going to abandon this story. This is going to get fnished, and hopefully the next updates will be closer to the original schedule, like once every 1-2 weeks.
> 
> As always, enjoy!

“Alright, so I made you a laundry cheat sheet. On the front it has all the different symbols you get on the wash labels, with an explanation. And then at the back there is an explanation about how to sort your washing, explaining about colours, temperatures and laundry detergent, see?” Lexa held out the paper towards Clarke, showing the blonde both sides.

Clarke grinned, taking the piece of paper and looking it over. “Did you laminate my laundry cheat sheet?” she teased.

“I, uh, well,” Lexa swallowed and flushed slightly, “I figured it might be good considering laundry might get wet, and I didn’t want the printing to start getting runny.”

Clarke laughed, getting up from her spot on top of the washing machines and wrapping her arms around Lexa. “It’s okay, Lexa, I was just teasing. I love that you laminated it.” It was true, she really did love it, mostly because it showed how seriously Lexa took this.

“You do? Because Raven mocked me for it too, you know.” Lexa mumbled, though she made no effort to get out of the hug, Clarke even got the impression she was leaning into it a little. But she quickly had to remind herself that friends hugged, and that was what they were, Lexa had made that very clear. It wasn’t Lexa’s fault that Clarke’s mind kept reading into things Lexa did.

“Of course I do!” Clarke reassured the brunette before pulling away. “Alright, let’s do this.” She rubbed her hands together. “I’ll go sort my laundry for the different machines and you’ll help me if I do something wrong, right?”

“Right,” Lexa nodded, grabbing her books and folder, filled with notes and spread them across the top of the washing machine next to her. “And when your stuff is in, you’ll help me with this dumb assignment?”

“Of course,” Clarke assured Lexa without actually looking at her, her eyes focussed on the different piles of laundry while she had a striped t-shirt in her hands. “Why is this assignment dumb in particular?”

“You’re supposed to choose a few paintings out of a list and explain how the artist showed that the painting is about love.” Lexa rolled her eyes. “That is so dumb. How can we even know what the artist meant when painting? I mean I thought they were going to make us recognise styles and, you know, stuff I can actually study for. I’m not a painter, how would I ever know these things.”

Clarke chuckled as she decided that the striped shirt would go on the white pile, because the white stripes were much broader than the blue ones. “First of all, the first rule is that there is no set of rules and laws about what artists meant with their paintings, it’s all just opinions that can be supported by arguments. And second you remind me of my dad. He would always quietly mock paintings with stuff like that. Like how impractical some of the poses must have been for the people who sat for the portraits, or how abstract paintings didn’t make sense. Me and my mom would always have to keep in our laughter.”

“Why would you have to keep your laughter quiet?” Lexa looked up from her notes, pushing the glasses back up her nose, in a manner that Clarke found adorable.

“Well, we didn’t want to be rude to the other guests at the museum.” Though that was actually true, Clarke chose not to mention the other guests, sometimes were the artists themselves and other times curators, who would definitely not appreciate the royal family laughing at their exhibitions. Lexa seemed to accept her explanation very easily though, because she just nodded and went back to her notes.

 

“I’m done!” Clarke exclaimed happily after another half hour of sorting. It had taken a lot longer than she thought it would, but that was mostly because she kept getting distracted while talking to Lexa.

“Okay, let’s see how you’ve done.” Lexa jumped off the washing machine and looked over the different piles. “You did pretty good, the striped shirt should go with colours though, because you will have the risk of the blue stripes leaking colour. And this,” she pointed toward a pair of lace underwear, mixed in with Clarke’s socks and boxers, “should really go on a separate pile together with your bra and other more delicate stuff so you can put them on a special program.”

“Okay, thanks.” Clarke made the adjustments and then put the different piles into different machines and tossed in some laundry detergent.

Lexa observed and laughed, “we’ll make the amount of laundry detergent part of next lesson.”

“What? Not enough?” Clarke turned her head to look at Lexa while she shook the box.

“Uhm a little too much actually,” Lexa laughed harder when Clarke turned around and realised she had almost emptied the entire carton in there.

“Oops,” Clarke muttered, but then shrugged, she figured it was better to have too much than too little, after all the idea was for the clothes to get clean and fresh again. She dropped the coins and let the machines run, heading to Lex and joining her on top of the washing machine beside her.

“Okay, now let’s get to work on your art assignment. What paintings have you chosen?”

“Uhm, right,” Lexa started rustling through all the papers desperately trying to find the pictures of the paintings she had chosen. “Ah here they are, I’ve chosen Siesta by Van Gogh, Dance in the country by Renoir, and The kiss by Gustav Klimt.”

Clarke took a look at the paintings, she was pretty sure she had seen the first two in a museum in Paris at one point, and she could already see some things that she and Lexa would get to talk about concerning the love part. But right now she was curious why Lexa chose these paintings. “So why did you choose these paintings?”

“Who cares why I chose them, tell me what I have to write.” Lexa huffed.

Clarke shook her head. “Raven said you might say something like that. Of course it matters why you chose the paintings. It’s a class in art appreciation. The way you see these paintings is what this class is about.”

“Fine,” Lexa rolled her eyes and crossed her arms defensively. “I chose these paintings because they were the first three on the list that actually had couples on them. I figured that would make things easier. And please don’t talk to Raven about me, she is full of lies, if you want to know something ask me.”

Clarke blinked for a second in surprise and then started laughing and shaking her head. “Always so goddamned practical. And I wasn’t talking to Raven specifically about you, missy,” she tapped Lexa’s nose. “We were having coffee and it just came up.”

Lexa’s scowl only deepened, “don’t have coffee with her either. Plus, how else was I supposed to choose those paintings?”

“You could have chosen the ones you liked best.” Clarke offered, choosing to ignore the grumpy statement about Raven.

“The ones I liked best?” Lexa scoffed, “Clarke this is about getting a good grade, not about liking art.”

“You do realise that your wording is incredibly ironic, since it’s about a class called art appreciation.” Clarke offered, but as soon as she saw Lexa getting ready to protest again she threw up her hands in defeat. “I take it back, how stupid of me, to even suggest you might consider whether you like a painting or not.” “

When Lexa nodded, she grabbed the picture of the Renoir painting. “So what do you have for this painting so far, as in reasons why you think this painting is about what love, or what parts show that?”

“Can’t we start with you giving me some examples so I know what to look for?”

“No, I want to know what you have so far. You have pages and pages of notes; it must have taken you a long time to gather them so I’m curious.”

“Fine, but if you dare to laugh…” Lexa threatened.

“I won’t,” Clarke promised, but she immediately realised that would be a hard promise to keep, because Lexa’s worried face already had her biting her lip to keep a chuckle at bay.

“Okay, so far I have this: they are dancing and the woman is smiling.”

Clarke nodded, smiling expectantly. “Come on, go on.” She encouraged.

“That’s it.”

“That’s it?”

“Well, yeah. I told you I am bad at this stuff.” Lexa said miserably, covering her face with her hands.

“Hey, it’s okay,” Clarke leaned over, taking Lexa’s hands in her own, and smiling gently. “It’s always hard in the beginning, I’ll tell you some of the things I think about it, and we can do the next painting together, okay?” At that Lexa nodded.

“Hmmm, let me see, there is the fact the guy has his lips very close to the girl’s ear, and the fact that he his gripping her quite tightly. Then the fact that his hat has fallen to the ground can be interpreted as a fact that they are dancing passionately, or so engrossed in each other that they don’t notice. Then there is the rumpled table cloth behind them, which could suggest they had been making out there. Those are some things that tell the story of the painting. Then about the technique, you can talk about how he chose to lighten the colours around their contours to make it almost seem like they are glowing, and the brushwork on the woman’s dress suggesting a lot of movement as well.”

When Clarke looked up again, Lexa was scribbling as fast as she could. “Does that help?” Clarke wondered.

Lexa nodded, “it’s crazy, the way you talk about it. I would never think of those things. To me these are just blobs of paint, but to you somehow they’re art. It makes me see them a little more as art as well.”

Clarke smiled, “okay you want to try and do the Klimt one together? You go first, try and look past the obvious.”

Lexa nodded, and stared intently at the painting. “Okay so the pose and the kiss are the obvious things. But maybe the way their bodies almost seem to melt together, you have to pay close attention to realise that their clothing is different?”

Lexa looked up at Clarke uncertainly, but Clarke just nodded encouragingly. She should have known that as soon as she would give an example, Lexa would just do an amazing job.

“They’re standing in a field of flowers, and they have flowers in their hair too, generally considered a sign of happiness, and fertility. And… I don’t know.”

“You did great! You said exactly what I would say. I would only add the use of actual gold leaf. It’s an expensive medium so it adds to the value of the painting to the artist. No one would use actual gold on a painting that didn’t signify something important.”

Lexa nodded enthusiastically and started scribbling again. “It’s amazing to think there is so much to tell about a painting, I mean there is so much more to consider than just what you see.”

***

Clarke was lying on her bed, lifting her book above her head. “Ugh, Indra why am I doing this again? I don’t want to study.” She whined.

“You wanted to prove to the world that you were an adult and could be responsible.” Indra said casually, reading a newspaper, while sipping her coffee.”

“Ugh fine,” Clarke dropped the book on her chest and turned to look at the older woman sitting on the floor. “But if I have to do this, then you have to pour me a cup of coffee.”

“I’m sorry, Clarke. We don’t have coffee.”

“Yeah right, then what’s that you’re drinking?” Clarke pointed accusingly to the Styrofoam cup in Indra’s hand.”

“This?” Indra held up the cup and Clarke nodded, “this is a cup of coffee that I bought for _me_ with my own money, because you decided you’d rather do your laundry instead of getting groceries this week so we have nothing.”

“Nothing?” Clarke asked incredulously, “then couldn’t you have gone to the store?”

“I could have, but you didn’t ask.”

“I didn’t ask? I didn’t ask?!?” Clarke felt like she could scream with frustration, and that’s exactly what she did, she grabbed her pillow, pressed it to her face and screamed in it. She continued to do it for a while, until she felt a pat on her arm.

“What?” She snapped at Indra.

“You have a phone call,” Indra informed her coolly, “but I’ll tell them you’re too busy screaming into a pillow like you’re five years old again to talk to them.”

“No, no wait, don’t do that.” Clarke forced herself to sit up and snatch the phone out of Indra’s hand. “Hello?” She asked a little hoarse from all the screaming.

“Wow Indra is getting sassier and sassier. Were you really screaming into your pillow like you were five years old again?”

“Octavia!” Hearing her best friend’s voice immediately lifted her spirits.

“Hi, Clarke, now answer my question?” She could just hear the grin in Octavia’s voice, she sighed.

“Yes, I was screaming into my pillow like I was five years old again.”

“That’s all I’m saying,” muttered Indra quietly, who just shrugged when Clarke sent her a death glare.

“Why were you screaming?”

“Real life is hard, O.” Clarke whined. “I have to think about everything now. I almost wish I was back home again, listening to those old men blab about the country.”

“Ew…” Clarke could just imagine the distasteful look on Octavia’s face right now. “Wait, does that mean you’re coming back?”

“No, I’m not coming back. You need to stop asking me that every time I don’t like something.”

At the same time Clarke was saying this Octavia however exclaimed, “oh thank god!” Which confused Clarke to no end.

“Thank god? Don’t you miss me?” She felt a little hurt by the sentiment so enthusiastically expressed by Octavia.

“Of course I do, you dimwit. That’s why I booked a flight to come and see you! And Bellamy might be coming too, he isn’t sure yet.”

“Oh my god! You guys are coming here? That’s great! When?” Clarke could feel excitement starting to rush through her, she hadn’t realised how much she had missed Octavia and Bellamy until the idea of seeing them became something that was actually going to happen soon.

“Uhm not sure right now, I’ll text you the details, but like in a few weeks, before your winter break.”

“Oh, but I’ll have finals.”

“Please, that’s never been a problem before now.”

“I know, but now I actually want to pass them.”

“Alright, so we’ll do chill study sessions or something, I’ll help quiz you and you can show me around campus.”

“Alright, that sounds fun!”

 

* * *

 

It had been a few weeks after their first laundry room session, they had had a few more, and Clarke had gotten proficient enough to do her own laundry by herself, and Lexa had gotten better at ‘judging art stuff’ as she liked to call it.

Right now they were working a shift together at Grounders and it was kind of quiet. Finals were getting closer and considering it was a weeknight after eleven, it meant not a lot of students were still at the bar.

Lexa was just whipping down a glass, when a question popped back into her mind, she had been pondering this for a while, but had never remembered to ask Clarke when they hung out together. “How come you only messed up Laundry after a while? I mean that funky shirt only happened after almost 2 months of classes.”

Clarke, who was focused on cleaning the grill, casually responded, “oh that was actually the first time I had done my own laundry.”

“Indra did it before that?” Lexa inquired, which caused Clarke to let out a snort of laughter.

“Hmmm, no before that I just sent my stuff to a laundry service, they’d pick up my stuff and bring it back all cleaned and ironed.”

The way Clarke said it, like it was the most natural thing to do as a college student confused Lexa. “You’re so weird sometimes. Are you like some kind of weirdass European duchess or something?”

“What? No, what are you even talking about?” Clarke started laughing, and Lexa joined in, not realising how nervous Clarke’s laughter actually sounded.

After a little while Clarke joined Lexa behind the bar, leaning against the bar and staring at the two guys sipping the beer they had both been drinking for the last hour.

“Why won’t they just leave?” Clarke whined, “I want to go home, sleep, study, do something besides standing here, being useless.”

Lexa laughed at Clarke’s tone. “You want me to get rid of them so we can close up early?”

“As if perfect Lexa would ever do such a thing.”

“Oh I would, I’d do a lot of bad things for a chance to do some extra studying.” When Lexa winked for good measure she saw Clarke swallow noticeably, and she quickly focussed on something else, wondering why she had done that, and feeling proud at the same time.

But Clarke had quickly gotten over her initial shock it seemed. “I don’t believe you, prove it.” And the grin on Clarke’s face made it clear that she didn’t believe for a second that Lexa would actually do it.

“Fine, but if I do it, you’re going to treat me for breakfast tomorrow morning.”

“Alright, but if you don’t, or if it doesn’t work you’ll treat me for breakfast.”

“Deal.” Lexa held out her hand and grinned when Clarke shook it, she was going to have breakfast with Clarke tomorrow morning, no matter what, and that thought made her really happy. It was only natural though, that it made her happy, she reasoned, after all Clarke was her friend, and having breakfast with a friend was a good thing.

Lexa walked up to the boys and started flirting with them, asking if they wanted something else, touching their shoulders, laughing at their dumb comments, and then after a few minutes dropping hints that if they left now she could close the bar and maybe they could go somewhere to party.

When Lexa walked back Clarke looked impressed. “What did you tell them, because they high-fived each other when you left and then just drained their glasses and left.”

“Oh you know,” Lexa shrugged as she started to put chairs on top of the tables that she had already cleaned. “I just flirted a little, and I might have promised to go partying with them when we’re done closing up.”

“Lexa!” Clarke looked at her with a simultaneously scandalised and impressed expression on her face. “You’re going partying with them?”

Lexa laughed, “of course not, silly. They’ll be waiting at the front and we’ll just sneak out through the back, by the time they’ll realise we’ll be long gone.”

“Wow, that’s genius.”

“I know,” Lexa grinned, but felt the need to confess, “it’s a trick I learned from older students when I first started working here.”

***

Lexa groaned as her alarm went off, she hid her face in her pillow, while trying to hit the snooze button. Lexa wasn’t exactly a morning person, not that other people would really know this, because she always managed to drag herself out of bed in time and do her morning routine; but she did allow herself ten minutes of snoozing time.

Not today it seemed, because before she could register her door opening she felt a heavy weight fall upon her. “Good morning, roomie.”

“Ugh, Raven, get off me,” Lexa groaned as she flailed her arms, trying to get Raven off her back. “Go away, I was still asleep.”

“Fine, I’ll get off you,” Raven moved off Lexa, letting her turn on her back to look at Raven, who was giving her a very smug look. “You’re such a liar, Woods. I heard your first alarm go off. Anyway that’s not why I’m here. Care to tell me why there is a hot blonde right outside our door?”

At Raven’s words Lexa shot straight up, causing Raven to start laughing. “That caught your attention now, didn’t it?”

“Clarke’s here?” Lexa tried to get out of bed as fast as she could, but her hurry only caused her legs to get tangled in the sheets. She tried to disentangle herself, but failed. All the while Raven had settled herself comfortably against Lexa’s pillows watching the scene unravel.

“Yes, Clarke is here,” Raven grinned, “care to explain why?”

“Not really,” Lexa muttered as she managed to finally extricate herself, grabbing a hair tie and brushing her curls into a semblance of a ponytail.

“Or you could tell me why you’re so frazzled right now, your choice.” Raven offered casually as she put her hands behind her head, leaning back. Lexa hadn’t seen Raven this pleased with herself in a while.

“I’m not frazzled!” Lexa exclaimed, “but fine, it doesn’t matter anyway. Clarke and I had a bet and the loser had to bring the other one breakfast.”

“Breakfast?” Raven’s eyes lit up, and she jumped up from the bed and ran out of the room, calling out to Clarke as she opened the door again. “Why didn’t you tell me you were bringing baked goodies, come on in.”

“Uhm well I didn’t, I don’t think I brought enough...”

“Oh of course you did, look two cups of coffee and a bag” Raven snatched the paper bag from Clarke’s grip and looked inside, “with four danishes, Lexa will never finish that all.”

Though Lexa was a little amused at the situation and couldn’t help but grin when Clarke sent her a desperate look, she decided to help the blonde out while she headed to their small fridge. “I think the coffee and danishes were for me and Clarke herself, Raven. Do either of you want some juice?”

“Oh,” Raven looked back to Clarke, making a very sad face, “I was already looking forward to that cherry Danish in here.”

“I, uhm, well we do have four danishes in there, I’m sure you can have one, you won’t mind, right Lexa?” Clarke turned around to look at Lexa, but Lexa didn’t notice, since she was still pouring the juice.

“Sure, Raven can have a Danish.” She turned around, with two glasses of juice, handing one to Clarke.

“And coffee, I mean you two can share from one cup, right?” Raven asked, putting her pout back, but before Clarke could answer Lexa chastised Raven, having turned around and seeing exactly what Raven was doing

“Raven! You did not just use your ‘patented’ sad face on Clarke to get a free breakfast.” Lexa used air quotes on the word patented. Raven sent her a faux-innocent shrug and grin.

“What else was I going to use it for with this one?” She pointed towards Clarke, who gasped.

“Excuse you, rude!” Clarke huffed, handing Lexa the coffee. “Now you definitely won’t get it, I can’t believe I actually fell for that.”

“Oh I can,” Lexa told Clarke. “I fell for it too, my siblings, my parents, all our friends, even professors. It’s kind of her superpower.”

“I don’t want to brag,” Raven grinned smugly, searching the bag for the best Danish, “but I’m kind of a real life Deadpool in that sense.” Clarke stared at her in confusion so Raven added, “you know, with great power comes great irresponsibility.”

***

“Ouch,” Lexa rubbed the back of her head, she hadn’t even noticed someone approaching, that’s how focussed she had been on her notes, but when she looked up she wasn’t surprised by the face she saw. “Ugh, Raven, what are you doing here?”

“What do you think I’m doing here, Lexa?” Raven asked as if the answer was super obvious.

“I don’t know, that’s why I’m asking.” Lexa deadpanned.

“Well, what are you doing here?”

“I’m studying.”

“Exactly.”

“Exactly?”

“Exactly.” Raven nodded.

“You’re here to study?” Lexa didn’t buy it. She knew Raven studied, obviously, but she seemed to take everything in so easily and Lexa had never seen her in the library before. She decided to let it go however, if Raven felt the need all of a sudden to come to the library then who was she to stop her? She refocussed her attention to her notes and started reading them again

“I’m here for my study date with Clarke.” Raven mentioned casually, when it became clear Lexa had lost interest in their exchange.

“What?!?” Lexa’s eyes shot up from her reading and zoned in on Raven, only to see Clarke heading their way.

“Yeah, I ran into Clarke, and we got talking about finals and we ended up agreeing to study together in the library. You don’t mind, do you, Lexa?”

Lexa clenched her jaw, she did mind, but she shouldn’t, she knew that. “No, of course not, it was just surprising to see you in the library. And I didn’t know you and Clarke were close enough to do this. Oh hey, Clarke.” Lexa tried to replace her scowl with a smile.

“Hey, can I sit here?” Clarke pointed towards the seat across from Lexa, that had a lot of her stuff on it.

“Oh, sure,” Lexa quickly got up and grabbed her stuff, shoving it onto the table, almost building a wall between her and Clarke.

“Uhm, Lexa this is not going to work, put your stuff on the ground.” Raven said.

“But…”

“No buts,” Raven told her as she was grabbing the stuff and putting it on the ground between her chair and Lex’s. “There now we can actually see our study buddy.”

“Fine, but no talking,” Lexa muttered, bending over her notes again.

 

It had been hardly five minutes before Raven started talking. Lexa had to admit that it was four and a half minutes longer than she had thought Raven would manage, but still it wasn’t that long.

“So, let’s play truth or dare.” She whispered loudly.

“Raven, no.” Lexa hissed. “We’re here to study.”

“Fine,” Raven rolled her eyes, “you’re too uptight sometimes, Lex. You know what we should do? Find you someone that you can go shaboink with back in the stacks of the geology.”

Lexa looked up from her notes at that, snorting and slapping Raven on the arm. “Gross, Raven, shaboink really? First of all, no one does it in the geology stacks, that must be one of the least sensual places of all times, the uni library in general and then specifically the geology section. And then second, finals are coming, I’m here to study.”

Lexa returned to her studying, but after a second she realised she wanted to say something else too. “And lastly, I am not uptight, I’m just focussed.”

“Well,”

Lexa’s eyes shut up as Clarke interjected, to which Clarke held up her hands and laughed, “not trying to imply you’re uptight. Just that I think the anatomy section of the library would be even less sexy, because it has the anatomy models and specimen in jars, and if that’s not a turn off for you then it should be.”

Lexa laughed, and nodded her head in agreement, “I’d have to agree with you on that, anatomy section might be even worse than geology, plus at least in the geology section you know no one will accidentally come around.”

After they had been discussing the merits of all the spots in the library Lexa decided to ask Raven’s opinion, since she was the person who started the entire conversation. But when she turned around she saw Raven wasn’t there anymore, so she looked back to Clarke in shock. “Where’s Raven?”

Clarke who had been in the middle of pondering the benefits of using one of the bathroom stalls looked back to Lexa in surprise. “Oh she left like ten minutes ago, when a girl asked her to help find a book in the geology section.”

Lexa felt bad for Clarke, even though the blonde didn’t seem to mind it couldn’t be fun to have to inform someone you got stood up, even if it was just a study date. And she silently swore to herself she would yell at Raven later to inform her of proper dating etiquette. “Oh, I’m sorry.”

“Why?” Clarke laughed, “Raven told me she’d show me where you usually sat in the library, but that I shouldn’t expect her to hang around for much longer. Apparently she’s not much of a library person.”

“Oh, okay.”

***

Lexa stared at the paper in front of her with distrust. She had refused to look at it before the class ended, knowing that failing it would have made her unable to focus on what the professor was saying. Now class was over though and she didn’t really have any excuse to not look anymore. She got up from her seat, took a deep breath and looked down at the paper while she was exiting the class.

She whispered, “oh my god,” she stared, she couldn’t believe this, she had to tell Clarke.

And just like that she was running through the halls towards Clarke’s dorm, but before she reached it she saw Clarke outside. She ran towards the blonde as fast as she could, “Clarke!”

Lexa didn’t even make a conscious decision to just throw herself in Clarke’s arms and hugged her tight, she was just too happy. “I got an excellent for my last assignment in art appreciation!”

“Wow Lexa, that’s amazing, congratulations! Well done.”

“I couldn’t have done it without you, thank you so much! You have no idea how much this means to me, really.”

“Oh I know, you showed me the spreadsheet with your five-year plan remember. And you did it all yourself, all I did was find the art lover inside you.”

Lexa hadn’t even realised that Clarke had lifted her up until then, she could feel herself getting flustered. What would other people think, this was weird, and how could she not have realised sooner? This must look weird.

She cleared her throat, “uhm, you can put me down now. I’m sorry for jumping at you like this.”

“Right,” Clarke laughed as she set her down on the ground again, “no need to apologise, this was definitely the kind of news that deserves jumping at someone.”

At those words Lexa smiled, she could tell Clarke really meant that, that the blonde was happy for her, almost as happy as she was herself. Still she felt a little embarrassed by her outburst, usually she was a bit more contained than this. She just hadn’t realised how worried she actually was about her grade until she got back this good one.

“Well, I’m just going to let you-“ but before Lexa could finish her sentence, she heard a loud “Clarkie!” And all of a sudden there was a dark-haired brunette in Clarke’s arms in almost the same position Lexa had just been, with the difference that this girl had not only wrapped her arms around Clarke, but also her legs, so she was clinging her to like a koala. Lexa rolled her eyes, to wrap your legs around someone too was just plain overdoing it.

“Octavia, omg! I thought you said you were coming tomorrow, I even switched shifts so I could pick you up. Also why are you clinging to me?”

“What?!?” Octavia let go and let herself slide back to the ground. “I saw your girlfriend do it,” she nudged Lexa, and wrapped her arms around her. “I’m Octavia by the way, pleasure to meet you.” Then she continued her conversation with Clarke, one arm still around Lexa, which meant Lexa didn’t see any way to just subtly walk away. “Anyway I saw her do it, and I figured that’s how you greet each other here.”

“Octavia, this is Lexa, and she is _not_ my girlfriend,” Lexa looked up at Clarke at that, almost offended by the emphasis on the not, even though she guessed that Clarke only put the emphasis there to make sure that Lexa knew that Clarke knew she didn’t want that. “And she just got back a really good grade for a subject I let her study in.”

“And that’s how you celebrate?” Octavia turned to look at Lexa in disbelief, before looking back to Clarke. “Clarke, please tell me you are taking this girl to have some fun tonight; champagne, shots, the works.”

At that Lexa could only snort, “champagne, really? Who do you think we are the duke of Wellington? And anyway I don’t have time to go out and party, I need to study and I have to work tonight.”

“A duke? “Octavia started laughing, “you’re joking right, Clarke- OW!” Lexa jumped back at the loud exclamation, seeing Octavia rubbing her foot and Clarke looking at her in worry, as she rubbed her back and towed her away from Lexa, but without indication what might have hurt her.

Lexa looked at the two girls walking away, feeling kind of lost, but then Clarke turned around. “I’m going to show Octavia my room. But you did a great job on that assignment and you’re going to do great. Maybe we’ll see you at Grounders tonight?”

“I’ll be there!” Lexa answered back, before muttering to herself “working.”

***

Lexa was staring at the clock longingly, it felt like this shift would never end; people were being annoying, well if she was honest then people weren’t being that annoying, she was just very annoyed by them at the moment. Everything seemed to annoy her tonight, she just wanted to study, finals were getting closer and she was having trouble sticking to her study schedule.

“Hey, you.”

Lexa looked up from her books, worried she missed a client, but saw it was Raven almost hanging over the bar to greet her. “Hey, Raven, what are you doing here?”

“What? Can’t I just stop by to say hi to my roomie and bestie, both of which are you by the way.” The smile Raven gave her was too bright to be truthful, so Lexa looked at her suspiciously, and sure enough a few seconds later the casual comment came.

“Oh and Clarke and I agreed to come here for a drink, apparently her best friend came from back home and she wanted me to meet her, isn’t that nice?”

Lexa smiled and nodded, but she felt a little sick, she of course had met Octavia, but if she hadn’t she didn’t think Clarke would have asked her to the bar with them. Now would that be because she knew Lexa would want to study, or because she didn’t want her to meet Octavia. She didn’t understand why this bothered her so much, but she did, Clarke and Raven spending time together without her worked on her nerves. Plus, who said Lexa couldn’t use a break from studying now and then. She was so lost in her own thoughts that she didn’t even realise Clarke had entered until she heard Raven let out a low whistle. “Her friend is seriously beautiful.”

By then both girls had made it to the bar and Lexa was half annoyed with Raven and half still in her own thoughts so instead of hello the first thing she said to Clarke was “I do take study breaks sometimes you know, it’s good to relax every now and then.”

“Uhm sure, of course.” Clarke blinked a few times in confusion, getting distracted by Raven obnoxiously insisting that Clarke introduce her to her friend. Which meant Lexa had some time to give herself a stern talking to.

When Clarke turned back to her Lexa smiled, “drinks for the ladies, I assume?”

Clarke nodded, “actually, yeah can we have two beers and a coke.”

“A coke? Your friend doesn’t drink? That’s a surprise.” Lexa thought she managed to sound casual, but she wasn’t entirely sure.”

Clarke looked to Octavia with a fond expression on her face before laughing, “oh no, Octavia drinks, really you know how I was here in the beginning, now multiply that by ten. Do you really think that girl could have friends who didn’t think alcohol?”

“Yes, I do actually,” Lexa frowned a little. “Why do you keep insisting you’re just a party girl without substance at times?”

“I, well, so, right, anyway the coke is for me.” Lexa had never seen Clarke look so uncomfortable she thought.

“A coke, really?”

“Yeah, I figured since I’m going to help you study I’d better not be intoxicated. I mean a drunk study buddy is a bad study buddy, I think.”

Lexa blinked in surprise, “you’re going to help me study?”

“Yeah, of course, I know you try and sneak in some books behind the bar, and I figured we could hang out and do some revising of our anatomy labs.”

Oh okay,” Lexa felt so much lighter all of a sudden and she couldn’t help but smile. “I’ll throw some shots in those beers on the house. Because from what I know of Raven and have seen of Octavia they are going to need it, if we really are going to study.”

 

It was almost closing time, and Lexa had to admit she had been wrong about both Raven and Octavia, they seemed to be having a great time. They had cheered them on, and even invented some kind of game where they’d ask questions and drink shots if Clarke or her got an answer wrong… or right, Lexa still wasn’t a hundred percent clear on the rules. But she did have to admit that she had a great time, it seemed everyone had.

***

“So, Lex…”

“Not now Raven, I’m trying to reread my notes one last time before the start of my exam in a few hours.”

“Come on, this will only take a second, and I’ve got you breakfast bagels.”

“You did?”

“I did.”

Lexa grabbed the bag, looked up suspiciously to Raven for a second but when she didn’t see anything on her face that might betray that there was anything wrong with them she quickly grabbed one. “Thanks Raven.”

“Sure thing, I just wanted to tell you I’m going out with Clarke and Octavia tonight to celebrate the end of finals, and was wondering if you’d like to come.”

“But Clarke and I have our anatomy lab final tomorrow morning.”

“I know, but I am going home tomorrow afternoon and otherwise we couldn’t celebrate.”

“You’re leaving tomorrow already?”

“Yeah, my mom called and asked if I could come as soon as possible.”

Lexa frowned, Raven didn’t particularly excited, and she knew what happened last time she went home. “Raven…” She started, she didn’t know what she was going to say, but Raven just grinned, and hugged her.

“Shut up Lex, now come on and say yes to a drink at Grounders tonight.”

Lexa laughed, “alright one drink, but after that Clarke and I are going back to our dorm and you and Octavia can party however long you want.”

“Okay, deal!”

***

“Lex, you came!”

Lexa smiled as she shed her coat, “of course I came, Raven. I said I would.”

“I know, but still I wasn’t sure if you actually would.”

“Is Clarke here yet?” She saw Raven grin and quickly added, “I need to ask her something about anatomy lab.”

“Hmmm sure, she is right there.” Raven pointed through the crowd.

“But before you go there I wanted to talk to you.”

Lexa raised her brow, “you sound far too serious, Raven. Is everything okay?”

“With me? Definitely,” Raven grinned. “I wanted to talk about you and Clarke.”

Lexa rolled her eyes and smacked Raven on the shoulder. “Raven, stop asking about me and Clarke, there is no me and Clarke. She asked me out and I said no, and that’s that.”

“Oh but it hasn’t been that, has it?” Raven wiggled her eyebrows. “Come on, Lexa. The girl made you soup, brought you breakfast, she even braved the library for you!”

“Correction, she braved the library for _you_ , remember?”

“Tomato, _tomato_ Lex. Ask her to spend the holidays with your family!”

Lexa almost inhaled her entire drink in shock, and started coughing while looking at Raven incredulously. “Raven you can’t be serious! Besides, she might have plans, she probably does since it’s Christmas. Wasn’t she going to go on a road trip with Octavia?” She was more trying to convince herself than Raven by now, because her mind was already conjuring up pictures of Clarke on the couch next to her, grinning as they watched tv; Clarke sitting at the table with her family, slightly in shock about how chaotic it all was until she just joined in; Anya teasing them about mistletoe and Clarke giving Anya the middle finger before kissing Lexa.

Lexa quickly shook her head to clear her thoughts, and luckily Raven didn’t seem to have noticed anything. “No, because I told Octavia about the plan and she is going back home, leaving Clarke here all alone with Indra. How mean would it be to let those two be together just the two of them for Christmas?”

“They came to this school together, just the two of them, Raven. I’m not going to let you convince me into asking, I’m not, I’m not.” She wasn’t, she just wasn’t going to do it. It was a bad idea.

“You sure?” Lexa nodded and instead of pressuring her Raven smiled. “Alright, then you won’t mind me asking Clarke to come with me, right? Thanks you’re the best.” And with a kiss to Lexa’s cheek Raven skipped away. And Lexa was left standing there, staring after Raven. What had just happened?

Lexa walked forward towards Clarke and Raven talking, she may know that inviting Clarke was a bad idea, but the thought of Raven inviting Clarke felt even worse. Lexa knew she had no right, but if Clarke was not going to spend Christmas with her family, and she was going to stay here then Clarke should spend it with her. But Lexa reasoned, to be fair, she felt Raven herself should also spend Christmas at her family home, so that proved it was just a friend thing.

Besides if Raven wanted Clarke to spend Christmas with her so bad, then Lexa shouldn’t stand in the way of that? She was just going to listen what Clarke said, that’s why she was rushing over there, not to intervene. Only as soon as she heard Raven say, “hey Clarke, I wanted to ask you something…” Lexa is shoving Raven out of the way and she isn’t even sorry about it until long after the fact.

“Hey, Clarke” Lexa tries to send her a winning smile, like Raven always does, but she is pretty sure it just comes off as creepy because all of a sudden she is so nervous. “I was wondering, would you like to spend the Christmas holidays with me and my family?”

And because Clarke doesn’t respond the instant Lexa has uttered the words she continues rambling. “Of course, if you don’t want to that’s fine, or if you want to spend only a few days, or just an afternoon tea, that would be great. That’s what you people drink in Europe right? Tea and espresso in tiny, tiny cups. I don’t know I thought I read that somewhere, anyway we probably don’t have fancy tea, but you could come drink tea… with me.”

“You want me to come drink tea with you?” Clarke looks amused, but also confused.

“Yes, well no, I’m asking if you want to spend Christmas with me.”

“Wow, Lexa,” Clarke smiles, before it falters slightly. “I would love to, but me, Octavia and her brother Bellamy were going to do a road trip.”

“Actually,” Octavia leans over Clarke’s shoulder with a grin, “I had to tell you, Clarke. We can’t go, mom wants us home for Christmas or else… She literally said or else, can you believe that?”

“I can actually,” Clarke chuckled, and looked back at Lexa. “That means I’m free, so yes.”

“Yes?”

“Yes, of course, I’d love to spend Christmas with you and your family.”

Lexa grinned so widely, and Clarke’s answering grin was so big that it was all Lexa had eyes for, not even noticing the high five Raven and Octavia were giving each other. And then all of a sudden Lexa realised she had forgotten to make something very clear. “As friends of course.”

And Clarke’s smile didn’t falter or change in any way as she said, “of course, as friends.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope it was worth the wait.  
> Please let me know what you think. You have no idea how much it means to me when you let me know anything about what I have written.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke and Lexa adjust to life on the family farm.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone,  
> I did it, I said 1-2 weeks and I made it. I think this means we really are getting back to our semi-regular programming.  
> As always enjoy, and let me know what you think.

Clarke was leaning her head against the window, watching the landscape rush by even though she wasn’t really seeing it. Mostly, she was just actively avoiding looking at Lexa, because every time she did it started to sink in that she was really doing this and she would freak out.

She’d be spending the holidays with a family she didn’t know, and with a girl that drove her crazy. She knew Lexa had made it very clear that they were just friends, and even that more out of necessity, but Clarke couldn’t help, but sometimes getting the impression that things were different between them, only for Lexa to claim different again. And Clarke would never try to do anything that Lexa didn’t want, she’d take friendship over nothing any day, but that didn’t mean it was easy. What had she been thinking saying yes to this? Her conversation with Indra and Octavia later hadn’t exactly helped her confidence either.

_***_

_The Previous night_

“So we are not going to talk about you and Lexa, or the fact that you haven’t told her who you are?”

Clarke let out a groan as she opened the door of her dorm, hoping that by focussing on one part of that question Octavia would forget about the other one. “There is nothing to talk about, we’re just friends.” She turned around looking at Indra beggingly. “Indra, can you please tell her?”

But before Indra could even open her mouth Octavia continued. “Clarke, you’re going to be spending Christmas with her, _Christmas_ , Clarke.”

Clarke rolled her eyes, “as friends, O. You heard her, right?”

“Come on, Clarke, that ‘as friends’ line of hers was so an afterthought. And the way she hugged you when I arrived? How do you explain that?”

“She was just happy she did well on an assignment.” Clarke shrugged as she looked under the bed for her suitcase.

“Clarke, you don’t hug someone like that just because you’re happy; you hug people like that when they are more than your friend.”

Clarke was getting tired of this conversation but thought she had finally found something that would shut Octavia up. “You hug me like that.”

“Yes, but we _are_ more than friends.” Octavia said while looking at Clarke like she was a little slow on the uptake.

“Excuse me?”

“We’re _best_ friends, duh.” Octavia shrugged as she climbed into Clarke’s bed, having learned her lesson on touching Indra’s bottom bunk. “We’ve known each other since we were four years old, of course I hug you like crazy when I haven’t seen you for three months, _three months_!”

“Has it really been that long? Wow.”

“Yes, it has been, but that’s not the point. The point is that she likes you and you like her.”

Clarke bristled, but before she could deny it Octavia stopped her. “Save me the lies, Clarke, you know, I know, Indra knows.” Which caused Clarke to look at Indra who simply nodded solemnly.

“Fine, so I like her.” Clarke could feel her chest tightening at the confession; she hadn’t said it out loud before, not really. If she was honest she hadn’t even liked Lexa, or better said she didn’t like her as much as she did now. Lexa had always managed to make Clarke feel something, right from the very first time she saw her, but that had more to do with her beauty. But the better Clarke had gotten to know Lexa, the better she liked her. Now she knew just how nice she was, how much she cared about her friends and family, how passionate about her ambitions; she just knew Lexa, and the more she knew, the more she wanted to know.

“Why haven’t you told her who you are, who your family is?”

Clarke swallowed and turned around, choosing to focus on folding her clothes very carefully instead of looking at either Octavia or Indra. “Why would I? I can finally be normal, she treats me like I’m a normal person, everyone here does, I don’t want to ruin that.” Before Octavia could say anything, Clarke added. “I know I have to tell her at some point, I _know_ that, but it’s going to suck because I didn’t tell her in the beginning and she’ll be hurt no matter when I tell her, so I will do it, but not now.”

“Clarke…”

“No, Octavia, stop. I’m not going to change my mind. I will tell her, but not now.”

Then Indra cleared her throat and Clarke groaned, “Indra, not you too, please!”

“No, I was merely going to ask what time we leave tomorrow.”

“We?” Clarke looked confused for a second before she realised, “oh no, Indra, you’re not coming with me.”

“Yes, I am, it’s my job to protect you.”

Clarke shook her head, “Indra, no one even knows who I am here, and having you with me is not exactly inconspicuous. Besides what hurt could I possibly get into with Lexa around. She is the most sensible person I know, maybe even more sensible than you.”

“Clarke, I promised your mother-“ but before Indra could finish her sentence Octavia had jumped down from Clarke’s bed and wrapped an arm around Indra.

“Oh Indra, you are coming home with me, Christmas with your family, that sounds nice, right?”

“I…” Indra shrugged off Octavia’s arm and turns so she could glare at them both.

“My mother doesn’t have to know,” Clarke looked at Indra pleadingly. “Indra, please. I’ve never been in less danger than the past three months. You didn’t even feel the need to stay at the bar tonight after the initial sweep. Let me be normal. And you can see your family, they must miss you after three months.”

Clarke could tell Indra was tempted, even if she didn’t say it. In the end Indra sighed, glaring at Clarke. “You are going to send me an email every evening with a short update what you’ve been up to and if there were any problems. You call me as soon as you see anything remotely suspicious or if anyone finds out who you are, I don’t care what time it is. And lastly I come straight back here after Christmas so I am close by, even if you don’t come back.”

Those sounded like reasonable requests to Clarke, especially considering what she asked of Clarke so she quickly stretched out her hand and nodded eagerly.

***

“Clarke, we’re here. Clarke?”

Lexa gently nudged Clarke to pull her out of her reverie. So, Clarke quickly shook her head to clear it. “We’re here already? It’s been like two or three hours. Why don’t you go home more often?” Clarke was confused about it. The way Lexa talked about her family she seemed to care about them, even if they were quite different from her, so Clarke had just always assumed they lived too far away to be visited; because she didn’t think Lexa had gone once since she had arrived at Polis U.

“Just wait until we’re inside five minutes and you’ll know why.” Lexa rolled her eyes and sighed as she got out, moving to the back of her car to get her stuff, so Clarke quickly followed.

They hadn’t even gotten halfway from the car to the front door with their bags before it flew open and Lexa’s parents came rushing out and enveloped her in a sandwiching hug. The image gave Clarke a bittersweet feeling, she could obviously see the love these three had for each other and it made her think of her own family far away. She realised how much she missed them, maybe she should try calling them at some point.

Before she could sink too deep in those thoughts she heard Lexa introducing her. “Mom, dad, this is my friend, Clarke, I told you about her, remember?”

Clarke gave her most winning and charming smile, trying to ignore the nervous fluttering of her stomach, desperate to make a good impression. “Mr. and Mrs. Woods, it’s so nice to finally meet you, I’ve heard a lot about you.”

“Please, call us Gustus and Alexandria,” Lexa’s mother told her with a warm smile as she shook Clarke’s hand. “And I’m sorry to say we haven’t heard much about you, in fact all we have heard about you is that you were coming with Lexa to celebrate Christmas, this morning.” Then she leaned towards Lexa and asked quietly about baby raccoons which didn’t make any since to Clarke and caused Lexa to roll her eyes, so Clarke made a mental note to enquire about that later.

“It was sort of a last-minute decision,” Lexa muttered, clearly uncomfortable with the subject. So, Clarke figured she’d help Lexa out with the explanation as to how and why.

“I was supposed to go on a road trip with my friends, but in the end they were forced to spend Christmas with their family.”

“Nothing wrong with spending Christmas with your family,” grumbled Lexa’s father.

This took Clarke aback a little bit, “no, sir, of course not,” she rushed to say, “but they have both been my friends for as long as I can remember, so just the three of us are kind of a family.”

This seemed to mollify him a little bit, but he didn’t seem completely satisfied yet. “Then why didn’t you go with them, spend time with your own family?”

Dad!” “Gustus!” Both Lexa and her mom exclaimed in horror, but though Clarke didn’t understand why she could appreciate that he was asking these questions, because she suspected he asked them with Lexa’s best interests at heart.

“Plane tickets are quite expensive,” She started, choosing to state this as a fact rather than an actual reason she couldn’t go, though she knew she was treading the truth/lie line very fine. “And there are several reasons really, one of them is that my family and I do not exactly see eye-to-eye with me coming here, and me wanting to see some real American culture, and of course when the fact that I don’t think anyone ever says no to Lexa and lives to tell it.”

At that Gustus let out a booming laugh and clapped Clarke on the shoulder. “Isn’t that the truth. Let me tell you a story about when Lexa was little…” He took Clarke’s bag from her and put a hand on her bag to guide her inside. While Clarke, who was a little alarmed by the sudden change in behaviour looked around back to see Lexa give her a thumb up, so she gave her a small answering smile.

***

After they’d had some tea Lexa decided they should probably drop their stuff at her room, and Clarke decided she should probably be on her best behaviour since she was a guest here, and offered to carry both their bags and dropped them where Lexa pointed.

When she straightened up and looked around she fully realised that she was in Lexa’s bedroom, the place where Lexa had spent her childhood. It was so much smaller than she was used to, but also a lot more lived in. There was a pile of laundry on top of the deckchair that seemed to have a few bras on top, that made Lexa let out a squeak while she quickly grabbed them and stuffed them in her closet. The desk was neat, but full, filled with pens and notebooks and small tokens that make up a childhood; trophies, artwork, pictures.

Lexa was standing in the middle of her room, watching Clarke look around, Lexa didn’t seem particularly comfortable, but since she hadn’t asked her to stop, Clarke figured she could look around a little. Then Clarke looked up and saw a map of the world, filled with different coloured pins, that is to say a lot of red ones and white ones it seemed.”

“What are the different colours for?” She wondered.

“Red is for all the places I want to go, and white is for the few places I have been.”

Clarke looked at the map with renewed interest, there were some places she had been, but most of them were hardly tourist attractions. “Ecuador, Bolivia, Nigeria?” She turned to look at Lexa, the question clear in her eyes. And when Lexa caught her eye Clarke was startled by the passion she saw there and the determination.

“Those are all places Doctors Without Borders brings medical care.” Lexa explained casually while continuing tidying up her room.

Clarke watched Lexa with awe. “I don’t think I’ve met anyone as intimidating as you before. And trust me I’ve met my share of intimidating people.”

“Me?” Lexa scoffed and looked at Clarke incredulously. “You must be joking, look at me?”

“I am.”

Lexa rolled her eyes. “Be serious, Clarke. I’m nothing special.”

Clarke shook her head, “you’re wrong, you’re ambitious and passionate, and know what you want.”

Lexa sat down on her bed, “I’m not the only college student in the world who knows what she’s working towards. I mean, you must have an idea of what you want too, right? What is it that you want?”

Clarke frowned as she sat down next to Lexa. “I think you’re the first person who has ever asked me that,” she realised with a laugh. “I don’t have a choice; I’ve got to take over the family business.”

“No choice at all?” Lexa frowned, when Clarke shook her head. “Is it what you want?”

Clarke let herself fall back, looking up at the ceiling. “I’ve never really thought about if I want to do it, it’s what I’ve been working towards my whole life, everything has been for that. But now that I think about it, I don’t know, not that it matters though.”

“It always matters, Clarke.” Clarke looked at Lexa as she felt her hand cover her own. “It always matters what you want.”

Clarke smiled weakly and shook her head. “I know you think that’s true, but this time it isn’t.”

“Why? Tell me.”

And this was the moment, _the_ moment to tell Lexa, Clarke could feel it. Lexa’s eyes were filled with concern and kindness, and Clarke knew there wasn’t going to be a better moment that this. She opened her mouth to start, but right as she did, Lexa’s door flew open and Lexa’s parents were standing there and Alexandria cleared her throat.

“Clarke, we have the guest bedroom ready for you, it’s on the end of the hall.”

“And we sleep with our door open.” Gustus added.

Lexa got up and glared at her parents. “Guest bedroom?”

“Lexa,” Alexandria started hesitant, but Lexa didn’t listen and repeated, more demanding this time. “Guest bedroom?!?”

“Lexa,” Gustus tried, but Lexa didn’t let him, she shook her head and started pacing. Since Clarke had no idea what exactly was going on she figured she’d best just stay put on Lexa’s bed and watch the scene unfold.

“We’re just friends. You let Raven sleep in my room.”

“Not the entire time.” Gustus interjected.

“Because, the other nights she was with Anya, having sex probably.” Lexa argued, and Clarke could see she was getting frustrated.

“It’s not the same, little heda, you and Raven or you and Clarke.”

“Dad, we’re just”

“just friends, I know. Do your old man a favour, okay?”

“Ugh fine, let me show you your room, Clarke.”

Lexa got up and followed Lexa, wondering if this would be the wrong time to ask about the little heda thing Gustus had just said. However, after watching Lexa stomp across the hallway she decided that it probably wasn’t. Just like it hadn’t been the right time for her to tell Lexa about her family. It wasn’t the right time; she’d know when it was and she’d just do it.

* * *

 

Part of Lexa was already regretting bringing Clarke and it was only the first day. What had she done? She clearly hadn’t fully considered the consequences of having Clarke around her family. How had that happened? Because that was completely unlike herself, she always thought things true, weighed pros and cons. It had taken her three years before she had felt comfortable enough taking Raven home with her, yet here she was taking Clarke home after only having known her for four months. Of which almost half had been spent distrusting and mostly disliking her. She knew how it happened though, Raven; she hadn’t been spending time imagining Clarke during Christmas until Raven mentioned inviting her. She could pinpoint the exact moment almost that it happened, and it was definitely Raven’s fault, and she needed to tell her. So, she shut her door and let herself fall on her bed as she called her best friend.

“You’re the worst best friend and I don’t like you anymore,” Lexa huffed into her phone. “I just thought you should know.”

“I’m offended, I’m not even around, what did I do _now_?”

“You made me invite Clarke, and it’s a disaster, a disaster, Raven.”

“Why? Did she do something? Do I need to come over there and kick her ass?”

“What? No. Clarke didn’t do anything, but she is here, and so is my family.”

“Yes…? Your family lives in your home, you knew that when you invited her.”

“I didn’t think of that! There was no time. What do I do now?”

“Well, just hang out with her. Where is she anyway, because if you’re having this conversation in front of her that would be rude, even for your standards.”

“I don’t know, in her room I guess. Oh, did I mention that my parents won’t let us sleep in the same room?” Lexa heard some rumbling and then a crashing sound on the other side, and Raven mumbling some expletive. “Raven, is everything okay?”

“Uh yeah sure, don’t even worry about it.”

“Raven, you know you can talk to me.”

“Yeah yeah, sure, so the parents don’t allow you to sleep with the blonde babe huh? Probably a wise move, they’re too young to be grandparents.”

Lexa rolled her eyes, she knew Raven was desperately trying to change the subject, and she’d let her for a bit.

After five more minutes of semi-bickering Alexandria called that it was time for dinner and Lexa had to say goodbye to Raven. “Raven, my mom is calling, I have to go.”

“Oh okay,” Lexa wasn’t sure, but she thought Raven sounded a little sad or disappointed. “Give them all my love, okay?”

“Of course, and Raven? You know you are always welcome here, right? And you can call me any time if you want to talk, about _anything_.”

“I know, but it’s fine, well maybe not fine but close enough. You gotta stick with your fam, right?”

“I-“

“Don’t answer that and get down for dinner and enjoy the view of a certain blonde.”

“Ugh, bye Raven.” Lexa laughed.

 

Dinner was nice, her family wasn’t being as embarrassing as they could have been; that was until her siblings came home and openly gawked.

“Who are you?” Anya asked as she washed her hands, staring at Clarke. Before Clarke could answer Lexa intervened.

“This is Clarke, she is a friend from school. She’s from overseas and she doesn’t have family here so I invited her to spend Christmas with us.”

Lincoln nodded as he said down. “Okay, cool. Nice to meet you, Clarke, I’m Lincoln, and the interrogator from just now is my twin, Anya. Where are you from?”

Clarke smiled and nodded to both of them. “Nice to meet you too, both of you,” she quickly added when Anya seemed to glare at her. “I’m from Arkadia.”

“Arkadia?” Lincoln frowned and when he looked to Anya she just shrugged, which annoyed Lexa somehow.

“You must have at least heard of it.”

“How?” Lincoln wondered, which caused Anya to turn on her with a grin. “Yes, Lexa how? Please enlighten us with your knowledge of Arkadia.”

“Well…” Anya had her there, of course she had heard of Arkadia, but apart from knowing it was a small European country she didn’t know that much about it. She looked at Clarke, sending a silent plea for help, which luckily Clarke seemed to understand.

“Well we invented the electrocardiogram,” Clarke offered, and when that didn’t seem to impress them she went on. “We helped invent Wi-Fi, were the first country to legalise same-sex marriage, even if that still was embarrassingly late.” She added in a mutter.

“Okay, that sounds pretty cool, but how would we have heard from you though? Do you have any famous people we could know?” Anya wondered.

“Sure, Christiaan Huygens, Johannes Vermeer, Rembrandt.” Neither of Lexa’s siblings seemed that impressed so she continued. “Uhm, okay how about, Doutzen Kroes, Yfke Sturm, Famke Janssen, Armin Van Buren.”

“Wow,” both Lincoln and Anya said. Lexa had no idea who half the people were that Clarke had mentioned, but her siblings seemed to know them and be very impressed.

“How come Arkadia is not one of the world’s leaders?” Anya grinned, which caused them all to laugh.

“You certainly changed your mind quickly, a few minutes ago you didn’t even know there was a country named Arkadia.”

“We don’t all memorize maps.” Anya scoffed, “some of us memorize useful things.”

“Like what?” Lexa challenged, “engine schematics?”

“For instance,” Anya agreed, seemingly pleased that Lexa was quick on the uptake.

“That wasn’t supposed to be a good thing.” Lexa scoffed. If she was honest she had no idea how this had happened, within minutes of the Anya arriving home, they were arguing again. And the argument didn’t even make sense, Lexa knew that Anya’s knack and interest in bikes and cars had helped them out so much. After all Anya had even fixed her car up so she’d have one when she went to college. Yet here she found herself arguing, as if she wanted to prove something, to who? To Clarke? Ridiculous.

“Well, when my bike died on me it was useful. It helped me fix my bike and not having to buy a new one. Saved me a lot of money.” Anya declared proudly.

“Wait you own a bike?” Everyone had been focused on Lexa and Anya, but now they all turned to look at Clarke, whose eyes grew a little wider. “It’s just, I love bikes and stuff too. Back home I have one, and ride it all the time.”

"Really?" Anya grinned, "you can help us with the annual winter festival race."

"Of course," Clarke smiled, "I'm happy to help."

After a few seconds of silence Clarke asked, "so is this a good time to ask about why Lexa is called little heda?"

Everyone but Lexa and Clarke dissolved into laughter. “Clarke, you’re going to fit in just fine.” Lincoln told her with a grin as he held up his hand for a high five.

And honestly Lexa could only agree, and as she saw Clarke’s wide, genuine, answering grin, she could feel a warm feeling blooming in her chest. She wouldn’t think too much about what that meant, but she could at least enjoy it for now.

***

Next morning Lexa woke up feeling extremely well-rested. She always allowed herself a few days of no alarm at all during holidays, to luxuriate in the feeling, before slipping back into the rhythm of her family.

She glanced at her alarm clock, a little after nine, that was acceptable. She wondered if Clarke was up already and if she should wake her if she wasn’t. She knew for a fact that Clarke could sleep in, after all she once assaulted the girl in bed with a pillow at noon.

After some thinking she decided she’d just text Clarke to come downstairs when she woke up; if she deserved to wake up when her body felt ready then so did Clarke. To Lexa’s surprise however Clarke had been texting her.

04:51 Lexa are you up?

04:54 I guess not, or are you up now?

04:58 How can you still be asleep? Didn’t that rooster wake you up? That can’t be.

05:16 I can’t sleep anymore, what am I supposed to do now? I don’t have a television in this room and I forgot to ask you the wifi password.

05:20 Any chance you’re up now?

05:21 Lexa

05:21 Lexa

05:21 Lexa

05:21 Lexa

05:22 Lexa

05:22 Wake up!

05:22 Why aren’t you awake??? D:

05:45 Alright I’m done, I’m going downstairs I guess. To see if anyone is around, if you find random feathers around the house and the rooster is gone, then it wasn’t me!

Their rooster of course, Lexa was used to his crowing, so much it didn’t even wake her anymore, but Clarke wasn’t used to it. Being downstairs for over three hours Lexa could only imagine Clarke had gone insane with boredom so she quickly crawled out of bed and practically ran down the stairs.

“Clarke?” She called out, heading into the kitchen, only to find it empty; but then she heard Clarke’s voice. “Lexa? We’re in the living room.”

We? Lexa wondered, she wondered who was with Clarke, but she got her answer when she opened the door and saw Clarke and her mother grinning at her from the couch.

“Good morning, sweetheart, did you sleep okay?” Her mother smiled at her.

“Morning, and yes I slept okay, a lot better than Clarke, have you been sitting here all this time? I’m sorry, Clarke, I should have realised.”

Clarke didn’t seem bothered however. “That’s fine, look!” She held up a small knitted square, with a few holes in them. “Your mom is teaching me how to knit! She says I could try to knit a hat, maybe, isn’t that great?”

Clarke’s happiness and excitement was so genuine that Lexa felt herself smile widely in return. “That’s great, Clarke, I bet you’ll have a hat in no time.”

“Yeah well,” Clarke muttered as she looked down at what she had knitted so far. “It still has a lot of holes in them, not sure how that keeps happening.” For a second she was so focused on her knitting that the tip of her tongue poked between her lips, and her arms made movements that seemed far too complicated to be just knitting. When a strand of hair got in her eyes she tried to toss it back with head movements rather than letting her precious work leave her hands. All of this just served to add to the weird warm feeling Lexa had in her chest.

“Do you want to join us?” Lexa’s mom pulled her from her observations. How long had she been staring at Clarke? Not too long she hoped, but it probably wasn’t since Clarke hadn’t gotten that much further with her knitting. The question however distracted Clarke and she looked up at Lexa, all joy and excitement.

Lexa shook her head, she would love to just sit there with Clarke, but the thought of her mother hovering and observing them made her feel uncomfortable. “No, I think I’ll go eat some breakfast and get dressed, and then I thought I could show you the farm?” She looked at Clarke questioningly, and thought she saw a flash of disappointment before it got replaced with an eager nod.

 ***

It had been almost a week since Lexa and Clarke had arrived at Lexa’s home and Lexa had been shocked at how well it seemed to be going. Lexa had thought that Clarke would quickly grow bored of the farm, the slow pace and everything, but it seemed the exact opposite. Clarke had delighted in being shown around the small town where they’d get their groceries, stopping by every shop and asking questions to the owners, so just being her charming self basically. The shop owners had enjoyed it, it seemed and answered all questions and were more friendly than Lexa had ever seen them.

The same had happened with her family, Clarke was interested, asked a hundred questions about anything and everything, and her family seemed to love her for it. Though they also learned quickly to not ask too any questions about Clarke’s own family, because whenever the subject came up she went very quiet. But that was okay too with the Woods family, they’d be respectful of Clarke’s boundaries and just enjoyed her company.

Clarke too had been added to the chore roster that they had, after Lincoln had loudly moaned after a few days that it wasn’t fair that Clarke could always sit down after dinner and never had to do the washing up. Lexa had insisted that Clarke was a guest and shouldn’t have to help, but Clarke had insisted to be put on the roster as well.

When Lexa saw the smile on Clarke’s face when Gusts clapped her on the back and told her she was part of the family now, she wondered if this had been Lincoln’s intention all along. After all it had been Lincoln too who had insisted that Raven had been put on the roster when she had been staying here over the summer. A glance at Lincoln and the wink Lexa received from her older brother confirmed it for her. It was something so typical for Lincoln to do, and she felt so inexplicably thankful for him suddenly that she quickly crossed the kitchen to give him a hug and offer a whispered ‘thanks’.

***

Right now Lexa was helping her mother make dinner. Clarke had been out almost all day with her father, helping around on the farm. When her dad suggested it, Lexa had thought that it might not be the best idea, but Clarke had been affronted by Lexa’s suggestion she might not like it, and had agreed wholeheartedly.

“She’ll come straight to you to tell you about her day as soon as she is done, little heda. No point in stopping your cooking every few minutes to check.”

Lexa, who had thought she had been subtly glancing back at the door waiting for Clarke to come through the backdoor, blushed.

“What? I wasn’t…”

“Yes, you were,” her mother laughed. “But that’s okay, I’m curious to hear how her day has been too.” Alexandria wrapped an arm around her daughter and pressed a quick kiss to the top of her head. “She’s a great girl, Lexa. Full of enthusiasm it seems.”

“Yeah,” Lexa agreed, she could feel her stomach starting to twist a little, nervous where this conversation might head.

“Do you think-“

But what her mother wanted to know Lexa never knew, because at that moment her father came in laughing loudly. Lexa’s initial smile turned to a questioning frown when she didn’t see Clarke follow.

“Dad, where’s Clarke?”

At the question her father started to laugh even harder, so much so that he could hardly speak. Lexa looked at her mother and got the same bewildered look she was sure her face was sporting.

“Gustus, where is Clarke?” Her mother asked, but instead of him answering they heard Clarke’s voice.

“I’m outside Mrs. Woods, uhm I mean Alexandria. There was a little accident and I’m too dirty to come inside right now, so Gustus was going to hose me down, but we needed a towel for after, because that would be pretty cold.”

“What happened?” Lexa asked while she rushed to the backdoor. But any thought of listening to what Clarke had to say left her when she saw Clarke; all she could do was laugh. Clarke stood there in her blue overall, but they weren’t blue anymore, they were covered in mud, and so were her hands and most of her hair.

“What happened?” Lexa managed to utter between gasps of laughter.

Clarke however didn’t seem to be offended at Lexa’s laughter and had an amused grin on her face. “Well apparently, mud is really slippery and once you topple over it’s hard to get up again, for me at least.”

“Oh, Clarke,” Lexa tried to be sympathetic, but it was hard. “Take off your rubber boots and then your overall. By the time you managed that, my dad will have gotten you a towel and we’ll start rinsing your hair a little before you can hop in the shower.”

“Will you help me with my hair?” Clarke asked as she tried to get her boots off.

“Of course,” Lexa assured her.

* * *

 

Clarke was lying in bed staring up at the ceiling. She had just gotten off the phone with Octavia, relaying how her time on the farm had been. Octavia had been happy for her that she had been having such a good time, but was also disappointed with the lack of progress between Clarke and Lexa romantically, no matter how often Clarke insisted that there was no point. That Lexa wasn’t interested in that.

It was starting to get on Clarke’s nerves a bit, that she kept having to explain that to Octavia. Mostly because the more she saw of Lexa, the more she liked her. The things that made her laugh, the way she was with her family. Lexa when she was just Lexa made Clarke smile widely and feel all warm inside. And the way Lexa looked at her sometimes when she thought Clarke wasn’t looking was difficult enough not to interpret as something more meaningful than it actually was, without having to battle Octavia as well.

So instead she told about the farm, the town, how she had learned how to knit, and the family. They were all incredibly nice, and though especially Anya had taken some getting used to, she felt very welcome here. And after initial protest from Octavia she had let her talk about the things she wanted to, while filling her in on the latest gossip from back home.

Now Clarke was staring at her phone, debating with herself whether she should call home or not. She’d managed to finish three hats this week, that she had sent as a Christmas present to her little brother and parents, with a short letter, telling them where she was and that she made the hats. She knew her parents probably weren’t going to wear them, but she thought Aden might. After all the hats were satisfactory, though they had some mistakes here and there, but Alexandria had just insisted that these mistakes proved that the hats were handmade and that made them special.

But before Clarke had made a decision she heard a knock on her door. She headed towards the door, expecting Lexa, so she was surprised when she saw Anya standing in front of her, wearing a hoodie over her pyjamas as well as a woollen hat and holding mittens in her hand.

“Hey Clarke.” She grinned.

“Anya,” Clarke replied, confused. “What are you doing here?”

“Telling you to grab a hoodie a hat and maybe an extra pair of trousers and come downstairs to join a Woods siblings’ tradition. Hurry!” And just like that Anya had rushed down the hall quietly, towards Lexa’s room, throwing the door open without knocking.

Clarke laughed quietly, gathering the stuff Anya had ordered her to grab. She looked down at her phone, a mixture of gratitude and guilt that she wouldn’t have time to call her family. Instead she chose to send them a short message, telling them not to open the package until Christmas morning, and that she was doing okay and that she missed them. Which was true, for the most part.

When she got downstairs it was dark and there didn’t seem to be anyone. She hissed out Anya’s name, but got no response. After a few minutes Clarke began to guess this was just one of Anya’s pranks and turned around to head back up, to see what Lexa thought of all this, only to see her coming around the corner looking absolutely adorable with a hoodie, scarf and knitted hat on.

“Hey,” Lexa smiled.

“Hey,” Clarke grinned back, all of a sudden not caring if this was a joke or not. “I was just coming up to find you, because I wasn’t sure if this sibling tradition was Anya pulling a prank on me.”

“Pfff tradition” Lexa scoffed as she took the hat from Clarke’s hand and put it on her head, making sure it also covered her ears. “It’s hardly tradition, we’ve only done it once before. Last year Anya’s boyfriend broke up with her a few days before Christmas. She was really upset about it, so me and Lincoln took her out back, made a campfire and we sat there, roasting marshmallows and drinking.”

Lexa had taken Clarke’s hand and was leading her outside. She had done so almost automatically it seemed, but Clarke couldn’t stop staring at their hands together. She felt like such an awful cliché, but if Lexa touched her when Clarke wasn’t expecting it, it could make her feel very flustered, even though she tried so hard to squash those feelings down.

“I love campfires,” Lexa confessed as they were walking down the path towards the fire.

They rounded the corner and Clarke felt the warmth of the fire immediately envelop her, and she instantly knew, “me too!” She grinned at Lexa.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Christmas is the time for surprises and honesty. Sometimes it's good, sometimes not so good.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys,  
> I know, I'm sorry! I am the worst!  
> No more promises from me about posting every two weeks at least. It seems I just can't keep that promise all the time right now. I can promise you this: this story is going to get finished.
> 
> Also I wrote a thing if any of you are interested. A short, but hopefully sweet drabble that I wrote when recent events had me unable to write anything with emotional depth. It's a short the great british bake-off AU. Which you can read by cliking [here.](http://archiveofourown.org/works/8530750)
> 
> Anyway I hope you all enjoy the chapter

It was the day before Christmas and Clarke was sitting by herself at the kitchen table working on her presents for Lexa’s family. She hadn’t really thought about it at first, and Lexa had insisted that it wasn’t necessary, but she wanted to do it. Clarke wanted to show her appreciation, she wanted to thank the entire Woods family for how kind they had been.

Of course that caused the guilt she felt to be even more insistent. Now she wasn’t just lying to Lexa, she was lying to her family too. Clarke knew she had to tell Lexa at least, she had known that before this trip, but as soon as Lexa had asked it had become even more clear. And she had almost told her that one time when they had just arrived, but then they got interrupted and the moment never happened.

And though part of Clarke insisted that there just hadn’t been a right time after that, she also knew that if she had really wanted to, she could have made it the right time. But she always found a new excuse, and now the day before Christmas didn’t feel right either. If Lexa was angry Clarke would have ruined her Christmas and that was the last thing she wanted to do. On the other hand, she could argue that Lexa might be extra upset having spent a holiday with her, not even knowing who she really was. Clarke continued to go back and forth between the two without being able to make a decision.

So instead she focussed on sketching the Woods family like they had looked on one of the Sunday mornings; they were Clarke’s favourite, it was the one morning the entire family had breakfast together. Normally most of them were up on different times, but usually all very early. Except on Sundays, then there was a big family breakfast at nine and everyone had to attend and make something. On her first Sunday, Clarke had quickly gotten up to grab something and snapped a picture of the family. To her this picture embodied all her favourite things about the Woods, they were warm, kind and close; and Clarke loved everything about it.

She was so focused on her work that she didn’t even realise someone else had entered the kitchen until there is a glass of apple juice floating in front of her. She looks up in surprise and sees Anya standing there, smiling as she herself is sipping a glass of her own.

“I hoped that would work, you were so deep in thought you didn’t even hear me calling you.”

“I’m sorry,” Clarke accepted the glass gratefully, taking a sip.

“What are you up to? Wow that looks amazing! Is that us?” Anya looked at the picture, lowering herself onto the chair next to Clarke.

“Yeah,” Clarke admitted, “it’s meant to be a Christmas gift for your parents mostly, but really for all of you. Do you think they’ll like it?”

“Like it?!” Anya said incredulously, and for a second Clarke worried that Anya was going to tell her they would hate it. However, “they would love it! It’s amazing, Clarke.” Anya continued saying.

“Yeah?” Clarke could feel her cheeks warm up slightly at the praise and a big smile spreading across her face. “What are you doing up here by the way? I thought you were going to be in town the entire day; weren’t you bragging about it all morning?”

“Yeah, I was, but Lincoln called and he said he had some trouble with our lawnmower. So, I decided I’d head back home and help him finish his work on the farm, that way we could do some work on it.”

Clarke was confused, “is it that urgent? I mean surely you won’t need the lawnmower until spring. What about your last-minute Christmas shopping?”

“Oh, don’t worry about that,” Anya shrugged easily. “Lexa knows me and Lincoln, so she always has some reserve gifts for when we can’t find the time to get all our gifts. And I can’t believe we still haven’t told you about this! This specific lawnmower isn’t for mowing the lawn, it’s for racing. Our town always holds a winter festival from the day after Christmas until New Year’s Eve, and the first day there is the big lawnmower race.”

“A lawnmower race?” To say Clarke was sceptical about all of this was an understatement. “I mean, they don’t even go that fast, right?”

“Are you a lawnmower expert?” Anya raised her brow and stared Clarke down with such an intimidating stare that Clarke quickly found herself mumbling “no, no of course not, I just…”

“That’s what I thought,” Anya nodded and quickly started smiling again as she told more about their lawnmower. “Me and Lincoln have come 2nd four times in a row now, we’re determined to win this year. We’ve already got our lawnmower going 30km per hour and I believe we can make it faster, we just need to figure out how.”

“Wow,” Clarke was pretty impressed. “Maybe I can help, after all I did race a lot on my bike back home.”

“Sure, the more the merrier,” Anya agreed easily. “Do you want to help me with Lincoln’s work as well?”

“Uhm, I’m not sure…” Clarke was a little hesitant to accept any offer for work from any of the Woods family, except for Alexandra and Lexa. The other three had only ever asked Clarke to help it seemed, on the most difficult work, or where she would get so dirty and get so exhausted she had to be hosed down afterwards.

“No, this is actually a good one, I promise! Lexa is going to be bummed she wasn’t here for it.”

“Okay, sure, what is it?”

“We’re going to be giving the calves their bottle.” Anya grinned as she walked out of the kitchen. “Go pull on your overalls and I’ll see you at the stables.”

***

“Anya, help!” Clarke looked around desperately for the other blonde, “it’s suckling on my hand! It feels so weird.”

“First of all, it’s a she not an it; this is Clarecia…” Clarke’s eyes widened in shock, she tried to look calm, but she was panicking big time. “Interesting name huh? Just came up with it.” Anya continued, leaning on the fence, watching Clarke like a hawk.

“I… I don’t know what you’re talking about?”

Anya however, looked completely unimpressed. “Clarke-“

“Anya, are we really going to talk about this while a baby cow is trying to suck off my hand?”

“Uhm yes.” Anya was looking at Clarke like she was dim-witted, “you look about ready to flee. I’m sure that if I’d get Clarecia to release you you’d be beamed up to your secret jet within a second.”

“I… how did you know?” Clarke knew there was no point in trying to deny it. “Also, you do know that there is no such thing as actual beam-me-up-Scotty-type of technology, right? That’s science-fiction.”

“That’s what they want you to think!” Anya said, “and how did I know? How do you think? Google of course, as soon as you told me about your country I googled it and then it said you guys had a bisexual princess, and I thought wow that’s cool. And ho behold, whose picture do I see there?”

“Anya-“ but before Clarke could say anything Anya interrupted her.

“When are you going to tell Lexa?”

“How do you know I haven’t already told her?” Clarke didn’t even know why she felt so offended by Anya’s assumption, especially since it was correct.

“Don’t insult me, Clarke; I know my sister. She doesn’t know, and if I was blind I’d believe it was because you didn’t care about her and this was just a game to you, like all your other affairs; but I am not blind, lucky for you.”

“I… I have been wanting to tell her, but…”

“but?”

“This is an intense conversation can we please have it without the distraction of Clarecia suckling my arm down her throat, plus I think she’s really hungry.”

Anya rolled her eyes. “Fine, but no funny business.”

After Anya helped her free her hand and fed Clarecia she looked at Clarke expectantly. “Well?”

“I came here to escape, to be just Clarke, because I had no idea who I really was and how it was to be treated like a normal person. And then that happened and I liked it so much that I didn’t want to risk it. And then Lexa, she, well she is Lexa, our friendship means so much to me, and I was scared of what she’d think. I do know I have to tell her and I have tried, but it’s hard.”

“Friendship?”

“Yes.”

“Come on, Clarke. Why don’t you realise, I’m like a human lie detector? I’ve seen through all your bullshit.”

“We _are_ just friends.”

“But you want to be more.”

“Not relevant, Lexa doesn’t, she has made that very clear, and if she doesn’t want to then there is nothing else to do.”

“Ugh,” Anya headed towards Clarke and clapped the back of her head. “You are both such idiots. Come we are going to work on the bike with Lincoln.”

“I… you won’t?”

“I won’t what? Tell Lexa about this? No, that’s your responsibility and your story, but please know the longer you’re keeping this from her the more you’ll hurt her.”

“I know.” Clarke groaned out miserably.

 

“Now let’s go meet up with Lincoln and fix our lawnmower.” And with a clap on Clarke’s back Anya left the barn.

***

Clarke stepped into the kitchen, laughing at something Lincoln had said when she was stopped by a hand in front of her face. “Oh no, this kitchen is completely clean for Christmas tomorrow and you three are not going to get mud and grease in here so I can start over, overalls and boots outside please.” Alexandria’s voice was friendly, but decisive, so the three of them turned back around.

Re-entering the kitchen on their socks they saw Lexa sitting at the kitchen table, chatting with her mom. In the back of Clarke’s mind the conversation with Anya was still replaying, but she didn’t want to think about that now. She was excited, she had fun with Lincoln and Anya this afternoon and could barely contain herself as she sat down. Apparently, it was obvious because both women turned to her with a smile.

“What’s up, Clarke?” Lexa asked with a smile

“What? Oh, you can finish your conversation, it can wait.” Clarke wanted to tell them, but she didn’t want to be rude.

“Can it? Because you look like you’re about to burst with excitement.” Lexa didn’t seem to be annoyed, more amused so Clarke decided to go for it.

“I get to ride the lawnmower during the winter festival race!”

“Really?” Lexa stared at her in shock and then looked at her siblings.

“She’s the lightest, just makes sense,” Anya shrugged, and Lincoln let out a booming laugh.

“Anya is a liar, Clarke outmanoeuvred both of us, she’s our best chance of winning this year.”

Lexa leaned closer to Clarke, whispering loudly, “wow, you must be really good, normally Anya and Lincoln fight over who gets to drive all through Christmas.”

“That’s true,” Alexandria chimed in, “so thank you, Clarke, for bringing some peace and quiet to this family for once.”

“We’re not that loud!” Both Anya and Lincoln bellowed from the hallway at the same time.

Clarke laughed with the rest of them, but the mention of family only forced thoughts of her own family more to the front of her mind.

***

It was after dinner and even though it had been a dinner just like every other she had had during her time with Lexa’s family Clarke didn’t feel the same. The others noticed too, and at the end of dinner Lexa asked her if she was okay, she brushed it off as just nerves for the race, but didn’t miss the look Anya gave her.

It was as if until the conversation she had had with Anya, Clarke had been able to sort of ignore the mess she was in, but now she was seeing it and she had no idea how to get out of it. So, when Lexa suggested they’d watch a movie in her room Clarke decided that this might be a good time.

The movie was good, but Clarke couldn’t really pay attention to it; she had expected this, but she had thought she’d be preoccupied with how to talk to Lexa; however, she hadn’t considered what watching a movie in Lexa’s room would mean.

They were sitting side by side on Lexa’s bed; Clarke could feel the warmth of Lexa’s body pressed against her leg and sides. At some point, Lexa rested her head against Clarke’s shoulder, and that was the moment Clarke knew she was truly lost; the scent of Lexa’s hair, and the feeling of Lexa almost snuggled into her was too much; her mind was simultaneously going into overdrive and strangely blank.

Having Lexa so close felt so good and comfortable, it made Clarke almost forget about the world around them, it was just them. But the fact that it felt so good made her feel anxious too, she felt guilty, because the thoughts and feelings this stirred up for her were not the same as they were for Lexa. Maybe she should tell Lexa, but was it fair to talk about any of that if Lexa didn’t know about her family? No, Clarke decided.

“Lex?”

“Hmmm?” Lexa looked up at Clarke a little sleepily, it seemed like she might not have been paying a lot of attention to the movie either.

Clarke took a deep breath, moving slightly, which caused Lexa to lift her head from Clarke’s shoulder. “I think we should talk…” Lexa was looking at her with such patience and kindness that Clarke couldn’t make herself continue. But then Lexa surprised her and took her hand and squeezed it gently.

“It’s about your family, isn’t it?”

“I… no, what? Yes.” Clarke stared at Lexa in shock, confused to why Lexa was still being so nice if she knew, before whispering, “how did you know?”

Lexa smiled and shrugged. “Your face went kind of pale when my mom made her comment about you calming this family down, and you’ve hardly said a word since; which isn’t like you at all, normally you talk my ears off.”

Clarke frowned, she had thought Lexa meant she knew who her family were, but that didn’t seem to be the case, and now she didn’t really know how to continue. “I…”

“Clarke, don’t worry about, I know you don’t like to talk about your family. It must be hard not being with them, even if your relationship is rocky. Your parents and your little brother, have you ever spent a Christmas without them? And then Indra isn’t here either, I imagine she is also a connection to home.”

Clarke stared at Lexa with a mix of nausea and awe, because how could this girl be real? She was so caring and she had so much heart. How had Lexa been able to hide that behind her façade of only caring about grades. “Lexa, that’s not true.” Lexa simply raised an eyebrow and Clarke swallowed thickly, “well I suppose what you’re saying _is_ true, but it’s not what I wanted to tell you. I wanted to tell you more about them, about me.”

That’s when Clarke’s phone rang, she glanced quickly to the screen ready to turn it off when she saw Arkadia’s area code flash on the screen. Clarke could feel her heart fastening, even though it had already been beating quite fast. “I’m sorry, I really have to take this.”

Lexa nodded and Clarke crawled off the bed and headed to her own room.  “Hello? Indra? Is everything okay with my parents and Aden?” Clarke’s mind was conjuring up all kind of horrible pictures of what could have happened.

“I’m not Indra, Clarke.

“What? Finn?!?” Clarke hissed, “why are you calling? I don’t want to talk to you.”

“I got that much from the blocked number,” Finn laughed, “but come on Clarke, that’s water under the bridge, right? It was so long ago, everybody has forgotten about it already.”

“Even if everybody has forgotten about it, _I_ haven’t, Finn.” Clarke’s jaw was tight with annoyance, she couldn’t begin to fathom how she had ever been sort of friends with this guy.

“Oh, come on, I’m sure I can change your mind. So, where are you? I hope it’s not in the middle of nowhere, I’m so not in the mood to get lost and picking you up.”

“Finn,” She answered tersely, “you’re not picking me up. I don’t want to come with you, and even if I did, I’m in America.”

“Oh, don’t worry, I know, I’m at your university right now.” He said breezily, “I was here with my dad for business and then I remembered overhearing the Blakes talking on a party about how you were attending Polis University and I had to see it for myself.”

“Well you saw now you can go home. I don’t want to see you.”

“Clarke…” She could tell he was getting annoyed. “I’m getting a little tired of this game. Tell me where you are, so I can come pick you up.”

“No! I told you I don’t want that.” Right then Clarke’s door opened and Lexa peeked through the opening.

“Clarke, is that Raven on the phone, because she called me during dinner apparently, and now she isn’t answering. Oh sorry, you’re not done yet.”

Clarke pulled her phone away from her ear. “No, it’s not Raven, Lexa, it’s someone from home. I don’t think I’ve heard from Raven, except a few random memes.”

“Oh right, I’ll leave you to it then. I’m sorry for barging in.”

“That’s fine,” Clarke tried to send a reassuring smile and Lexa nodded before closing the door.

“Who was that?” Finn was now so clearly annoyed and angry that Clarke felt a little better.

“No one that you should concern yourself with.”

“Clarke, stop. I sacrificed Christmas with my family to be with you.”

Clarke’s mouth fell open, how dare he suggest that this was her fault in any way. “Well first of all, I didn’t ask you to, and second you were here with your dad, right? Go take a flight home, I don’t want to see you or hear from you.”

“Fine!” Finn’s voice had taken on a rather cold tone, but Clarke was too relieved he finally gave in to be bothered by it. “You’re making a big mistake here, Clarke. I won’t be waiting for you when you mess things there and come back home. Mark my words.” With those words, he hung up.

“Idiot,” murmured Clarke staring at her phone in disgust.

* * *

 

Lexa was sitting on her bed, she’d given up on trying to call Raven and instead had texted the girl. She couldn’t explain why she felt uneasy, but somehow she did. Of course, there was also the possibility she was just worrying so she didn’t think too much about how it had felt to lie on her bed together with Clarke. And the fact that Clarke had chosen to talk about her family, she hadn’t said anything yet really, but just the fact that she wanted to meant so much.

It reminded Lexa of her time during the summer with Raven, they had become so much closer during their late-night talks. But this was different somehow, because Lexa felt completely comfortable and relaxed with Raven. She felt comfortable with Clarke too, but there was this rush of excitement coursing through her every time she was alone with Clarke. She had always chucked it up to just discomfort and tried to ignore it; but that was pretty much impossible now.

She wondered if it had been the right thing to bring Clarke home with her; she loved all the time that she had spent with her, but it also made it abundantly clear that she felt something for Clarke, because the feeling of lying in bed with the blonde was unlike anything she had felt before.

She was still lost in thought when Clarke came back in, but one look at her told Lexa something was up.

“Are you okay? Is someone hurt?”

“What?” Clarke looked at her distractedly, “oh no, everyone is fine, that was just some asshole.”

“Asshole?” Lexa didn’t want to be nosy, but Clarke did look upset. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“Not particularly,” Clarke muttered as she dropped herself back down on the bed, turning around so she was face-forward on Lexa’s pillow. “It was an ex, well not even that. A friend,” at that word Clarke let out a better laugh, “no, correction; a guy I had sex with once while very drunk, who had taken pictures of me naked when I didn’t realise and accidentally spread them over the internet.”

“What?” Lexa stared at her in shock. “He, why did he call? Why did you even answer?”

“I didn’t know it was him, Lexa.” Clarke got upright, slightly glaring at her.

“Oh, right, I’m sorry. It’s just that is an awful thing to do. What did he want?” Lexa moved a little closer, wrapping an arm around Clarke, hugging her. She tried not to think too much about it, hugging is something friends did when the other was upset, right?

“He wanted to spend Christmas with me.” Clarke started laughing, “he wanted to know where he was so I could come pick me up. What a moron, right? Why would I want to spend Christmas with him? Why would I want to sacrifice my Christmas with you?”

Lexa let out a nervous laugh. “I know, right? He sounds like a tool.”

***

Lexa got a big surprise when she came down the stairs the next morning, because at the table was none other than, “Raven?” Lexa said in surprise as she hugged over to her friend to give her a hug.

“Hey Lex,” Raven smiled as she got up and wrapped her arms around Lexa. “Am I not the best Christmas present you have ever gotten?”

“You are,” Lexa pulled away a little bit so she could she Raven’s face, she hadn’t missed the red-rimmed eyes. “Are you okay?”

“Oh yeah, I’m fine.” It was clear to Lexa however that this was just bravado on Raven’s part and Raven added, “my mom, she was just, who cares, right? I’d rather be here anyway.” Lexa quickly tightened her arms around the other girl.

“You can stay here, I’m sure my parents wouldn’t mind.”

“Of course not,” Alexandria smiled as she looked at the two girls. “I already told Raven she is welcome to stay as long as she wants. I do want to encourage you to let your mother know you’re okay, but that’s up to you.” Alexandria got up and headed to the stairs, “I’m going to wake up the rest of the family, Lexa will you set an extra plate for Raven?”

***

Christmas day had flown by with Gustus immediately hanging up Clarke’s drawing that she had made for them and Raven being her loud, but loving self. And now Lexa found herself watching Anya, Lincoln, Clarke and Raven bent over their lawnmower making last minute adjustments, from the stands.

When it was time for all contestants to get ready to begin Clarke hugged all three of her teammates and headed over to the rest. Lexa watched and couldn’t help but smile, she liked that both Clarke and Raven were taken in by her family, especially since they both seemed to have less than ideal home situations; Raven for sure, and though she didn’t really know Clarke’s situation, she knew enough to know it wasn’t easy.

The race had just started when Alexandria settled in the seat next to Lexa. “She seems to be doing well.”

“Hmm,” Lexa nodded. “She did beat Lincoln and Anya on the lawnmower, I thought that was impossible.”

“That’s true,” Alexandria laughed. “Clarke seems like a really nice girl.”

“Mom,” Lexa groaned, “please, don’t start.”

Alexandria wrapped an arm around Lexa’s shoulder and pulled her a little closer. “Don’t worry, I’m not your father, all I’ll say is that I think Clarke is good for you.”

“What do you mean?” Lexa wondered; she didn’t feel like she was being any different now, with Clarke here, than any other holiday she had come home.

“Chemistry is not just something you get taught in Class, Lexa; and you two have it. You’re more present, you seem happier, you smile more, you haven’t spent an entire day in your room doing research or studying since you came home.”

“Mom…” Lexa groaned.

“I’m not saying that all the studying and research and your five-year plan isn’t right. Because if it’s what you want then your father and I support you, but I just worry sometimes you’re so focused on the next five year that you forget to live right now. And it seems like Clarke helps with that.”

“Mom…” Lexa wasn’t sure what to say; she hadn’t thought about it, but she supposed her mother was right. She hadn’t been as focused on school as she normally was during the holidays, and it had felt nice. At the same time though, she couldn’t afford to become less focused even if it felt nice, and this made her nervous.

“Shhh,” Alexandria shushed her youngest daughter, “you don’t have to reply, don’t think about it too much, but focus on how you feel.” And with a kiss to the of her head they both turned to watch the race.

***

Everyone on the stands cheered when Clarke passed the finish line, including Lexa. There had been a close call near the end, where it seemed for a second that Clarke might be pushed from the course, but she managed to hold her own and nudge the competitor out of the way.

Lexa and her parents came rushing down the stands just as the twins and Raven squished Clarke between them, chanting happily and highfiving. Lexa laughed, quickly grabbing her phone and taking a picture.

As soon as Clarke noticed Lexa, she beamed at her. “I won!” She beamed.

“You did,” Lexa grinned back, grabbing Clarke’s hand and pulling her out of the human triple sandwich she was in and hugged her.

They had just poured all of them a cup of champagne when the guy Clarke had only just beaten walked up to them. Clarke extended her hand with a smile. “Good race, I had a great time, better luck next time.”

But as Clarke finished the guy gave her a hard push. “You cheated!”

Clarke huffed, “I did no such thing.”

“You did, you forced me out of the course.” He gave her another shove.

“That’s what you tried to do to me!” Clarke said, “I should give you a taste of your own medicine.” But before she had even gotten ready to do anything both Lincoln and Anya had jumped his bones. Which caused other people to jump in, and then Clarke and Raven both joined too.

There was a small crowd watching now, no one really intervened since they didn’t seem to be doing a lot of harm, more for show than anything else. In fact, within a few minutes Lincoln and Anya had everyone down on the ground; even Raven.

“I’m on your side!” Lexa heard Raven complain as she squirmed.

“You bit me,” Anya retorted.

“That was just a playful nip.”

“Well consider this a playful show of dominance.”

Lexa then lost interest in their banter and searched for Clarke in the heap of people. She spotted the blonde and helped her untangle herself. Then she noticed that Clarke had a bloody lip. “Clarke, you’re bleeding!”

“I am?” Clarke lifted her hand to her lip and winced a little. “Ow, I didn’t even notice it. But Lex, did you see me?” The blonde grinned widely, “that was so much fun.”

“Fun? I’m sure,” Lexa rolled her eyes, “let’s get you fixed up, shall we?”

“Alright,” Clarke took hold of Lexa’s hand. “Lead the way doctor.”

Lexa lead Clarke back to her pick up where she had a small first aid kit. And set to work, wetting a small cloth and gently dabbing the blood away. Being this close to Clarke, entirely focused on her lips might have been a bad idea. Lexa could feel each breath Clarke took brush her fingers and it caused shivers that she could only barely suppress.

“Feels nice,” Clarke mumbled quietly, her eyes closed as she leaned slightly into Lexa’s touch.

“Don’t talk,” Lexa scolded playfully, “or my fingers slip in your mouth and it won’t be so nice.”

At that Clarke’s eyes opened and Lexa could see the smirk as the corners of her mouth turned upwards. “Don’t you dare say anything, that’s not what I meant.” Lexa slapped Clarke’s thigh.

“I didn’t say anything.”

“You had that look.”

“What look?” Clarke tried.

“Don’t start, you know exactly what.” Lexa smiled, “and your lip is clean. So here.” And before she fully realised what she did Lexa pressed a soft kiss to the corner of Clarke’s mouth. When Lexa pulled away she realised what she had done and opened her mouth to apologise, but then she saw Clarke’s face. She saw shock for sure, but no indication it wasn’t wanted.

Both their gazes found each other and intensified, causing them to stare. Lexa had no idea how long they stood there as they slowly leaned in closer until their lips were almost touching, both hesitant to kiss, searching the other’s face for signs that they didn’t want this.

Before anything could happen, they were startled by a loud “Lexa!” And they flew apart. Lexa clutched her chest, turning to see Costia and Luna walking towards them. She gave them a weak wave, “hey guys.”

“Congratulations on the win, Lincoln and Anya must be over the moon. Oh, I’m sorry did we interrupt something?” Costia’s smile faltered slightly as she saw Lexa and Clarke standing a meter apart, both with wide eyes.

“What? No of course not.” Lexa rushed to reassure. “I was just cleaning Clarke’s lip. And uhm This is Clarke, she’s a transfer student from Arkadia. And Clarke these are Costia and Luna,” She gestured to both girls. “They’re friends of mine, I’ve known them well since forever, they grew up here too.

“Nice to meet you,” Clarke smiled and shook hands with both of them, moving so she stood close to Lexa, her hand dangling close to Lexa’s, making her wonder if the blonde was going to take and hold it, but instead Clarke moved it so it was wrapped around Lexa’s back. Lexa couldn’t stop a small smile from appearing as she turned to look at Clarke for a second.

“Nice to meet you too, Clarke.” Costia smiled and Luna nodded, while scrutinising Clarke’s face. “Do I know you from somewhere?”

“Me?” Clarke let out a laugh that Lexa had never heard before, “no I don’t think so.”

“She has only been here for the holidays, and other than that she’s been at Polis U.” Lexa explained, and Luna shrugged.

“She looks familiar somehow, it’ll come to me.”

“So, Clarke will we see you in a few days?” Costia asked, winking to Lexa.

“Uhm, I don’t know?” Clarke looked to Lexa, unsure of what to say or do.

Lexa glared at Costia, before turning to Clarke with a smile, “Luna and Costia are getting married soon-“

“New Year’s Eve,” Costia interrupted, “but go on.”

“It’s because we get free fireworks then.” Luna grinned and nudged Costia, who rolled her eyes, but smiled at the same time.

 “I don’t think Clarke really needs that information now, sweetie.”

“I just thought it would add a little colour to it, so far Lexa is making it sound rather dull.”

“Would you two mind?” Lexa half glared at her friends, “how can I have made it sound dull? I haven’t even been allowed so say anything. Anyway, so they are having a New Year’s Eve wedding and Costia is asking, well she isn’t really asking you, she’s asking _me_ if I’ll be taking you as my plus one in a _very_ circumvent way. And I don’t know Costia, I hadn’t asked her yet, but that was the plan.”

“Well, there is no time like the present.” Costia grinned, nodding as she looked between the two girls in front of her.

Luna who sensed some awkwardness quietly whispered, “babe, I don’t think it’s our business.”

Costia laughed, “Come on, you saw the way she looked at Clarke,” she whispered back, “I’m just helping that slowpoke move a little faster.”

“You know we can hear you, right?” Lexa rolled her eyes in annoyance. “And I so _was_ going to ask Clarke just now.”

At that three pairs of eyebrows were raised, “fine, so maybe I wasn’t, but I was just waiting for the right time. Of course, I want you to come with.”

“Yay,” Costia clapped her hands together and hugged both Lexa and Clarke. “That’s settled then. We’ll see you at the wedding. It was so nice to meet you.” With that Costia grabbed Luna’s hand and pulled her away.

***

Lexa was trying to zip up her dress, but it proved impossible. Of course, she already knew this, which is why she had asked Anya to help her, but she had flat out refused, stating that the movie she, Lincoln and Raven were watching was too interesting and that Clarke probably wouldn’t mind.

So here Lexa was, still trying to bend backwards to zip herself up with one hand, while knocking on the door with the other. “Clarke, would you mind zipping me up? I don’t think…”

Right in the middle of her sentence Lexa looked at Clarke and she stopped, she just couldn’t continue. Clarke looked more beautiful than she had ever seen her, and all Lexa could do was stare. It wasn’t until Clarke grabbed her shoulders and manually turned her around that Lexa realised that Clarke had been saying something to her.

Clarke sipped her up and turned her back around, taking a step back to take everything in. “Wow, Lex. You look beautiful.”

“You too!” Lexa replied eagerly.

“You think?” Clarke wondered and Lexa nodded quickly.

“I didn’t have a dress,” Clarke explained, “since I didn’t know we would go to a wedding, because _someone_ …” she looked pointedly at Lexa, “didn’t tell me that we would be going to a wedding, so Anya let me borrow a dress of her. I’m just relieved it actually fits.”

“It definitely fits,” Lexa said with a slightly forced smile. Ever since Costia and Luna had interrupted their moment in the parking lot things were a little off between the two of them. And though Lexa didn’t want that to be true she wasn’t sure how to fix it.

After all she couldn’t exactly deny what would probably have happened if they weren’t interrupted, but she was still debating with herself whether she was happy the interruption happened or not. And not knowing how she felt made her even more worried about what Clarke thought about it. So instead of talking about it they both pretended it hadn’t happened, and usually they managed really well, it was only the moments it was just the two of them that they were struggling with.

***

Thanks to Alexandria Clarke and Lexa almost arrived late at the wedding, she kept wanting to take their picture in different poses, and then of course the rest also had to change so they could take one with all of them, since the rest of the family would later come to the party in the evening.

The girls made it in time for the ceremony however, and it was beautiful Lexa had to admit that. It fit the couple perfectly and they both radiated such happiness that you could do nothing, but be happy for them. And unlike the other weddings, thanks to having Clarke by her side Lexa’s thoughts managed not to dwell too much on how everything was changing. With Clarke by her side some changes didn’t seem so bad.

“That was beautiful,” Clarke said quietly as they followed everyone to the party, “thy really love each other a lit.” She took a hold of Lexa’s hand so they wouldn’t get separated in the sea of people.

Lexa looked down at their intertwined fingers and then looked up at Clarke’s face with a smile. The warmth of Clarke’s hand seemed to spread through Lexa’s entire body, slowly warming her and loosening her up a little more. Why did she worry so much about her and Clarke? This was Clarke she was talking about, everything would be fine.

“Yeah, they really do,” Lexa smiled, “it would have been sickening sometimes if it had been anyone but those two, but somehow with them it’s just cute. You should have seen them when they were just together, if there was ever a time I was jealous of Luna it was then.” Lexa laughed.

“Why would you be jealous of Luna?” Clarke wondered.

“Costia and I dated for a bit during high school. Didn’t I tell you that? I guess not. Anyway, so yeah, we dated, but in the end we decided we were better as friends.”

“We’re here, at your ex’s wedding?”

“Yeah, technically we are I guess.”

“Well then I am extra glad Anya lent me her dress, now you can show me off.” Clarke winked.

***

The party was in full swing, Clarke had been dragged onto the dancefloor by Lincoln a while ago and Lexa hadn’t seen her since. Lexa herself was just sitting at their table, chatting with her parents and listening to Raven and Anya squabble about something to do with space. She was having a pretty good time when Costia made an appearance and held out her hand.

“Cos, I don’t dance.” Lexa shook her head, not taking the hand.

“But I’m the bride, you can’t say no to the bride, it’s bad luck. Do you want me and Luna to have a bad marriage and get a divorce and know that it was your fault?”

“My fault?”

Costia nodded solemnly, “if you don’t dance with me and I get a divorce it’ll be your fault, and Luna will probably sue you for emotional damage, and win because she is a damn good lawyer that wife of mine.” At the word wife, a big smile appeared on Costia’s face, “still can’t believe I actually get to say that. Anyway, what will it be, doc? One dance or a law suit?”

“Fine,” Lexa rolled her eyes, but smiled as she took Costia’s hand. “I can’t believe you can still make me do things I don’t want to do.”

“Sure you can, it’s always been my specialty.” Costia laughed as they started dancing. “So, you and Clarke, what’s the story there?”

“I told you, she’s a transfer student. We’ve been hanging out and she couldn’t go home. She’d be all alone on campus.”

“That is not all there is, Lex. I know you, you’re doing that thing where you tell me the truth, but not the whole truth and you hope by feeding me partial truths I won’t notice.”

Lexa rolled her eyes, why were her friends so annoyingly perceptive? “Cos, don’t start, you’re reading into things.”

“Am not! And it’s bad luck to tell a bride that on her wedding day.”

“You know you can’t keep using that as an excuse.”

“You really like her, don’t you?”

“Cos, stop it.” Lexa stepped back, things were complicated and awkward enough without her talking about it with her ex.

“Oh boy,” Costia’s grip on Lexa’s hand tightened. “You’ve got it bad.”

“Costia, I said stop.” Lexa glared, pulling her hand from Costia’s and Costia’s teasing grin immediately gave way to a much softer smile.

“Have you told her yet?” But after one look at Lexa she sighed. “You haven’t, have you? If you tell me it’s that damned five-year plan of yours I will slap you. Come, we need to talk about this properly.” She grabbed Lexa’s hand again and pulled her through the crowd, texting while she headed towards the doors.

“Where did you even keep that phone?” Lexa raised her brow.

“Secret pockets, it was the only demand I had for my dress,” Costia grinned. “Now let’s sit here, this is a private part, no one will disturb us here.”

“Costia, I really don’t think-“

“No, Lexa, shut up. We are going to do this. I am your friend, I have known you since you were little, which means that I know you. Plus, I have dated you. Now you are going to sit down, look out at the fields and trees and all the fairy lights that we put up and you’re going to think about all of this for at least a minute before you say anything, okay?”

Lexa sat down and looked up at Costia, “you’re very bossy, you know.”

“I know,” Costia grins, “sadly it only works with 5-year olds and you and Luna. Now turn around and look at those lights.”

“Yes boss,” Lexa saluted, but as she turned around she found herself soon lost in the image in front of her, the fairy lights made the whole scene look kind of magical somehow. Lexa’s thoughts moved from the beautiful view to Clarke and back a few times, before she got pulled out of her thoughts by a coat being put around her shoulders.

“Are you alright?”

“Clarke? I, what are you doing here?” Lexa looked up, startled, where was Costia.

“Oh, Luna said I could find you here. I could go, did you want a moment for yourself?”

“No, no it’s fine, come sit with me.” Lexa moved over a little to make room. “I think Costia and Luna forced us out here to talk.”

“Really?”

“Hmmm,” Lexa nodded, turning her gaze back to the fairy lights.

“Might not be such a bad idea.”

“No, maybe not.” Lexa sighed, she knew that this moment had to happen but she just didn’t know what to say.

“I mean, you have to admit things between us have been a little awkward ever since Costia and Luna interrupted us.”

Lexa could feel her pulse speed up, this was it. Clarke was going to start talking about it, but Lexa still didn’t know what to say or how to feel about it, she just needed a little more time, so she panicked. “I wouldn’t say they were interrupting us.”

“No? Okay, then I guess they didn’t, I just I thought…” Lexa could hear the dejection and disappointment in her voice so clearly, and she immediately felt guilty, knowing that Clarke was being brave here and Lexa’s fear was hurting her.

“Clarke wait, I lied, I’m sorry. They were interrupting us. I just don’t know what to say or how to act, I’m not good at these things. This shouldn’t even be happening right now, it’s not in my plan and-“ Clarke interrupted Lexa before she could start rambling too much.

“Lexa?”

“Yes?”

“I’m going to kiss you now, if that’s okay with you.”

“Oh, yeah okay.” Lexa tucked a loose strand of hear behind her ear nervously. “I guess we could do that, I mean sure that might be- oh…“ and again Clarke stopped her rambling before it could get too bad.

Clarke cupped her cheek and smiled as she pressed her lips to Lexa’s, while just for a second Lexa just sat there, frozen, overwhelmed by the soft look she had seen in Clarke’s eyes, by the soft touch of Clarke’s fingers on her cheek, of Clarke’s smell and the feeling of Clarke’s lips against hers. But soon enough she snapped out of it and her hands flew up to take Clarke’s face in both her hands, pulling her closer and kissing her harder. She didn’t think kissing had ever felt this good, she never wanted it to end.


End file.
